Life with a Rookie.....

I met my husband 2 months into his rookie year, right after his first and meanest, hardest TO…I mean this TO has a major rep!
But just in time for his second hardest and the one who almost made him quit!
This, as in the Academy from what I hear, is the hardest time to date and have a relationship as well as a growing one…but we did it!

He would come all the way on an hours drive to my house on his 3 day weekends with tons of homework in tow as well as all his gear and polishing stuff…man I never dated a guy before who’s shoes where so darn shiny!
We realized we both had things we had to get done so couldn’t pay so much attention to each other all the time but also wanted to spend time together too! So he would be doing his homework and polishing his gear ( that sounds wrong) and I’d be doing my own thing. We where like a little married couple from the beginning!

I am a strong woman and incredibly independent and used to being by myself and don’t need or want allot of attention and am not clingy, needy or “get lonely” so that helped a ton…I’m also what my husband calls “ East Coast Military” even though I’m not Military but growing up in Houston and spending allot of time around NASA as well as down in Corpus and more I was always surrounded by it ( and my father was for awhile before I was born).

One thing I see on allot of websites and forums is needy and clingy woman who “ are lonely at night, can’t sleep, etc” heck! I love having my bed all to myself and then having my husband home to cuddle just before I go to work.

I think this helped allot for us and still does. I actually enjoy my nights a few times a week alone, not making dinner and watching my chick flicks like Sex in the City or reading or working out on my own even, or time out with the girls or hours on the phone to my sister.

Also, time to set up surprises too while he’s at work or sleeping until noon!
I re-did our whole patio like this !

It was a very tough time for him, though not really for us with my personality which we both agreed is what made it possible to stick around.

Being very flexible too is a must.

During the time he worked in the second two months of probation and I knew him he was working in fires in 2003 and coughed up black stuff for weeks, he went 48 hours with no sleep and had at least 10 hours of homework to stuff into 2 hours and more. He almost quit but I kept telling him that his silver lining would come along soon and he had to wait out two months until the next TO….which we prayed would be a bit of a break for him and just not an asshole.

Well, that happened, his next TO was tough but a much better “teacher” as well and ever since then my husband saw working as a Police Officer back to being worth it and remembered why he wanted to do it to begin with when he had lost sight of that with his first two TO’s .

I then moved closer, to the same town so we weren’t about an hour away from each other ( I had other reasons for moving there too, work and hobbies). That helped allot and gave us more time to see each other too.

The switching times was hard on him, easy on me I must say but we didn’t live together either. Now we do and he works watch 5 ( leaves home at 3:pm and gets home with no OT about 3:pm). This works out for me because I have a few nights alone like I said above and I have time to myself in the mornings as well on days I’m not working…or before work when I just don’t feel like talking yet!

Also, it’s best for him and his style too.

The studying and frustration with how much you might get piled on I think was tough, not all TO’s are alike though ( my husband changed every two months during year 1).
He would record things on CD and listen to them while driving so by the end of it I knew his first division like the back of my hand and much more!
What a way to learn the codes too because as practice he would say them out loud every time he saw something ( he doesn’t now).

We don’t have kids now so as far as the sleeping issue we don’t’ have that yet but we do think about it as plans.
Allot of white noise has become our best friend too and now I can’t sleep without it either.
I think having a bathroom separate from the bedroom ( which we don’t have now=( would be better because now when I shower and change in the morning it wakes him up a little but he’s pretty used to it now too and I don’t run hair dryers.

The eating is another thing that we still struggle with though. His eating schedule is different from mine even when he’s off work. And then at night the eating choices are slim ( though they eat dinner before places close now because he starts at in the afternoon, so early dinner). And he doesn’t like to brown bag it because he feels weird doing that when his partner isn’t…..something he just needs to get over though in my opinion!

With kids we already talk about some things even though they are at least 5 years away right now!
But making their bedroom a play room that I can spend time with them there, or outdoors as well and looking fro a place to live ( we rent right now) that the bedrooms are far away from each other and not right next door.

White noise.
Getting together with other mom’s and getting out of the house to the zoo or to one persons house that the husband isn’t home or something like that and having play dates.

Visit grandma’s here and there too. ( well, they are to far right now but it’s an idea when they move closer for retirement).

I’m a person big on library’s and they often have great kids sections plus parks and stuff too.

Even sound proofing when we own isn’t beyond our ideas.

Right now I’m able to use the kitchen and the smells only sometimes get to him but he usually figures the better the smell the more spicy I made something which means he can’t eat it! ( how’d a Cajun eating woman get stuck with the blandest taste bud guy ever?)

But when we have kids and look for a house to buy I want to look at the way the kitchen is situated from the master bedroom so that kids and even company in the kitchen can be allowed without disturbing him when sleeping.

But when the time comes I’ll be sure to be on these boards asking plenty of advice from other parents!

My biggest advice to spouses is your own life…your own job and/or hobbies to keep you out of the house and busy. Or even at home but busy ( I read a ton and paint some too as well as scrapbook and cook and write so indoor and quiet but keep me busy) I also have my own fulltime job and I hike/trail run/work out and horse back ride.

But I think that’s important with any and all relationships, not just with a cop. You have to still be yourself, have your own identity and stuff.


The hard part now at almost 3 years is the personality change, I’m sure it was a bit of a change before we met too but now it’s been a change as well. The thing that helped him see that it was going beyond ok and acceptable was that he finally read I Love a Cop himself and it opened his eye’s as I always suggest the cops themselves do because when he hears it from me of course he doesn’t listen! This helped him see that he needed to make a few adjustments, even having other hobbies as well as some therapy.

It’s still hard but it’s easier when they see they need to make adjustments and then are willing to do so.

I suppose even with rank type of changes their will come other changes in the personality as well. Oh I totally recommended Cop’s Don’t Cry and I love a Cop.

And before marriage ask your self “ Can I stand to be alone sometimes?”
“ Do I have my own hobbies, job, life, friends?”