Marriage post of the week : Venting.

Venting…

In my new marriage I am always learning. Each day is something new.

With venting I’d like to know some advice and opinions.

When you fight or argue do you vent to other people?
Do you vent to outside friends, family, the spouses family or yours? Who do you vent to?
When you vent do you tell EVERYTHING? Or keep some things private?
Do you give the whole story? Both sides?

Do you also ask for advice and how do you tell the good advice from the bad? Just what feels right?

Does any one have any books, articles or websites to suggest as well for marriage and relationship?

Thanks.

Where has all our water gone?

In The Sunday’s Parade magazine this past weekend was an article bout the worlds water.

You can find the story here http://archive.parade.com/1998/0823/0823_runningdry.html

Some simple things I have learned about conserving water and do are:

Run the dishwasher only when completely full.
Wash larger loads of laundry at a time and not just one or two items
Don’t constantly run the water while washing dishes or brushing you teeth.
Take shorter showers (though I fail at this one after a long hike or a long day at work).


One line from the article that caught my eye was a quote

“In the past 50 years, nations have gone to war over oil. In the next 50, we are going to go to war over water. The crisis point is going to be 15 to 20 years from now.”

I think about how much people waste water each day and what could be done to preserve.
Growing up in the corn and what and cotton crops of Texas and not far from Texas A&M University you would think that the college would have come up with way’s to prevent losing crops during drought. I remember after a few years into a drought and cattle where dying, corn wasn’t growing and even though we have our humid air we had no moister in the ground, thinking about ways to trap rain water in the rainy season, which during those same years was flooding horribly with El Nino, to use in the dry season. Of course some amount id trapped but just not enough, not for the amount that in certain times of the year came poring down enough to carry away tree’s, cars and even houses.

Aren’t there better way’s to trap water?
What are even all the ways out there?
Can we reuse any amount of dishwater or bathwater to water plants (as long as soap isn’t too toxin?)?
Can we use water that we have boiled food or pasta in to water plants? Or would that be toxic?

I myself boil enough or steam enough food to have enough water to water my plants if it’s possible (I will keep searching and find out).

What about trapping snow? Recycling that to use during drought seasons?

Can water used to wash cars be trapped and recycled?

I believe that water could go to different sources and I believe all water could be recycled. Such as toilet water and the such go in different pipes to be trapped and cycled for uses such as farmland or to use on non-edible plants and landscape. Other water, bath, etc. could be recycled for reuse in the same way it was once before. Since originally the water is just as dirty to begin with.
When pools are drained it could defiantly be re-used for watering farms, gardens, etc.

More from the article:

“Although water sufficiency problems are not nearly as severe in the United States as in most nations, three of the fastest-growing states—California, Texas and Florida—feel the squeeze on water supplies and soon will face major difficulties. As of 1996, five of the 10 fastest-growing cities in the U.S. are in those states. It is significant that all three states, like many parts of the globe with serious shortages, have at their doorsteps huge amounts of water that still are too expensive to modify for major consumption purposes: seawater.”

And….

“

• California. Like most of the world, California has water in abundance where people are not in abundance. Three-fourths of its snow and rain fall in the northern part of the state, where one-third of the people live. Every official California water plan projects a huge gap between need and supply. California’s population will grow from 31 million today to somewhere between 48 million and 60 million in less than 40 years.
Symbolic of California’s problems is the story of Owens Lake. Early in this century, Los Angeles-area water authorities understood that they’d face problems as the population grew, so they purchased the third-largest body of water in the state, Owens Lake. Today it is called Owens Dry Lake, because L.A. has sucked it dry. But the story does not end there. When the wind blows on a dry day, particulate matter from the “lake” is sent into the air to the point that, in some places, it is 20 times as high as the maximum safety standards for air pollution. The Environmental Protection Agency rates this area the most polluted in the nation for dust particles. People in the area want Los Angeles to fill the lake again, but city officials say that would require 10 percent of their water, something they cannot afford.
Just last month, the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power finally agreed to begin a project to ensure that the air around the lake meets federal health standards by 2006. The lake will not be refilled, but 10 square miles may be covered with a few inches of water to hold down the dust, according to a Los Angeles Times report.”

From my home state:

“• Texas. Part of the problem in Texas, as in many other places, is the huge disparity in rainfall statewide. El Paso normally gets about 8 inches of rain a year, while the portion of the state along the Louisiana border receives 56 inches. Aquifers (underground water sources) are being depleted. From 1930 to 1980, water use increased twice as fast as the population. As has become painfully apparent this year, Texas has a greater likelihood of suffering severe drought than most other states. As of July, rainfall was at least 10 inches below normal for the year in east Texas and 4 inches to 10 inches below normal in most of the rest of the state.
What can be done to solve the water problem? Obviously, it’s a complex and difficult issue. Once we muster the political will to focus on it, these broad areas should be addressed:”

1) Conservation. Conserving what we have is an immediate step we can take.
2) Desalination. Efforts to convert seawater to usable water must be supported, and more must be begun.
3) Pollution and overpopulation. Both are big contributors to water shortages.

“

United Nations authorities note that 9500 children die every day from lack of water or, more frequently, from diseases caused by polluted water.”

H2ouse.orgFind out how much water you’re using with the Water Use Calculator, check out the Garden Guide for water-saving tips for green thumbs and take a virtual home tour to learn room-by-room how you can conserve more water.
Water Conserve Water Conservation PortalThe Water Conservation Portal provides daily news stories about national and global water issues, as well as links to conservation groups and a blog.

Environmental Protection Agency (EPA): WaterIn addition to providing links to sites with more tips on water conservation, the EPA offers a kids site about water and a wealth of information about drinking water and health.

It's Earth Day!!!

So here’s some facts and info.


Here’s a website for kids! http://www.kidsdomain.com/holiday/earthday/

At this site , http://www.epa.gov/earthday/ , you ca:

Learn about simple things you can do around your home to reduce the environmental impacts of your everyday activities. This page includes information on how to recycle, conserve resources, avoid toxins, and practice environmentally responsible landscaping

Learn how to protect your neighborhood's natural resources. You can also access information on air and water quality in your community.

Whether you are a student looking for a school project, an environmental studies teacher or someone just interested in learning more about the environment, EPA has lots of educational resources to offer you

Learn how you and your employer can protect the environment, save money and create a healthy workplace.

Buying a new car or home appliance? Now you can access helpful information on how to choose models that will reduce pollution, save energy and money

Join the 2005 Earth Day Celebration by participating in these events and volunteer opportunities.

At his site: http://www.seekover.com/earthday2005/earthday2005.htm , you can learn 10 ways to make a difference such as :

Urban parks provide a range of benefits to communities, ranging from air and water purification to building a sense of community. Recreation opportunities in parks can help to reduce crime by offering young people activities to fill their time and building skills and self esteem. Green spaces can help attract new businesses and jobs, increase property values, and generally contribute to a better quality of life for the surrounding community. Unfortunately, in many metropolitan areas, parks and recreation opportunities are concentrated in affluent and suburban neighborhoods, while low-income, inner-city communities have inadequate and severely overcrowded public parks that offer far fewer recreational programs.
Who Is Affected?
The neighborhoods most in need of recreation opportunities and open space generally have the least parkland, the fewest facilities, and the greatest difficulties maintaining them as safe havens. Although elected officials generally declare their support for parks and recreation programs, more and better services are available to residents of suburban areas than to those who live in less affluent rural and urban areas. The single largest source of funding for parks, the federal Land and Water Conservation Fund, has faced substantial cuts in recent years, and funding for urban parks has taken a back seat to other programs as many cities struggle with reduced tax revenues and tight budgets.
What You Can Do
Work to improve conditions at your local park by joining or starting a friends of the park organization. You can find a guide to starting a park friends group on the Brookline Greenspace Alliance web site.
Look for resources through your local government or community redevelopment programs to turn an empty lot in your neighborhood into a park or community garden. Find out more about how to start a community garden from the American Community Gardening Association.
Find out where your elected officials stand on urban parks issues by attending town meetings or writing letters. You can also look for information from national and state groups that track the environmental voting records of elected officials such as the League of Conservation Voters or your state conservation voter league.
Article reprinted from Earth Day.net.

http://www.earthday.gov/ has a lot of great things to learn, including a kids section and :


The nation's air is much cleaner today than it was 35 years ago. Over the last three decades, total emissions of six principal air pollutants have decreased by more than 50 percent. Remarkably, this progress has occurred even while the U.S. Gross Domestic Product increased 176 percent, energy consumption increased 45 percent, and vehicle miles traveled increased 155 percent.
This progress will continue with implementation of the Administration’s new Clean Air Interstate Rule, the Clean Air Non-road Diesel Rule, and the President's Clear Skies legislation, which will result in a 70 percent cut in sulfur dioxide, nitrogen oxides and mercury emissions from power plants.
The trend of annual loss of wetlands has been reversed, and steady progress is being made on President Bush's Earth Day 2004 Wetlands Initiative, which will create, improve, and protect at least three million wetland acres over the next five years in order to increase overall wetland acres and quality.
Restoration and redevelopment of abandoned industrial sites known as brownfields is accelerating at a faster pace than before due to legislation supported and signed by President Bush early in his first term. Since 2001, nearly 1,200 brownfield sites have been restored, protecting public health, leveraging jobs, and revitalizing communities.
The President is meeting his commitment to reduce the National Park Service maintenance backlog. His 2006 budget request includes a $144 million increase over 2005 enacted levels for maintenance and construction at our parks, meeting his funding commitment of $4.9 billion over five years.
To find information in your zip code go to : http://california.earth911.org
You’ll also find info on :

Help prevent air pollution.
Simple things you can do to help save energy.
Saving water saves you money.

And:

Clean Boating
Air Pollution Prevention
Aluminum Can Recycling
Battery Recycling
Electronics Recycling
Energy Conservation
Environmental Glossary
Fire Prevention & Resources
Green Shopping Tips
Mercury Information
Organics & Composting
Used Motor Oil Recycling
Water Pollution & Conservation



You can learn many interesting science facts at this site: http://sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov


This site will teach you can help ! http://www.allspecies.org/neigh/block.htm

http://www.earthdayenergyfast.org/ More facts and ways to help the earth.

So read up and learn how to make this earth healthy for you and your family!!!

We all need some motivation some times…

I started a hiking group that meets a couple of times a month and have recently signed up for a few walk’s for causes and my goal is to get up to jog-a-thons this fall (5K at jogging isn’t so bad).

This is a motivator for me to keep fit and work out.

I get lazy at times and tired and then there is lack of time, I even go through periods of time where I am a “Weekend Warrior”.

So a pick me up here and there, such as keeping in shape for longer and longer or even steeper hikes as well as a walk/jog for a cause helps me out…not to mention fitting myself into a dress as matron of honor at my best friends upcoming wedding!!!

Even going and buying new lingerie helps because I think about how I will look for my husband.

With summer approaching the sun still out when I get home I have had a bit more energy and this helps. I’ll be more motivated to head to the park for a run and am not thinking quite so much of bed.

I am also, most of the time, horse back riding so I have my hobby that also gives me a butt kicking work out.

I don’t work out just to stay thin and look good; I also work out for a healthy heart and for energy.
My family has a history of diabetes and heart issues. I don’t plan on that happening to me.
I want to live a long and healthy life and have energy, do all the things I love to do and enjoy my children.This is also a perk for my husband! And him keeping in shape sure doesn’t hurt any!

May 7th Revlon Walk/jog for women!

Join the Fight!


On Saturday, May 7th, I will be participating in the 12th Annual Revlon Run/Walk ( walking) For Women. You can join me in the fight against women's cancers by making a donation on my behalf. Your donation will help fund important research into the cause and cure of women's cancers, prevention, education and support service programs. Every donation will help bring us one step closer to a cure.

Until a cure is found and we know that all women are safe, we must continue the fight.Save a Life, Make a Pledge.

It is estimated that one in eight American women will develop breast cancer at some point in her life. In 2005, more than 211,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed, while more than 22,000 will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

Behind each of these statistics is the face of a woman who needs your help -- a mother, a wife, a sister, your friend.

Revlon Run/WalkCreated in 1993 through the committed and collective efforts of the Entertainment Industry Foundation, Lilly Tartikoff, Ronald O. Perelman, and The Davis Group, the Revlon Run/Walk For Women has grown to become one of the nation's largest 5K fundraising events.

To date, the Run/Walks (LA/NY) have distributed over 30 million dollars for cancer research, counseling, and outreach programs. Thanks in part to these funds, new treatments are being developed and lives are being saved

http://www.revlonrunwalk.com/

Email me to make a donation or click on the link above to join!

Role models in marriage, life and parenthood.

When my husband and I got engaged we decided to go through pre-marital counseling…though unfortunately due to time, we didn’t.

Thankfully family and friends helped out and sent books. One great one we got was “ As for me and my house” which is my favorite yet.
We also received all the books his grandfather, who performed our ceremony, had written himself.

We talked and asked advice and got it even if we didn’t ask for it.

But I also went through a panic stage of “ Am I going to be a good wife?”.

My husband came from a great background where he had only ever seen his parents in an argument once in his life. His parents are still happily married after 30 years.

Most of my childhood memories are of the horrible and violent fights between my parents, they divorced when I was thirteen, got back together the same year and split again when I was seventeen.

I read a book that mentioned role models for marriage and how basically a person who came from a good back ground with role models and a person who came from the opposite wouldn’t make it together…I panicked some more.

I decided to sit down and think about those people in my life, marriage and not, who had been good role models in my life, no matter how short of a time.

I had my grandparents as role models, though not perfect and only in my life for the first nine years, most of my only good childhood memories where filled with them. (Though I reunited by phone and letters with my grandmother eight months before she passed away when I was nineteen and twenty).

From them I learned patience, kindness, manners and strength as well as how sometimes you must make choices that are incredibly hard to make to do what’s best for part of the family because another part is destroying it.
I learned that sacrifices are made for loved ones. I learned that a song and rocking in a chair, that tenderness, is most important. I learned hugs and kisses where needed.
I learned the love of jazz and loved sitting on the floor at the foot of the organ or piano in their home listening to them play and sing. I learned to love “ The King and I” and special memories of their past.
I learned to care for someone who is sick (and now always feel the need for green Jell-O when I am sick).
I learned to love the beach and loved more than anything a storm on the beach and watching a full moon rise above the water.
I learned that life and marriage and family and home are not all about fighting and anger and tears.

My aunt and uncle also where put on my list. They have three grown (or almost grown) children and twenty something years of marriage on their belts. They also made sacrifices and had to cut ties with family members to protect immediate ones.
They pushed their kids in school for the best grades and after school activities.
They protected their kids through trouble and reached out their hand to bring them out of it.
They where there for me when I needed them and my aunt was at my wedding, helping along with my sister and cousin when I was feeling down because my mother wasn’t there.
I learned, by watching my aunt and my cousin, what a mother-daughter relationship should be like.

I also added a woman from my teenage years who taught our Sunday school class at church and hosted our youth group activities.
I learned how a home should not be something you are ashamed of bringing other people into. How to open your home and invite others to enjoy a day of activities and dinner. Support of their children and smiles across the room between husband and wife.
I learned to reach for your dreams and to cry on someone’s shoulder.
I learned that I don’t have to be what I was raised to be, I can be what I want to be and live a good life, better than the expectations my parents set for me.
One of my favorite memories was a trip to Alabama and we stayed at a beach house for over a week and I learned that fighting and violence all the time wasn’t normal.

Then, I met my future husband and I added him to my list as well as his parents. They where a role model of a good family, a caring family who calls each other, sends cards and it’s not a strained conversation when they do talk. A family that opened their arms and accepted me in and supports one another. A family that isn’t violent or fighting and a home that is filled with good memories and not the sadness that my childhood home is.

I also put my parents on the list, last. But as a role model of what NOT to be like in my home, life and marriage as well as eventually a parent.
I wanted to be happy, I didn’t’ want cheating and lying, drugs, drinking, violence and abuse to be a part of my life.

My uncle said “ Your mom did teach you, just do the opposite of her and you’ll be doing things right”.

So I guess I did learn something, we have to learn right from wrong, bad from good and I did.

So I sometimes struggle with a temper and I can be emotional and at times I panic but I also know what I WANT to be and I know to go and find how to be that. I work and put in the effort and make a happy life and existence, not just become a miserable person because I don’t have it or I’m too lazy to go get it or I prefer the pity of not being happy.

I am happy and yes, everyday is a struggle and I still have nightmares of ruining my Childs life. But I’m normal and my home will be normal and my marriage will be normal and my children will be brought up normal because the way of my childhood was NOT normal, and I know that now.

I won’t just wish for it either, I’ll make it happen.

Oh, and any advice is always welcome=)

I also recommend tha , even if many years into marriage, you make a list of your role models in life and why they are and what you learned from them, not just for marriage but for every aspect of life.

Memory lane/ first Anti-Date.

Oh! First date’s weddings…walks down memory lane!

We met and went to dinner, closed the restaurant. Went to BJ’s and closed that. Then decided we weren’t finished talking and went to a nearby park in my neighborhood.

First of all, we started inside jokes from minute one.

“ Oh yeah, I should tell you that I’m actually a cop and I will be carrying a gun”
“ But you should feel safe with a guy who has a gun” (not if you are a wack job=)
“ Yes, it’s a gun, not that I’m NOT happy to meet you”.

Then as we where looking for a parking spot, I have this “ get to the point attitude, military style thing going on and pointed to a spot and said “ THERE”. I immediately got the “ your bossy “ thing.

Then at the park there was a pond and on the other side of the pond (mind you this is from 1:am to 5:30 am) there where some guy’s and well, I’ll admit, I couldn’t tell what they where doing and it looked odd at the side of the pond which is not a fishing type but has small fish to feed the ducks. But finally “ New Rookie cop, two months on the beat” has to “ Check it out” and “ assess the situation” and I am left in the car with a cell ready to call 911 while he literally runs from tree to tree until he is out of my site.

I fell asleep. So much for “back up”.

He comes back and tells me that the guy’s are homeless and fishing!!! He even tells me he did the tree-to-tree thing and even that whole “ TV roll” from one hiding place to another! Oh man, this is a funny one, he was also wearing all black and even a black cap.

So, now that the world was safe from homeless men fishing in slimy ponds after one in the morning we talked for hours, when we saw a lady walking her CAT we realized it was 5:30 am and then went to Denny’s where I told him (once under florescent lights) that he looked like crap.

So, we did have dinner then breakfast the next day and no…didn’t sleep together=) another inside joke.

Also, I basically had my initiation into dating an Officer with odd hours.

I had to go to work at 7:30 the next morning!

Online Dating..Thank you Yahoo!

Meeting online…

When I first heard or thought of this I had thought it was for losers, those people who really where about three hundred pounds but sending each other pictures of skinny supermodels. I had thought it was for people who couldn’t get a date if they tried and still lived at the age of thirty, with their parents.

But then I had a desk job that had me working weekends for awhile and all I had to do was be there, maybe take about two calls a day but I’d be there for seven hours doing absolutely nothing. I was also new to California and had previously been in a relationship that once it broke up I cut ties with any friends I had made in California so far.

I went online to find chats, things to do and people to do them with. Not just men to date but friends, people who knew California and could show me the hotspots. Anything I could find though was frankly, sexual or the people seemed to stupid or young to get to know and in annoyance I would go back to reading a book.

Finally enough time had passed since my last relationship broke up to start thinking about dating again. I went out on a couple of dates but I found that the men I was meeting at work or in the neighborhood while walking my dog just weren’t the guy’s I wanted to date. After one un-successful blind date fixed up by a friend I decided that I was still bored at work on the weekends and jumped back online to Yahoo personals to check it out. I put up a profile and browsed a bit through the male prospects but didn’t make any contact.

The next day I checked my inbox and found that I had THREE HUNDRED replies!!!
Geesh, I thought, was I that good or what kind of women where on here? I weeded through the emails, immediately dumping any that came off strong, pathetic or pornographic and responded back to a couple. For the next few weeks I chatted online through email and instant message as well as by phone and even attempted meeting a couple in a public restaurant.

Some of the conversations I had where really great and intelligent. Many of the guy’s where in the same boat I was, being new to Cali, found chat sites stupid and decided to go the rout of Yahoo personals. In a few weeks I had over nine hundred responses alone and more icebreakers than I could count. So I asked a few guy’s I chatted with about that and they said that most women on these sites where drug users, heavy partiers, a mama with three babies under the age of five and needed a daddy or that they lived with their parents who where forcing them to get out so they where looking for a guy to shack up with. Or just plain slutty types who would sleep with five guys are a week. So I was often asked what my problem was, what was wrong with me since I had none of those issues. I seemed so great…but something’s gotta be wrong, right?

Well, I told them my faults, those I knew of. I could be bossy; growing up the oldest of eight kids could do that. I sometimes sound like a know-it-all, even my now husband says this, because I’ve been there-done that in so many different things. I’ve lived a pretty full life for my young age (twenty one at the time, nearing twenty two).
But they said that this wasn’t bad stuff…of course my now-husband jokes that they didn’t live with me!

So after a few try’s at dating I still had not found someone to be in a relationship with, but I also wasn’t looking for that at all. I was having fun, meeting new people, going out dancing and hearing local bands that where really quite good.

I saw more of what LA had to offer, shown around by guy’s who knew it well.
But then there where guy’s who would get too attached after only the second date and I basically had to have that favorite little conversation of “ it’s not you, it’s me”.

Then there was the guy who called me a “Flaming C%^T”. This memory I still laugh about and tell the story as on our first date the guy was all over me, the second date was only because I decided to give him a second chance, besides being all over me he seemed like a great guy. But the second one, though he wasn’t trying to get in my pants so much, brought along a conversation with him telling me that he didn’t want to be stuck in a relationship and wanted to be able to date other people and sleep with other people but that I wouldn’t have the same privileges as well as had to get rid of the male room mate I had renting the extra room in my house and couldn’t even talk to brothers or male cousins without him present. I’d also have to have anal sex with him and whenever he wanted it (this is where I guessed he must have a small one, though I never bothered to find out). The list went on, I had to check in with him every hour of every day and ASK before I could do anything or go anywhere!

Now, I have lived on my own since I was seventeen, lived alone in New York City for six months out of the year for four years and up and moved to California because I felt like it. I even had, earlier this same year, jumped in my car and driven to the Shasta forest area and took a job working with horses on some hick mountaintop because it was something different to do.
I do things when I want, how I want and I don’t answer to anyone, I follow the laws, am not a partier or one to experiment with drugs either. My rebellion doesn’t run the way of the usual twenty one year old but I do my own thing and I certainly don’t call to check in with a guy who I am chained too and yet he’s not even chained to me!
We stood there in my driveway after dinner while I listened quietly as he told me this, thinking BYE BYE, and then he stopped and said, “ So, it’s agreed?” I calmly chuckled and asked if he was joking, he wasn’t.

I told him of course not in a very calm voice and said good night as I turned to go (hoping my body building room mate was home in case of any trouble).
And he starts yelling at me that I am an immature baby and he couldn’t believe I was refusing, yadayadayada. I couldn’t believe he was for real.

I walked away and into my home (where, thankfully, my bodybuilding room mate was) and left the guy standing in the driveway.
The next few weeks I was basically stalked, but thankfully it was online and not in person or any other means. I kept having crazy messages calling me all these names (including my favorite, Flaming C*&T) and calling me childish and immature for my response…. umm, I thought it was the other way around but that’s just me.

Thankfully the bozo finally went away (after blocking his emails, etc). And I did continue with my online dating experience which otherwise went very well.

Then the day came when I checked my messages and there was the one guy’s reply that didn’t gush “ I love your picture, you look like a model, I love your profile, you sound so intelligent” crap that I had mostly been getting. I more of “ You misspelled intelligent, you look pissed off in the one picture but the one where you are smiling is really good and more natural”.

And well, I must say that I fell in love with the sweet writing of his profile as well as the hunk of a man in the pictures with a big Jack Nicholson kinda smile.

We ended up emailing, instant messaging and talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before making an “ anti-date” for dinner.

Well, that date went on for ages, dinner, then a drink at another place, then the park for hours on end then Denny’s.

It also led to a relationship, engagement, and marriage.

I still didn’t tell people I had met him online until after the wedding.

So we joke now about the way we met, how we have still failed at having an Anti-date since he kissed me on the first date. (Something about the sideways look and smile and something I did with my eyebrows that made him forget about us being on an anti-date).

Let me explain real quickly: An Anti-Date is a date where it’s for meeting people; hang out, no expectations, not looking to find your soul mate, etc.

We failed…

But we are happy, and though we are enemies if the socks don’t get picked up we are also companions in life, lovers and best friends.
In a life when life can often be consumed by work, sleep and cleaning house or errands or the people that you meet in daily life are not the ones you want to actually spend any personal time with, online dating can work for you.

Spend ing$50 million to take food out of families mouths.

By circumventing the legislature, Schwarzenegger is relying on Hollywood magic to woo voters still angered over a mishandled budget. While trolling around Sacramento in his Humvee “Reform 1,” Schwarzenegger employs his celebrity to manipulate the issue and garner signatures. By ignoring our concerns, the Governor continues to mislead our State, and jeopardize the financial futures of our families. We cannot allow the Governor to gain political ground and get this initiative on the ballot. The Governor has a fat wallet and is expected to spend over $50 million dollars for the pension campaign. Perhaps the Governor should invest that money on civic programs that would truly benefit the community, rather then a pension plan that only benefits his political ego.

Tell your friends, family, and neighbors about the dangers of the Governor’s pension initiative. Encourage aggressive Pension opposition and REFUSE to sign any ballot petition. Our community needs to speak in a loud and unified voice that echoes in the halls of our State Capitol. Together we can ensure that our voices are heard and successfully terminate the Governator’s proposal of true lies.

LAPD.net

Visit www.LAPD.com

What will be left?

Feel-good LAPD policy does nothing to make Los Angeles safer Thursday, April 14, 2005 -

In Los Angeles, we trust cops to protect us from the most hardened of criminals. We trust them with the safety of our children. We trust them to patrol our streets and uphold our laws.

But apparently we can't trust them with a full-size flashlight. That seems to be the message from the Police Commission, which has acceded to Chief William Bratton's request to buy lightweight flashlights -- at a cost of $500,000 -- for all Los Angeles Police Department officers. The move, opposed by the union representing LAPD cops, comes in the wake of the televised flashlight-beating of car-theft suspect Stanley Miller.

The change in flashlight policy is only another step in a long series of "reforms" to take away cops' ability to subdue violent suspects.

The commission imposed a moratorium on chokeholds back in the 1980s. So cops started using their batons, but in the 1990s, after the Rodney King fiasco, the LAPD severely restricted its officers' ability to use them.

Now, when faced with an unruly suspect, a cop has neither the chokehold, the baton nor even a hefty flashlight, which leaves him or her with what means of self-defense? The gun.

This is supposed to reduce the use of excessive force? And in a city with a Police Department as woefully short-handed as the LAPD, does it make sense to spend a half-million dollars buying 10,000 new flashlights, rather than hiring five new cops or providing better training so officers do a better job of dealing with difficult situations?

Leaving police officers outnumbered and inadequately outfitted is no way to make the city -- or the brave men and women protecting it -- any safer.

LAPD.com

Ameria over-does it...

Here is an absolute great article that I read and loved as what the author says about us American’s “overdoing it” is so true!

http://www.nrdc.org/onearth/02win/9steps1.asp

A peice from the article reads...
“To fund all our excess, Americans work more than anyone else. Each year, we spend twelve more weeks at our desks than those bon vivant Norwegians. We've even pulled ahead of the Japanese, the only people ever to feel the need to coin a word for "keeling over and dying from overwork."
"Simplify!" you can almost hear Thoreau muttering from his grave. "Simplify!"

The time it takes...

Below I have posted a chart supplied by the UBC Waste Management that hsows how long it takes for certain materials to disinigrate.

I don’t drink soda’s so aluminum can’s are not an issue and very rarely tin cans ( maybe about one a month at most) but glass jars are at times an issue and plastic water bottles as well for me. My clothes are donated to be used again at woman’s shelters so they are at least reused as much as posable.
I have stoppped using plastic bags at the grocersy stores but times at a mall or bookstore may still happen. For this I bought a cloth bag that I can resuse forever.
I don’;t eat out often but when I now eat in the cafetaria at my office I eat it there instead of to go so as not to use the to-go containers.
I use a regular coffee cup at the office instead of the styrofoam cups which could add up to abouit 5 a day.
I don’t smoke so no need to worry about the butt’s.
Are the orange peels good fertilizer like in compost? ( I live in an apartnent so do not have compost myself).
The 6 pack plastic holder rings was a shocking amount of years to disinigrate but I don’t use those either.

If anyone has an alternative to what I do use ( such as plastic water bottles) please feel free to share.

Product Time it takes

Cotton Rags 1-5 months
Paper 2-5 months
Rope 3-14 months
Orange Peels 6 months
Wool Socks 1-5 years
Cigarette butts 1-12 years
Plastic coated

paper cartons 5 years
Plastic bags 10-20 years
Leather shoes 25-40 years
Nylon fabric 30-40 years
Tin cans 50-100 years
Aluminum cans 80-100 years
Plastic 6-pack

holder rings 450 years
Glass bottles 1 million years
Plastic bottles Never

Table from UBC Waste Management

The Effects of Smoking and Drinking and Drugs…

Neither my husband nor I have ever even tried drugs or smoking at all. Our extent of drinking is about maybe six drinks a year at most.

I have never had any desire to even try drugs or smoking cigarettes and having grown up with parents who did both of those things helped with that decision I suppose but mostly is it that I feel there is no point. I know and see what drugs can do to you. I see that smoking ages and discolors and causes heart disease and cancers.
Cigarette’s also stink and discolor the walls and furniture of a home. It’s ugly and unattractive and no, it’s not cool.
Drugs lead down a whole other path in life and I have never known a person who was happy with their lives or themselves that did drugs, and I’ve known allot of people who did them all my life. I saw mothers who would let their child go hungry or shoeless to buy their fix. I saw children born into this world with cocaine racing through their system…cocaine only lasts in a persons system for three days, this means the mother had to have done some with in three days of giving birth.

Alcohol was another part of my life growing up, my parents as well as their friends and other family.
In this I saw people hit those they claimed to love, I saw tempers turn violent and I saw body’s deteriorate. I saw people make mistakes and do things they wouldn’t otherwise do. I saw people use drinking as an excuse. I saw people who drank because they where happy and drank because they where not. I saw people drink to solve their problems or find gut’s to do something. I saw people hit their children.

These three things also age you, ruin your skin and your organs and health.

So why do people drink, smoke or do drugs?

Then to top it off, here are some facts:

“Cigarette filters take about five years to disintegrate. Also, since the purpose of the filter is to collect the toxins in the cigarette, it creates a tiny package of toxic substances that's harmful to wildlife and fish. Winter rains leach out the toxins, which end up in the creek, poisoning the fish and other aquatic life.” www.friendsofbidwellpark.org

Though I have also read and heard up to twentyfive years as well.

"Worldwide, 47 percent of men and 12 percent of women smoke a total of 6 trillion cigarettes a year. In the U.S., 600 billion cigarettes are smoked every year." (World Health Organization, 1999).
"About four million people die worldwide each year as a result of smoking. In the United States, tobacco use is responsible for nearly one in five deaths, killing more than 400,000 Americans each year. This is more than the number of people who would die every year if three jumbo jets crashed each day with no survivors." www.oralcancerfoundation.org


“In the next hour, 50 people will die because of tobacco. Tobacco is a risk factor for some 25 diseases, and while its effects on health are well known, the scale of its impact on global disease may not be fully appreciated. Tobacco as a risk factor is expected to make a greater claim on health than any single disease. The World Health Organization (WHO) reports the worldwide death toll from tobacco use is 4 million annually. This is far greater than the number of fatalities from all illegal drugs and alcohol combined. The death toll is expected to rise to 10 million per year by the 2020's or early 2030's, with 7 million deaths occurring in developing countries. The WHO estimates that there are approximately 1.1 billion regular smokers in the world, which is one-third of the global population aged 15 years and older.
Nationally, tobacco contributes to about one-third of U.S. cancer, one-quarter of heart disease and about 400,000 premature deaths each year. Tobacco is a known cause of lung, bladder, mouth, pharyngeal, pancreatic, kidney, stomach, laryngeal, and esophageal cancer. About ten million people in the U.S. have died from causes attributed to smoking and tobacco use (including heart disease, emphysema, and other respiratory diseases) since 1964. Two million of these deaths were the result of lung cancer alone. Tobacco is the most global cause of cancer, and it is preventable. Despite widespread knowledge of the risk that tobacco exposure and use poses, it is single-handedly responsible for wide spread disease, rampant drug addiction, an alarming death rate, substantial economic burden and reduction of the quality of life worldwide. “Oral cancer & tobacco
"When tobacco and alcohol use are combined, the risk of oral cancer increases 15 times more than non-users of tobacco and alcohol products."
"Oral cancer can literally wipe the smile off your face…"
Studies indicate that there is a definitive link between the use of tobacco products and the development of oral cancer. One study conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, found that more than eight out of ten oral cancer patients were smokers.
Approximately 30,000 new cases of oral cancer are diagnosed in the U.S. each year. More than 8,000 people die from oral cancer each year in the U.S. Oral cancer represents about 4 percent of all cancers and 2.2 percent of all cancer deaths in the U.S. In the western world in general, oral cancer accounts for 2-6 percent of all malignancies. In Asia, oropharyngeal cancer is the leading cancer in men, and in Africa and Asia it is the third most frequent cancer site in women. The average five-year survival rate of patients with oral cancer is about 50 percent. This is primarily due to late detection of the disease. Early detection and prevention are the key to fighting this deadly disease.
Tobacco products, heavy use of alcohol and particularly the combined use of both, have been implicated as the main causes of oral cancer. A typical high-risk profile for oral cancer is male, over age 40, who uses tobacco and/or heavy alcohol. However, the male-female ratio has dropped from 6 to 1 in 1950 to about 2 to 1 at present. About 95 percent of all oral cancers occur in persons over 40 years of age. The average age at the time of diagnosis is about 60. For preventive purposes, it is significant that oral cancer is largely a "lifestyle" disease, meaning the majority of cases are related to tobacco and alcohol use. This usage can be affected by proper education, counseling and treatment. “www.oralcancerfoundation.org


“Each year since 1994, alcohol-related traffic deaths have hovered between 16,000 and 17,000, while the percentage of highway deaths that have been alcohol-related has stagnated at about 40 percent." In addition to the shocking death toll, an estimated 600,000 other people are injured each year in alcohol-related crashes. At the current level of drunk driving in America, about three in every 10 Americans will be involved in an alcohol-related crash in their lifetimes, according to U.S. DOT. While the problem is not making headlines, there is no doubt that drunk driving remains a serious issue.” www.drivingtoday.com

How to fight....

I found this following article at: www.suite101.com under newlywed life and thought I’d share as my marriage topic of the week.



“Let’s get ready to rumble! The idea for this article came from a reader named Tiffany. She wanted to know how often other newlywed couples fight and how they deal with it. This week’s poll is about this same topic. In this article, I will give you a glimpse of how my husband Jason and I handle the occasional argument.

1. Go ahead. It's O.k. to argue once in a while.

“We never fight…” We have all heard that one. I have even said it myself before. Jason and I rarely argue, but when we do, I feel like we have accomplished something. I know you are probably thinking that nothing can be accomplished by arguing. Well, I am going to argue that…hee-hee. People who are not arguing at all, are most likely holding something back. By arguing, the right way, you can express how you feel. You can say things that you have been dying to say. You can vent…Calmly and intelligently. Make your case in a productive way. Don’t yell, scream, bite, or throw. Sit down face to face and talk it out. Make a list of your concerns and a list of possible solutions. Toss out any solutions your spouse cannot live with. By doing this, each of you can participate in the solution making process.

2. Be reasonable.

“I am just too emotional…” Let me tell you something; I am the Queen of emotion. Over the past couple of years I have been able to overcome this a bit with the help of my husband and by doing something positive with my emotion, such as writing. Women fight from the heart. We fight with feelings, not with facts. I have often cried and shouted, “But I really want that new car!”.

Jason would look at me and say, “You want it, but you don’t need it and we simply can’t afford a new car right now.”

Men fight with fact. But we women don’t care a bit for fact. We want feeling and passion. If you look at the situation with a clear and level head, you’ll see that fighting with feeling isn’t a good idea. If your spouse gives into your crying and fussing, you may end up with what you wanted, but you’ll also end up with the consequences that go along with it. In my case, that would be a high car payment. Lucky for me, I gave up on the car thing and saw his point of view. Now, a year later, we are in a better position to get a new car and I really do need one.

3. Have a little faith.

"We don't share the same religious views..." This point may step on a few toes. It is only an observation of people I know and an observation of my own relationship. Take it with a grain of salt. Couples who share the same faith, whatever it may be, seem find more comfort in each other. By sharing the same religious views, you can pray together and have faith that the situation will be resolved peacefully together. Another plus to sharing the same faith is attending a worship service together. I feel so close to my husband during our church services. We hold hands and take notes of things to talk about together after the service. It's peaceful. Also, couples who share a religious view that teaches divorce as a last resort are more likely to stay together. They find other, more creative ways, to solve their marital problems. Our church, for instance, offers free marital counseling. Our Pastor will even visit your home. If you are in need of some counseling; you will be surprised how many places of worship will open their doors and help you.

4. Share a hobby.

"My husband stays up all night playing video games..." This is a direct quote from me! I used to get so mad when Jason would stay up late playing video games! Finally, I decided to see what was so great about his beloved Playstation. Now I am hooked too! We get pretty competitive. Now that I have taken more of an interest in his favorite hobby, he buys games he thinks I'll like and helps me out on games I am stuck on. It's fun to share a hobby with your spouse. Now, if only he would take up scrap booking! Just kidding. Be realistic ladies.

Well, I hope some of this has been helpful to you. If you have any additional questions or comments, feel free to email me at kellysmarried@suite101.com or post it on the discussion board. Thanks for reading! "

I have to admit that I am emotional; I go from being mad to crying. I was once a very cold person and at times my husband says I still can be, that I “ turn off “my emotions.

When these fight are over we often realize that they are so stupid and small and didn’t warrant the time and emotion given, though other times they do as well.
My husband and I are still “learning” how to fight with each other, keep things controlled and not get mean as can happen and things are said that are not meant.

My husband used to always brings up “ I only saw my parents fight once”.

I had always said, “ They only let you see it once, that doesn’t mean in thirty years of marriage that they only fought once”.

I had this conversation with his mom one day and told her that he said that and she replied “ oh, no, he may have only seen it once but it did happen more often then that!”

She also said that with me her son had finally met his match and between the two of us stubborn people we would often butt heads. The advice though was to “learn” how to fight with each other, how to handle things properly.

We are learning, by trial and error of course. We are both incredibly stubborn as his mom said and hell, I’m from Texas…always ready for a war right?

We do share the same religion, though at the current time it’s the “we believe but don’t go to church” religion.

Hubby has tried getting me to play X-box with him…I just hate it, bored to tears. But I have no problem at all with him playing it, as long as the timing is right. He works from about 3 in the afternoon until 3 in the morning so he has time when I am at work on weekdays (when most of his days off are) before I get home at 7:30 and time at night after I go to bed between about ten pm and three am.

He doesn’t like hiking…at all!

Horses fascinate him but it’s not really his thing and he lives vicariously through me on that one.

But on occasion we do work out together, explore Barns and Noble, walk through the mall, go see a movie, read curled up together or watch movies at home and more.

One thing I do is asked advice…and listen.
So feel free to share your advice in handling fights.

A letter to a friend...

Life…

When a life is coming to it’s end, by old age, it can be a difficult pill to swallow.
Retirement often depresses those who have been hardworking all their lives and up into their late age worked full time.
Now the time comes when the work is suddenly too stressful and it’s time to take that long vacation you worked so hard for and so much deserve, retirement.

You have worked from the time you left your childhood and you have raised a family, put children through college and seen grandchildren enter the world and now even they enter college and the life of a working adult.

You have accomplished many things, as you look back, your family that you have built and taken care of and provided for, taught how to live in the world and given them the tools needed to survive and have their own lives and families and careers.

You saw your children grow from little eight-pound bundles into a grown and respectful man or woman with children of their own.
You’ve sent them parenting themselves and learning from mistakes as they go.
You saw them transition from childhood to adulthood to parenthood.

Now you have entered the part of your life that brings older age, retirement and a much needed rest and payment for years of hard and successful work. You get to sit back and enjoy life, hobbies, family, traveling, the grandkids and weddings.

Yet, you are depressed, you struggle with letting go of work and yet you struggle now at work, not able to keep up and so on, God is telling you to take your rest and you are fighting it every step of the way.
You look at life with sadness; look at these years being “the end”.

Instead of looking at life like I mentioned above, the rest and vacation much earned, time with your family and time to travel to them all as they have spread out across the lands.
Time to enjoy hobbies and perhaps start back to things you once did but in years of parenthood and adulthood career, you look at life and seeing that your years are short on this land you are depressed and sad and not happy with your life at the moment.

But we must all go sometime, and if you believe in God you believe in the Heaven, the home that God has prepared for you. You are truly just closing the chapter in your book and turning to another.
There is nothing you can do about death or facing it. Some people don’t get the knowledge that their life will soon end but some lives end after years on earth when the body is old and the spirit is ready to shed it for the next chapter.

So why depressed? Would you rather not know that the end is near? Would you rather have died young and before “ your time”? Before you raised your children, married your best friend and worked a successful career? Before you learned what you loved in life and traveled and spent time enjoying the grand earth made for you?

In knowing that your end is near and due to old age you have the knowledge that you survived this world, survived tests God gave you and strengthened your soul.
You have the knowledge that your time on earth is finished and that life was not cut short for you. Your loved ones have the knowledge that it was your time and not the feeling or belief that you where taken before your time. You have the knowledge that you raised a good family, did your job on earth and that it is your time for the next step in the great plan that God has for you.

Death of old age, when your time has come, is not something to be depressed about or even afraid, God is there, God planned this for you long before you where born. It is time to reap the benefits of hard work and take that long vacation, spend more time with the family.

If you live each day after a certain age or time depressed and “oh, me, I am coming to my end anytime now” you will age yourself faster and lose precious years, your last day will come and you will look back with regret that you didn’t enjoy the past five or so years but spent them walking through a dark depression and you will wish for that time back to make it right, to take the chance to enjoy what was given to you to enjoy.
You will wish that you had made it easier for your family, that their last memories of you where happy ones and not pulled down to share in your depression.

If you knew that tomorrow was your last day on earth, and there’s not a thing you could do about it, would you want to sulk in depression or would you want to enjoy every last minute to it’s fullest?

I wake up every morning and thank God for the new day and the many blessings and answered prayers received. But not in fear for this being my last day or a day closer to death. It’s not fair to yourself, to your family or to God.
Enjoy these last years to the fullest.

Victoria's Dirty Little Secret.

I love Victoria’s Secret, and in our new marriage, so does my husband!

But I found this site on their dity little secret through another blog :
(http://getvegan.com/blog/blogger.php) and info and the fact that Victoria’s secret produces 1,000,000 a DAY! And is destroying our rain forests.

I agree with this as when I order online I am then bombarded with catalogs in my mail, I mean, I must get about four a month and they are all the same!
Since I order in the store or online I never use the catalog.


I would think that one every season would be enough. Maybe 2-4 a year but not as many as I was getting (until I put a stop to it and those I did get I recycled).

Also, why don’t they use recycled paper?

This would save them customers and from having a website like this about them.

Come on people, even McDonalds is trying to accommodate healthy eating…the least you can do is trim back the amount of paper used and use recycled paper.

(http://www.victoriasdirtysecret.net/)

Our Children...

Here’s an article for parents or eventual parents out there everywhere though I think much of this can also be towards Office working adults as well.

http://www.nrdc.org/onearth/01fal/livgreen.asp

A piece form the article…
“Per pound of body weight, growing children breathe more, eat more, and drink more than adults, which makes them little walking sponges for environmental contaminants”/

Join the Fight!

Join the Fight!

On Saturday, May 7th, I will be participating in the 12th Annual Revlon Run/Walk ( walking) For Women. You can join me in the fight against women's cancers by making a donation on my behalf. Your donation will help fund important research into the cause and cure of women's cancers, prevention, education and support service programs. Every donation will help bring us one step closer to a cure. Until a cure is found and we know that all women are safe, we must continue the fight.

Save a Life, Make a Pledge.It is estimated that one in eight American women will develop breast cancer at some point in her life. In 2005, more than 211,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed, while more than 22,000 will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Behind each of these statistics is the face of a woman who needs your help -- a mother, a wife, a sister, your friend.

Revlon Run/WalkCreated in 1993 through the committed and collective efforts of the Entertainment Industry Foundation, Lilly Tartikoff, Ronald O. Perelman, and The Davis Group, the Revlon Run/Walk For Women has grown to become one of the nation's largest 5K fundraising events. To date, the Run/Walks (LA/NY) have distributed over 30 million dollars for cancer research, counseling, and outreach programs. Thanks in part to these funds, new treatments are being developed and lives are being saved



www.revlonrunwalk.com

“Be part of Los Angeles’ biggest fundraiser for women’s cancers; distributing nearly $32 million in the past 11 years. Join over 50,000 men, women, and children at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on Saturday, May 7th – Mother’s Day Weekend – in an amazing, life-affirming display of support for the women in our lives.”

Experience the continued hope provided by cutting-edge medical breakthroughs funded from Run/Walk proceeds. Witness the tremendous courage of thousands of cancer survivors who are walking in celebration of life. And feel the strength of thousands united by the power of a common dream – to keep the women we love safe from cancer

The 5K course begins under a sea of confetti as survivors, loved ones, and friends start out shoulder to shoulder in support of the women they love. You’ll complete your Revlon Run/Walk For Women experience by running or walking through the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum tunnel onto the Olympic field. Hundreds of volunteers and grateful friends will greet you with a medallion as you cross the finish line.

You can run, walk or volunteer. Whatever you do you’ll be glad you joined in this important fight against women’s cancers.

You can email me for info. I have not joined a team but would like to put my own together.

To his health and to mine.

This would fall under marriage and health and issue.

I once posted on a site for wives of cop’s and asked if their husbands kept in shape and if they did to and if they ever worked out together, etc.

Now, none of these where LAPD Officer’s and wives, they where spread out all over the states. All of them said that their husbands where out of shape and so where they and that with kids or working they had no time to stay in shape.

I was simply appalled by this.

My husband and I joke and call each other “ Each other’s Investment”.
When we married we where both a certain weight and form, through life and children that will change …but only to a point. I will not let myself get fat and he won’t let himself get fat, it’s not fair to each other, our children to have unhealthy parents who have no energy to play with them and it’s not fair to ourselves.

It’s not all about weight either, it’s about health, heart disease and Diabetes which runs in both of our families. We even want to be healthy against cancers of which both of our family’s history has as well.

We have subscriptions to several health and fitness magazines which give us both insight and are filled with articles and tip’s for healthy eating, not just for weight loss but for good health all around.

We are big fan’s of Paul Chek as well and I have been coming across more articles and findings about women’s health for themselves and their child that starts years before getting pregnant, which makes since if you think about the fact that an unhealthy person is more likely to incubate an unhealthy child.

My husband recently learned that he had high blood pressure and his diet and exercise is well so it was mostly due to stress but we did make a few adjustments as in not using salts and oil’s so much (even though we already try not to) and he jumped up his work out’s a bit too, fitting in more cardio workout’s.

I actually gained weight right before the wedding, ten pounds, due to stress and lack of time of wedding planning in three short months, but lost it soon after. I have since gained back about five of them due to plain laziness and that goes for working out as well as eating habits.
I have, however, jumped back on the wagon and with the sun still shining by the time I get home I have more energy and working out in the evenings is easier now when before it was impossible because I would get home and it would be so dark after a long day of work and I had only a few hours to cook and eat dinner, clean up the house, shower and relax a little before bed. I do get up early enough to work out in the mornings for about forty-five minutes but there are lazy times in that too, especially if I happened to get to bed late the night before.
So I am still trying to find my perfect timing and scheduling for myself, I am working for sticking to a forty-five minute workout in the mornings and a twenty –thirty minute on in the evenings and then on weekends I hit the park with jogging or the hills with hiking. I even started a hiking group that meets a couple times a month for motivation that at times is needed.

I also usually ride horses, training etc. but currently and for the last couple of months I’ve slowed that down due to losing the horse I was leasing because of the owner deciding to breed her. I’ll start again by June but currently am filling my time getting a few other projects done that take up my weekends…like finally getting my wedding thank you notes sent out after more than six months!
I’m finishing the scrapbooks I made for our wedding and our wedding scrapbook itself and now have added two new ones to do.
I’ve decorated our patio and catching up on reading and studying as well as career training and research. This blog and writing, spending time with my husband, regular chores and grocery’s and working out, working full time, three hours a day traveling (by bus and subway) and more.

So life is busy but my husband and I are big on balance so it takes trying things in different ways and figuring it out.

But for all the working out, eating healthy, running air purifier’s in our home, etc. I hope to be a long living and healthy wife, sister, daughter, friend and mother.
The motivation my husband gives me and that I give him is great and I’m also relieved to know that my “investment” cares about me as much as I care about him and that frankly, no, I really don’t want to be married fat an overweight, diabetic fat man who dies of a heart attack in his forty’s. And I’m sure he appreciated that he gets the same train of thought from me and that I care about myself, not just for him, but for myself as well.

To our health.

The Plastic Bag...

Reading through and searching for info I came across this article: http://www.nrdc.org/onearth/03sum/bag.asp.

I know exactly where the writer comes from as I do my part so as not to use plastic or paper and take along to the store a small cart, one of those you see at the farmers market, being pushed by little old ladies. Well at twenty-three you’ll see me pushing that around town, to the farmers market and to the grocery store.I put things directly into the cart and not into bags. This cuts down on bags and mess in my house as well as bags used to destroy the environment.

I on occasion end up using a paper bag when my cart over flows and I carry them on top of the rest of the load on the cart but I plan on getting some of those cloth bags from Trader Joes this weekend when I saw how many of the paper bags I can end up going through, in the meantime I recycle them.

Also, walking to the farmers market a couple of blocks away and to the grocery store a few blocks saves gas, money and polluting the air.

Your own time.

Not all hobbies have to be the same.

My husband and I are VERY alike on many subjects and then there are subjects that we are VERY different. But this gives us much to talk about and learn about each other as well as is often something that we find interesting in the other person.

My poor hubby is the type that scorches in the slightest bit of sunlight; in fact, I am convinced I married a vampire. This actually is one good reason for him to work nights.
Much of his family is the same, they can’t stand the heat or sun and their fair freckled skin turns tomato red in no time.

I have light skin even though I’m of mixed origin and I try not to tan and use plenty of sun block to help prevent skin cancer. But the sun loves my skin and if I let myself I could turn a nice golden brown, actually I can get dark enough to look like a light haired Native American or Spanish person in no time.

I come from Houston Texas, tropical humidity and heat and hubby comes from Northern California.

I am the outdoors type, hiking, horseback riding, parks, and beaches.

Hubby much prefers things to do indoors.
Working out in front of Star Trek on the TV is preferred to sweating up in the hills while hiking.

We talk about places we want to travel to and all of mine are national parks, outdoors places and his are all city and indoors.

But we work around each other’s hobbies quite well and still have a few we share.

Not everything we do, as a new married couple has to be together.

With our schedules we also both can easily arrange our hobbies around each other as well.

On weekends that he is off I can do things in the mornings and spend the afternoon with him. Even days he works I can spend lunchtime with him. Weekdays that he is off he plays X-Box and all when I’m asleep since he goes to bed at about 3:am or while I’m at work from the time he wakes up around noon until I get home in the evening.

On evenings he works I have time to myself for whatever I want to do without him.

Then our evenings together on days he is off and after I get home from work or the few weekends off a month that he has we get to do the things together that we both like to do and spend time together.

It’s all good and us both being independent people really helps. Being an independent woman who can easily entertain myself and is not clingy also helps in a marriage to a cop and in the long run, causes a lot less stress from long shifts and night alone.

I was talking to another wife the other day and we both agreed that we don’t understand those wives who “can’t sleep at night worrying about their husbands or in the bed alone” etc.

Hell, we both agreed we enjoyed taking up all the space on the bed, something my husband says I do with or with out him in it though!

But having our own hobbies and being able to enjoy our “me” time as I call it, helps keep me from being a needy wife that nag’s her husband to spend more time with her and helps me from becoming bitter and lonely at times which I hear about a lot.

Any marriage or relationship needs space apart from each other and it is healthy to be able to do things on your own.

I often wonder what many of these people did before marriage or their relationship!

But there is compromise as well. If you hobby takes up all of you’re off time and leaves you with no time at all for your family then it’s time to adjust.

I hear about many husbands who play X-box for hours and their wives complain that they don’t get any attention. In a cop’s schedule you should easily be able to find time when your wife is out shopping, working, busy with something else, her own hobby or sleeping if you work nights and stick with your schedule on off days.

Like I said, we work around each others work and sleep schedules and it works out great, leaving hours to do things on our own and the other person does not miss out on our company and time.
What are some of your and you spouses hobbies?

Then comes the baby carriage...not yet!

New marriage and half way into our new year now.

One thing that we luckily don’t get much of from our family is “ when are you going to give us grandbabies”. His parents just haven’t brought it up or are the kind to push us into it as well as are very understanding of our decisions and timeframe to wait and the reasons for it. My mom doesn’t want to be called Grandma yet.

My many sisters on the other hand are already asking when they will get some nieces or nephews and then when we gather with friends, some of who are still in their first early years of marriage and some of who are pregnant, it is often a question or topic of conversation that comes up.

We are first off, in no rush.

During our engagement we sat down and talked about our “plans” and our future. This of course can change as is human nature but we at least could see what page each of us was on.

Our decision was that at the age of twenty three (only 2 days before the wedding actually) and his young age on the shady side of his mid twenties, where we where with our careers and our lives, living situation and what we wanted to accomplish before children, we decided to wait about 5-8 years before we had children, basically between the time I’m twenty eight and thirty three we will have our two kids.

Also, we decided on two…then he gets gelded…um, I mean fixed, I mean….whatever!

We both seem to be completely on the same page and though we also both have a strong parental urge and when we see a cute kid we gush about having one but then joke about it being in five years or so.

We our happy that we are waiting. For one, we are in our newlywed time of not wanting to share our each other too much. Even at parties and dinners out we can’t wait to get back home, just the two of us. Even if all we do is read and hold hands, be close to each other.

He also joked that he was happy our first year of marriage wasn’t hormonal (well, more than the usual) such as if we got pregnant on our honeymoon and then all he would think his wife was forever on was a hormonal B&^%.

We are also spending our first years settling into living together, and this, let me tell you, takes some getting used to. I was joking at a party the other night about getting my own Tazer at home and when asked why I said “ PICK UP THOSE SOCKS” and that was enough for everyone to know why I wanted one and what I would use it for!

We are learning to adjust to having to share every space in our home and many accepts of our life, be responsible for someone else and in a way answer to someone, I mean not answer but yes, we tell each other what we are up to in life here or there. I don’t exactly go hiking around in the hills for hours without telling someone where I’m going.

We are also adjusting to not always getting our way at times and having to care about someone else on a regular daily basis.

Now add that by a million and we would have a kid. We figure baby steps are the way to go, first each other, and then get used to a wiggly little critter….a dog, then we’ll get a baby, I mean, HAVE a baby!

Besides that, the new career as an LAPD Officer (2 years now) and my own career building climb up the ladder doesn’t call for a child, as well as we have school and horse training, etc.
We can’t afford a house or even a larger apartment unless we live in a worse area and we enjoy the place we are at now. We are also still spending our extra money on comic books and X-box games (him, not me) and books and horses, etc.

Hell, I’m even into still buying sexy lingerie for my new hubby! Speaking of which, by the way, what is up with places lie Victoria Secrets barely selling anything sexy or nice? It’s all single girl cutesy pajama’s and FLANNEL stuff!!! Ok, give me longer than six month before I’m wearing flannel!

So I am glad that we took the step to talk about this before marriage because waiting until after your married, thinking you are on the same page and the wait would be five years but then right after the marriage one of us decides it has to be NOW would be a marriage breaker in my book, not to mention career’s and bank account breakers in some cases and to a point.

My husband and I are on the same page…I like that.

Dear Readers.

Dear Readers,

Often when some of my new posts come up that mention Law Enforcement or the LAPD or when I had a post in the LA Times in March I often get feed back.

Some of that feedback is very good, intelligent and encouraging and even thanks.

But I also get bad feedback. And if you don’t agree with my opinion you have every right to say so, as this is my blog I can say what I choose and post my own opinions and if you comment or email you are free to do the same.

But I must ask you to at least send an intelligent and non-belligerent email or comment and not one such as I have gotten like “ LAPD sucks!” and that’s it.

If you have an opinion, state it and then back it up with facts, reason and explanation.

When you send something as boring as “ Cop’s suck” or “ your opinion is stupid” and nothing else then there really wasn’t a point to your email or comment. This makes you sound belligerent and un-intelligent and well, like the pot-smoking imbecile that you likely are.

I am happy to post guests posts to debate with or hear your comments but I would like to at least not feel as if the world is falling completely apart and that those of you who would like to send a comment that is controversial to my own opinion are not truly just plain stupid.

Please sound like you know what you are talking about, have a reason and back up your opinion with facts and examples.

Thank you,
I Have His Back

Woman women at risk fact sheet.

Young women at risk -- Fact sheet

· 92% of girls in the juvenile justice system are victims of abuse.
· 62 % of incarcerated girls reported suffering physical abuse, most before the age of 15.
· Incarcerated women and girls do not routinely pursue healthcare prior to their arrest and are frequently involved in high risk from IV drug use, prostitution, and/or relationships which include violence.
· Over 50% of teenage girls are sexually active, resulting in more than a million pregnancies each year.
· Nationally, about 678,500 girls were arrested in 1994, about 25% of all juvenile arrests, and 87% are charged with status offenses, including running away, truancy, drinking while underage, and violating curfews. Just three years later, 1997, the numbers increased to 723,000 arrests for girls.
· Girls are more than twice as likely to be detained before a Hearing and are detained on average three-to-five times longer than boys.
· A study of incarcerated women in three states indicated that 26% of them had been placed in a special education class, 46% had been expelled, 28% had repeated a class, and 27% dropped out of school due to pregnancy.
· A recent National Center for Juvenile Justice statistic showed a 23% increase in the number of females arrested as contrasted to an 11% increase for the boys.
· According to the 1996 At-Risk Female Student Profile survey, girls at-risk quit school by the 9th grade, most girls live with a single parent who is generally working full-time. Parent(s) convicted of crimes influence their daughters committing crimes, fathers are most often in gangs, and 70% of girls have used alcohol, drugs and cigarettes.
Sources: Office of Criminal Justice Planning National Center for Juvenile Justice National Juvenile Justice Delinquency Prevention The Juvenile Violent Crime Index

from:
http://www.lacity.org/csw/html/cswpg2c.htm