Questions about Marriage.

POLL:

1.Is it ever ok to lie in a marriage or “hide” things?
2. What are certain boundaries that you just should never cross in a marriage?
3. What is an appropriate opposite sex friendship when you are married?
4. What made you fall in love with your spouse?
5. Why do you love them now?
6. Why did you marry that person?
7. What would be a reason for divorce in your marriage?
8. What are a few unforgivable things that would end your marriage?
9. What keeps your marriage strong?
10. How do you handle fights in your marriage?
11. What do you know now that you wish you had known before you married your spouse?
12. What do you wish where different about your spouse?
13. What where some lessons learned in past relationships that helped you in your marriage now?
14. Where you and your spouse on the same page before marriage?
15. Are you on the same page now after marriage?
16. What have been some of your biggest disagreements in your marriage?
17. What where some of your biggest disagreements before your marriage with the person who became your spouse?
18.What are some of the things you and your spouse fight about?
19.How did you handle those fights?
20.What do you consider “cheating” and “ crossing boundaries of a marriage” ?

Thanks for answering!

You SAY the words But do you SHOW them?

Different ways of showing love.


Here’s something for those marriage minded folks out there, even those who are parents or friends can relate to the different ways you show your love, show that you care. Etc.

Now, I have learned that some people think that the words “ I love you” are enough….but that actions can make you miserable and so on and they don’t see that as an issue.

But when the words say one thing and the actions say another….it’s time to speak up.

There are even books on ways to show love, there is many books out there along the lines of this one Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Gary Chapman, Gary D. Chapman.

So obviously some people have issues with showing their love…though they might say the words plenty.

Is saying “ I love you” enough ? Does hearing it all the time make you FEEL it…when everything else speaks differently?

What are some of the ways that you could be saying I love you but your actions could be saying the opposite? Remember that though this can be for all or any relationship where “ I love you” may be involved which can be children and siblings and so on, I am writing more geared to marriage.

1. Not appreciating the person whom you say the words to.
2. Not helping around the house.
3. Ignoring them. Neglecting.
4. Telling them they aren’t important enough.
5. Not making them a priority in life ( anyone you say I love you to should be a priority).
6. Not taking them seriously
7. Not taking their feelings seriously.
8. Talking bad about them behind their back
9. Telling friends and family the bad stuff about your relationship but never the good.
10. Crossing boundaries in a relationship.
11. Breaking trust.
12. Betraying, lying and cheating as well.
13. Taking them for granted.
14. Not listening when they tell you how they feel about something…but evne worse…not caring.
15. Doing things that are just not right, make the person you “love” feel uncomfortable or broken down.
16. Calling names
17. Degrading them.
18. Not respecting or disrespecting them
19. Not giving them things they need ( more of your time, a date once in awhile, a card on their birthday, etc).
20. Not doing the “ little things that count” like if you are married…make them some soup when they are sick!

Here’s just twenty and there are many more.

This is actually where your ACTIONS are the opposite of your words.

Then there happens to be when you say the words and your actions are not the opposite…just that there are no actions at all.

1. You say that you love them but every birthday or anniversary or special occasion you “forget”.
2. When a family member is sick of theirs but you don’t call or visit to show your support, send flowers or a card or even give your spouse a hug and say that you are there for them no matter what.
3. I love that old Barbra Streisand song “ You don’t bring me flowers”. Yes it is material and that doesn’t have to happen allot but…it’s nice sometimes.
4. You don’t attend their family or job functions.
5. You don’t involve yourself with their friends/family or in their life and hobbies and show no interest OR support.


There are many more things.

Then there are many ways to SHOW that you love someone to put the ACTION behind the words “ I love you”.

1. Making breakfast in bed on their birthday.
2. Taking them to a restaurant that you aren’t fond of but they love.
3. Spending time doing something you will both enjoy, a picnic in the park, that YOU do all the planning and preparing for.
4. Don’t’ just always say “ lets go grab a bite to eat” Say “ I want to take my special person out on a date”.
5. WRAP presents, don’t just hand them to your spouse in the UPS package. Wrap it up, make it nice. Put some effort into it. Spend time looking for a card that says the RIGHT thing…believe me, you can find it, and if you can’t, make your own.
6. Put effort into what you do for them sometimes. Clean the house for them, make them dinner. Make them comfortable after a long hard day at work.
7. Listen to what they have to say. Sit down and talk to them and take their feelings into account. If they tell you that they are feeling uncomfortable with a friendship of yours then sit down and talc to them and ask them how you can or what you can do to make them feel more comfortable with it because YOU are their top priority and what you feel counts above all else.
8. Make them a top priority in your life, even after you retire, get fired or injured and put out of work your spouse will be there…not your co-workers.
9. Involve them in your life and hobbies and friends and family and even your job a little bit, just don’t shut them out of any part of your life.
10. Write notes, letters, cards and once in a while say you appreciate them….then if maybe what you appreciate about them is something like making dinner or cleaning…do that for them to SHOW your appreciation.
11. Once in awhile speak your vows again. And again….this will refresh the feelings that you both had on that day.
12. Find a picture of the two of you that you love, have it enlarged and framed in a beautiful frame ( try to match the décor of the house please) and give that as a gift with a cute note that says “ I was just thinking about “US”). For no reason.
13. Do things for the other person WITHOUT expecting or wanting something back.
14. Do things for the other person that are really for them and that you don’t’ gain anything in doing.
15. Say “ Hey, isn’t it your sisters/brothers/mothers/fathers/cousins/friends birthday? Aren’t they into hiking ? Let’s go to the sports store and put together a gift bag for them of hiking stuff they can use and maybe a subscription to a hiking magazine if they don’t already have one”. Showing that you pay attention to your spouses life, friends and family shows that you pay attention to them and what they say ( these events will be posted on a calendar in your home somewhere….read the calendar! If there isn’t one, buy one and sit down and say “ ok, lets fill out birthdays and events of ours and people who our special to us”).
16. When their birthday comes around, don’t’ get something totally useless that you know they will hate…at a bargain price….whatever you do get material wise…make it something that shows you put love and thought and effort into it and REALLY thought about that person when you got it. ( like the hiking gift bag thing). Like, don’t get your wife, who doesn’t play x-box, an x-box game.
17. Know what that persons favorite type of food is, and what their favorite restaurant is and take them once in awhile without them having to ask to go.
18. Example: I am really into horses, so something’s that would be nice for someone like me are “ look up local horses shows, get tickets and take me, a gift bag of horsy stuff, horse related books and magazines…hey I have an Amazon wish list! Go riding with me, buy yourself some boots and old jeans to “spend time with your wife”. Bring a camera when I’m riding and take some pictures ( as much as I have ever ridden I barely have any of me on a horse, one of my fav’s is at 12 years old standing with my first horse). A gift bag of every horse related movie you can find ( that I don’t already have…and you know where the DVD’s are kept…look!). And being there for horse shows and such, just support and appreciation for something I love.
19. On occasion, write a love note. Tell them what you love about them, why you fell in love with them, etc. And yes, tell them more than once in over 60 years please).
20. NOTICE the new dress!!!! Notice them, notice a new hobby or project they are interested in ( I love scrap booking…and it can get expensive….join me, take more pictures for me to ad, get me some things from a craft store and make a cute basket for a birthday of materials….buy a book on scrap booking to see how you could encourage and help fulfill their hobby.) When people come to visit SHOW them the scrapbook and say “ look what so and so made, isn’t it really neat? It’s sooo much better than throwing pictures into a box or just having them on the computer”.

Well, there are just twenty examples but I could go on forever on all of these lists.

What are some of the ways you where SHOWN the love someone had for you?

And please, Do Not take a loved on for granted. Do Not tale your time together for granted and Always respect that person and make them a priority.