tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post112170801332549383..comments2007-04-17T04:49:36.947-07:00IHHBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744635258285480469noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1139273274650779702006-02-06T16:47:00.000-08:002006-02-06T16:47:00.000-08:00Incredible blog. I admired your site and I will be<BR/>back once again to view it! I use much of my spare<BR/>time searching for blogs like yours.<BR/>I want you to stop and compare with my <A HREF="http://ct-connecticut-house-cleaning.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">tx texas house cleaning</A> blog.Wy Wyoming House Cleaninghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115886232818827685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1135426338572740562005-12-24T04:12:00.000-08:002005-12-24T04:12:00.000-08:00A real enlightening blog. Don't stop now. You may be interested in living better without<A HREF="http://www.thehomemortgageguide.com" REL="nofollow"> home loan rate</A> How to buy home loan rateestimate home valuehttp://thehomemortgageguide.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1135062237719382692005-12-19T23:03:00.000-08:002005-12-19T23:03:00.000-08:00Hey IHHB GREAT title this post. Thats what actually caught my eye. I was surfing blogs to try and help my customers and visitors with information on my website about ##Keyword## and paused to read but ran out of time. I will book mark it and come back to read later. This isn't really what I was looking for what I really need is information about http://www.horse-lover-gift-ideas-central.com related subjects but thank you and I shall return. I wish you well.horse charmshttp://www.horse-lover-gift-ideas-central.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1134962516738588562005-12-18T19:21:00.000-08:002005-12-18T19:21:00.000-08:00Hey IHHB GREAT title this post. Thats what actually caught my eye. I was surfing blogs to try and help my customers and visitors with information on my website about ##Keyword## and paused to read but ran out of time. I will book mark it and come back to read later. This isn't really what I was looking for what I really need is information about http://www.horse-lover-gift-ideas-central.com related subjects but thank you and I shall return. I wish you well.horse braceletshttp://www.horse-lover-gift-ideas-central.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1134910599237360812005-12-18T04:56:00.000-08:002005-12-18T04:56:00.000-08:00IHHB GREAT title this post. I am actually looking for horse charms related information to give my customers on my website. I paused at the title and ran out of time to read, but will book mark you and come back latter to check you out some more. I am off to find some other <A HREF="http://www.horse-lover-gift-ideas-central.com" REL="nofollow">horse charms</A> related blogs. Thank you.horse home decorhttp://www.horse-lover-gift-ideas-central.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1133548742079869282005-12-02T10:39:00.000-08:002005-12-02T10:39:00.000-08:00Striking blog. I liked the site I will be back<BR/>again! Websurfing is a good way to find blogs like<BR/>yours.<BR/>Please go over my <A HREF="http://surgery-breast-enlargement.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">bad plastic surgery</A> blog.job opportunityahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07628979481764845008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121833506295115752005-07-19T21:25:00.000-07:002005-07-19T21:25:00.000-07:00Gary isn't really a drinker either, but he'll open up a tab for me. <BR/><BR/>I am as supportive as I can be, I've learned through trial and error what to and what not to talk about and what not to accuse, etc. <BR/><BR/>I think life with a cop is a huge trial and error experience. At least until you get into the swing of things.Miss Tinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11304948021381166912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121787993067651292005-07-19T08:46:00.000-07:002005-07-19T08:46:00.000-07:00Thanks M. No, I know all cops don't have all the regular issues. My husband thankfully doesn't and never did drink ( maybe one a year is all like me=).<BR/><BR/>The power and control things have been an issue, which also can but heads with me on that because I am not one to be bossed and I have a bossy personality myself so....<BR/><BR/>I do enjoy hearing about his day and love to hear about it, even gory details...but I don't press and he tells me what he feels like and all...which is usually everything. that I don't mind but then it's like "ok, that conversation is over....lets move on" I guess it's like parents and other people who don't have anythign else but tehri job and kids to talk about but I am encouraging him towards hobbies because he really needs that, I have them and it helps keep me sane!IHHBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744635258285480469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121751256993048282005-07-18T22:34:00.000-07:002005-07-18T22:34:00.000-07:00guess I'm not married to the *regular* cop,lol.Hubby doesn't drink,he let's me do it ;-) .<BR/>He likes to tell me about his day at work,and sometimes show it.We are open and honest about everything.I know when to shut up and when to give him a pat on the back.Michaelanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121731647709545612005-07-18T17:07:00.000-07:002005-07-18T17:07:00.000-07:00Well, not completely yet, we are on a seperation but trying to make it all work out, it's our first year ( 9 months now) and hard hard hard, not just ebcause he's a cop and because we are both stubborn as hell but many reasons.<BR/><BR/>But when I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said no ( he was the one serving me) and then I asked if he thought our issues where fixable and he said yes well....how could we not at least give it a betetr chance and try?<BR/><BR/>So, marriage therapy stuff and lots of reading ( hey, after all the reading he does for his job he can throw a little into the marriage rigth?=)<BR/><BR/>and basically starting all over, it real tough but we will see what happens....it's very soon to tell....<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the support.<BR/><BR/>IHHBIHHBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744635258285480469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121728218400549872005-07-18T16:10:00.000-07:002005-07-18T16:10:00.000-07:00I read more of your blog... I'm glad you two were able to work it out! <BR/><BR/>Good luck and I'll keep reading!Warrenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13625651146756540460noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121727956364100852005-07-18T16:05:00.000-07:002005-07-18T16:05:00.000-07:00Yes, Alcohol I’ve seen can be a BIG problem, thankfully that hasn’t been ours nor do I think it ever would be.<BR/><BR/>I can see how your “change of roles “ in your home and marriage could be an issue. I think that’s one struggle between my husband and I actually…the power struggle. I am so independent I think I might go over board sometimes.<BR/>I grew up the oldest of 8 kids and the “boss” and he’s the sheltered baby boy.<BR/><BR/>He now has the power issue of being a cop as you explained and there’s to a point that’s normal and to a point I think it hits control and needs to be stopped as it’s gone overboard. <BR/>But with the normal part I think it’s hard that he and I butt heads with “who wears the pants” sometimes. It’s a lesson we are both learning on that one.<BR/><BR/>So it must be hard for him to one, go from having g/f’s who where the more submissive kinds I think to me…a hard headed Texan! And then to go from having a job with NO power to having one with allot….responsibility has allot to do with that change too.<BR/><BR/>He does carry off duty but that doesn’t bother either of us, not having it would I think and I prefer him to for many reasons. But he doesn’t do that “call things in” stuff. Having to rough up the hoodlums and all is just not worth it and thankfully our time together isn’t interrupted by any of that.<BR/><BR/>I don’t think any marriage would be over just because of the profession such as being a cop, it does take work and effort and personalities being able to blend or learn to work together and many things go into it…there’s never just one reason for a marriage to fail, it’s many things tied in I think.<BR/><BR/>He is learning and making the effort to be less of a cop off-duty and more of my husband and the great guy he is underneath the badge.IHHBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744635258285480469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121725193045437362005-07-18T15:19:00.000-07:002005-07-18T15:19:00.000-07:00My marriage would have fallen apart if I was a cop or not. She was the type A and I was subordinate. Until I got hired in '95, she was the GM of a large recycling company and I worked in a grocery store. She had a college degree and I didn't. She earned 3X more than I did. Then I get a badge and the dynamic we had for 4 years was out of whack. <BR/><BR/>How could I be in control and hold a powerful position at work and go back to #2 position at home? Well, I couldn't! Even if I would have not chosen law enforcement, I would have naturally matured and progressed and realized that my situation was out of balance. <BR/><BR/>Law enforcement wasn't the cause of my failed marriage, but it contributed to the confidence I needed to make a change. Which, it turns out, was the best thing that could of happened to me. <BR/><BR/>And I'm not some power hungry "have to be in charge" kinda guy. I just didn't appreciate my ex's condescending attitude towards me. I can't blame her though, I allowed that to happen...<BR/><BR/>My advice? In the beginning, it's tough. It's all about being a cop. But hopefully they mature and realize that there's more to life. Personally, I did not hang out with cops OD. Frankly, I had enough of the business at work and wanted to get away from it off duty. <BR/><BR/>I think you are so right though. If the person changes too much, they might not know how to cope if they lose the badge like I did. I got hurt and retired but was ready to move on. I appreciate challenges and looked towards starting a new chapter. But what if I would have been married to the job? It may not have turned out so well as it often does. <BR/><BR/>Keep your spouse centered; He will ultimately thank you for it. Having kids changed everything for me as well. Suddenly, my 11550 arrest wasn't such a big deal when I was there to see my daughter take her first steps. <BR/><BR/>It looks like you are on the right path IMO. When they start to drift away, a little nudge back to reality always helps! <BR/><BR/>I still get that even today. I'm a mortgage broker and the more I work, the more I make. My wife gives me little reminders though that life is not all about work. <BR/><BR/>I look forward to reading the rest of your blog!<BR/><BR/>Warren<BR/><BR/>PS, alcohol has been many a cops downfall. I know MANY alcoholic cops. Drinking with the boys after work is great, until it takes up half the day and they are drunk while driving home!Warrenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13625651146756540460noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121717274145297072005-07-18T13:07:00.000-07:002005-07-18T13:07:00.000-07:00Great advice and thanks, I like to hear some good advice coming from the Officer themselves and not the " just stay out of his business" I often get from other Officers.<BR/><BR/>( wow, If I told my husband to mind his own biz when he asked me about my day I'd be packed up and out the door=)<BR/><BR/>I have had my husband come home in blood from a junkie with God knows what else running through his blood ( that’s something that I worry about, thankfully he’s really conscious and safe and uses the best gloves and stuff too).<BR/><BR/>I agree with the OD stuff as my husband is basically experiencing it now, and cop talk to non-cops is cool but to other cops is boring after awhile.<BR/><BR/>One of the biggest things we have been going through right now has been OD, when my husband is a cop at home….and he says “ But I’m a cop” then I had to stand there and tell him that he was him before, and will be himself after and not always carry that badge so he had to hold onto his original identity a little and not give it all up into “cop”.<BR/><BR/>Our walls where lined with nothing but cop books ( his own extra studying too) and mine where always having to be put in some dark corner it seemed. Other shelves ended up filling with tactical VHS tapes and stuff too….<BR/><BR/>Well….then we hit some bumps that you’ll see if you read a little ( but are working them out now) and much of it was due to anti-social, all about being a cop and forgetting that he’s a man underneath it all.<BR/><BR/>He’s working towards, with my help, getting back on track to living life and relaxing and leaving work at work a little more. He still wants to study and read and stuff and that’s fine but I suggested that for every 3 work books he read he read his comic books or something that he liked and enjoyed as a break.( I do that myself).<BR/>We also stuck a ton of stuff in storage, anything that was in his face at home screaming “ you’re a cop, don’t relax” got put in storage ( or in closets for as much as we could at least).<BR/><BR/>A little time on the X-box was actually encouraged by me as well ( ok, as a wife I totally give myself a pat on the back for that=) and getting back into non-cop related hobbies as well.<BR/><BR/><BR/>As an Officer who has been divorced what’s your advice for the cop in a marriage? And what can a wife do on her part?IHHBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744635258285480469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10973959.post-1121713625321598332005-07-18T12:07:00.000-07:002005-07-18T12:07:00.000-07:00Wow! it's great to see all of these blogs coming from the spouses of law enforcement officers!<BR/><BR/>I think that spouses definitely need a network of those that can relate. Sometimes having friends with husbands/wives working "9 to 5's" may not necessarily relate to what you guys go through. How many of you have had vacations cancelled last minute or plans altered due to court, overtime training etc? It's tough! Not just for the cop, but his / her better half and family as well. <BR/><BR/>I came home from work once and I literally had brain matter on my pants. My wife didn’t freak out (fortunately) but how many of your friends can relate to that? <BR/><BR/>Planning dinner? If I got home at the same time two days in a row, it was a miracle! I ate dinner alone in front of the TV on MANY occasions. I worked 3-12's one week and 4-12's the following week. That worked, IN THEORY only. Court, training, and of course, OVERTIME, often times mandatory OT frequently cut into my off days. <BR/><BR/>They told me in the academy that statistically, my marriage will fail (many in L/E do). In my case, they were right. I got divorced 3 years after I started. <BR/><BR/>Probably not as a result of "the job" though. <BR/><BR/>If I can pass along a little advice to all of you; When I worked my 12, I turned it off when I took off the belt. I was a cop for 12 and a regular guy until my next shirt. Cops tend to hang out in packs; They tend to be a cop 24/7. I found that when I was OD, I wanted a break from “the lifestyle". I didn't necessarily want to talk in code or reenact the days events after my shift concluded. <BR/><BR/>I honestly believe that cops NEED a break from being a cop! I never carried off duty and seldom had occasion to "call something in" that I thought was suspicious. <BR/><BR/>In many cases, young cops tend to immerse themselves in being a cop and then burn out quickly; especially in LA where you are under a microscope! <BR/><BR/>I met my current wife (at work of course) and she ended up as a Jail Service Officer in another city. Her best friend at work was married to a Corrections officer. We frequently went to kids BD parties as each others homes. I observed that her husband NEVER broke rank with his coworkers at his parties. He talked shop with his buddies the entire time recounted how he had to "get rough" with some prisoner who "pissed him off". It was like a broken record! I guess since I am retired (medical disability)I didn't qualify to be part of his conversations (not that I'd even want to). <BR/><BR/>My advice? Be thrilled that your spouse is involved in law enforcement. Especially now, it's a tough field to be in. However, encourage him / her to be themselves while OD and not immersed in the lifestyle. Why do they need to pack a Glock when running to the local grocery on a Sunday afternoon? I never watched COPS on TV once in my entire career and probably haven't seen an episode since 1994. You live it at work, why subject yourself (and family) to it while off of work? <BR/><BR/>Good luck and I'm happy to be a resource to whomever may need it! <BR/><BR/>Thanks!<BR/><BR/>WarrenWarrenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13625651146756540460noreply@blogger.com