Behind the Badge and surviving Los Angeles

Questions about Marriage.

2005-10-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

POLL:

1.Is it ever ok to lie in a marriage or “hide” things?
2. What are certain boundaries that you just should never cross in a marriage?
3. What is an appropriate opposite sex friendship when you are married?
4. What made you fall in love with your spouse?
5. Why do you love them now?
6. Why did you marry that person?
7. What would be a reason for divorce in your marriage?
8. What are a few unforgivable things that would end your marriage?
9. What keeps your marriage strong?
10. How do you handle fights in your marriage?
11. What do you know now that you wish you had known before you married your spouse?
12. What do you wish where different about your spouse?
13. What where some lessons learned in past relationships that helped you in your marriage now?
14. Where you and your spouse on the same page before marriage?
15. Are you on the same page now after marriage?
16. What have been some of your biggest disagreements in your marriage?
17. What where some of your biggest disagreements before your marriage with the person who became your spouse?
18.What are some of the things you and your spouse fight about?
19.How did you handle those fights?
20.What do you consider “cheating” and “ crossing boundaries of a marriage” ?

Thanks for answering!

You SAY the words But do you SHOW them?

2005-10-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

Different ways of showing love.

Here’s something for those marriage minded folks out there, even those who are parents or friends can relate to the different ways you show your love, show that you care. Etc.

Now, I have learned that some people think that the words “ I love you” are enough….but that actions can make you miserable and so on and they don’t see that as an issue.

But when the words say one thing and the actions say another….it’s time to speak up.

There are even books on ways to show love, there is many books out there along the lines of this one Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Gary Chapman, Gary D. Chapman.

So obviously some people have issues with showing their love…though they might say the words plenty.

Is saying “ I love you” enough ? Does hearing it all the time make you FEEL it…when everything else speaks differently?

What are some of the ways that you could be saying I love you but your actions could be saying the opposite? Remember that though this can be for all or any relationship where “ I love you” may be involved which can be children and siblings and so on, I am writing more geared to marriage.

1. Not appreciating the person whom you say the words to.
2. Not helping around the house.
3. Ignoring them. Neglecting.
4. Telling them they aren’t important enough.
5. Not making them a priority in life ( anyone you say I love you to should be a priority).
6. Not taking them seriously
7. Not taking their feelings seriously.
8. Talking bad about them behind their back
9. Telling friends and family the bad stuff about your relationship but never the good.
10. Crossing boundaries in a relationship.
11. Breaking trust.
12. Betraying, lying and cheating as well.
13. Taking them for granted.
14. Not listening when they tell you how they feel about something…but evne worse…not caring.
15. Doing things that are just not right, make the person you “love” feel uncomfortable or broken down.
16. Calling names
17. Degrading them.
18. Not respecting or disrespecting them
19. Not giving them things they need ( more of your time, a date once in awhile, a card on their birthday, etc).
20. Not doing the “ little things that count” like if you are married…make them some soup when they are sick!

Here’s just twenty and there are many more.

This is actually where your ACTIONS are the opposite of your words.

Then there happens to be when you say the words and your actions are not the opposite…just that there are no actions at all.

1. You say that you love them but every birthday or anniversary or special occasion you “forget”.
2. When a family member is sick of theirs but you don’t call or visit to show your support, send flowers or a card or even give your spouse a hug and say that you are there for them no matter what.
3. I love that old Barbra Streisand song “ You don’t bring me flowers”. Yes it is material and that doesn’t have to happen allot but…it’s nice sometimes.
4. You don’t attend their family or job functions.
5. You don’t involve yourself with their friends/family or in their life and hobbies and show no interest OR support.

There are many more things.

Then there are many ways to SHOW that you love someone to put the ACTION behind the words “ I love you”.

1. Making breakfast in bed on their birthday.
2. Taking them to a restaurant that you aren’t fond of but they love.
3. Spending time doing something you will both enjoy, a picnic in the park, that YOU do all the planning and preparing for.
4. Don’t’ just always say “ lets go grab a bite to eat” Say “ I want to take my special person out on a date”.
5. WRAP presents, don’t just hand them to your spouse in the UPS package. Wrap it up, make it nice. Put some effort into it. Spend time looking for a card that says the RIGHT thing…believe me, you can find it, and if you can’t, make your own.
6. Put effort into what you do for them sometimes. Clean the house for them, make them dinner. Make them comfortable after a long hard day at work.
7. Listen to what they have to say. Sit down and talk to them and take their feelings into account. If they tell you that they are feeling uncomfortable with a friendship of yours then sit down and talc to them and ask them how you can or what you can do to make them feel more comfortable with it because YOU are their top priority and what you feel counts above all else.
8. Make them a top priority in your life, even after you retire, get fired or injured and put out of work your spouse will be there…not your co-workers.
9. Involve them in your life and hobbies and friends and family and even your job a little bit, just don’t shut them out of any part of your life.
10. Write notes, letters, cards and once in a while say you appreciate them….then if maybe what you appreciate about them is something like making dinner or cleaning…do that for them to SHOW your appreciation.
11. Once in awhile speak your vows again. And again….this will refresh the feelings that you both had on that day.
12. Find a picture of the two of you that you love, have it enlarged and framed in a beautiful frame ( try to match the décor of the house please) and give that as a gift with a cute note that says “ I was just thinking about “US”). For no reason.
13. Do things for the other person WITHOUT expecting or wanting something back.
14. Do things for the other person that are really for them and that you don’t’ gain anything in doing.
15. Say “ Hey, isn’t it your sisters/brothers/mothers/fathers/cousins/friends birthday? Aren’t they into hiking ? Let’s go to the sports store and put together a gift bag for them of hiking stuff they can use and maybe a subscription to a hiking magazine if they don’t already have one”. Showing that you pay attention to your spouses life, friends and family shows that you pay attention to them and what they say ( these events will be posted on a calendar in your home somewhere….read the calendar! If there isn’t one, buy one and sit down and say “ ok, lets fill out birthdays and events of ours and people who our special to us”).
16. When their birthday comes around, don’t’ get something totally useless that you know they will hate…at a bargain price….whatever you do get material wise…make it something that shows you put love and thought and effort into it and REALLY thought about that person when you got it. ( like the hiking gift bag thing). Like, don’t get your wife, who doesn’t play x-box, an x-box game.
17. Know what that persons favorite type of food is, and what their favorite restaurant is and take them once in awhile without them having to ask to go.
18. Example: I am really into horses, so something’s that would be nice for someone like me are “ look up local horses shows, get tickets and take me, a gift bag of horsy stuff, horse related books and magazines…hey I have an Amazon wish list! Go riding with me, buy yourself some boots and old jeans to “spend time with your wife”. Bring a camera when I’m riding and take some pictures ( as much as I have ever ridden I barely have any of me on a horse, one of my fav’s is at 12 years old standing with my first horse). A gift bag of every horse related movie you can find ( that I don’t already have…and you know where the DVD’s are kept…look!). And being there for horse shows and such, just support and appreciation for something I love.
19. On occasion, write a love note. Tell them what you love about them, why you fell in love with them, etc. And yes, tell them more than once in over 60 years please).
20. NOTICE the new dress!!!! Notice them, notice a new hobby or project they are interested in ( I love scrap booking…and it can get expensive….join me, take more pictures for me to ad, get me some things from a craft store and make a cute basket for a birthday of materials….buy a book on scrap booking to see how you could encourage and help fulfill their hobby.) When people come to visit SHOW them the scrapbook and say “ look what so and so made, isn’t it really neat? It’s sooo much better than throwing pictures into a box or just having them on the computer”.

Well, there are just twenty examples but I could go on forever on all of these lists.

What are some of the ways you where SHOWN the love someone had for you?

And please, Do Not take a loved on for granted. Do Not tale your time together for granted and Always respect that person and make them a priority.

Some Questions on Marriage.

2005-09-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

I was recently contacted by some women who are researching for a book one womens views of the first year of marriage, to write in, answering some questions to be a part of the book and was also allowed to post them here.

So here they are and if you'd like to answer them please feel free! Below you'll see the questions as well as my own answers.

I'd like to hear from both men and women , so post your answers here!

What are your thoughts about your parents marriage..

My parents marriage was horrible. My birth father and my mother’s divorce was finalized a few days after I was born.
My mom met my step dad when I was two months old and soon remarried.
That marriage was highly abusive and involved drugs, alcohol , abuse verbally , emotionally and physically and infidelity. They divorced when I was 15, got back together and separated for good when I was 18.

My example isn’t the greatest, far from it though I took what I was raised in and made a lesson out of it instead of a down fall and I hope to not make any of those same mistakes, as we all do when we recognize them. I did however learn that fighting to a point is going to happen and is healthy even, though my family over did it I hope to find that middle ground. I also did see allot of love and passion at times through all the chaos and saying “ I love you” was always a must. In most ways I figure if I do the exact opposite of my parents then I’ll be ok.

Who has an ideal marriage in your opinion .

I have never found an Ideal marriage as an example. I have however found many marriages that I can learn from and get a lesson out of and have bits and pieces that contribute to my example and life.

My best friend and her husband where neither raised to really know how to cook, they took cooking lessons together and take turns making meals for each other. When one cooks the other cleans but they also often cook and clean together, spending quality time together and having great conversation in the meantime. Acting as a team.

When my aunt was preparing all the flower arrangements and decoration for my best friends wedding ( who’s also my cousin) we where last minute putting altogether the last flower arrangements and so my uncle , without a word, would make everyone things to eat, get them a drink, make sure my aunt ate and drank, asked what he could do when he wasn’t sure. Took care of house cleaning and the animals and guests. Prepared breakfast ahead of time as much as he could for the after wedding brunch, etc. They worked as a team and it was just obvious for him to pick up the house hold slack when it was needed as my aunt spent 48 hours straight with no sleep on flower arrangements and more.

I am myself, in a Law Enforcement marriage, married to an LAPD Officer and visit as well as write for, LAPDwife.com which is run by Renee, an wife to a 16 year veteran of the LAPD. There I am able to go for help and support as well as read her posts on marriage to an Officer and find guidance in many ways.

In my married co-workers I find teamwork as they take care of their brand new baby, diaper changing, etc. The father never hands the baby off to the mother for feeding or changing or when she is fussing, he handles it all himself if he’s already holding her or he offers to help his wife if she is or takes her out of the stroller without waiting for or expecting his wife to do it.

Even my parents I have learned some good from. Once a week my father made spaghetti for grilled something for dinner. He wasn’t a man who knew how to cook but to help and care for his family he learned a simple meal ( spaghetti) and used his grilling experience ( and once a week we got pizza, but no more than that). When he got home from work he would be sure the homework was done, be sure baths got taken and teeth got brushed even though he worked 60-80 hour work weeks he still pulled his weight around the home.

When our washer and dryer both, within days of each other, gave out, he would automatically pack up a few kids and the laundry and head to the laundry mat, no question about it that my mom didn’t do it . He even got the kids to do their chores on weekends and would do the grocery shopping if needed ( though not too often as he would be the usual husband/dad who got much more than what was on the list and we easily talked him into buying us candy).

My grandparents I learned that dating never should end and to always keep the marriage fresh. They would go ballroom dancing together.
None of these marriages, however, would I say where the ideal, some of it I would take and some of it I would leave.

When you were a child, what did you think about what being married was like.

I never thought about it too much I guess as many young girls do. I grew up in an abusive home and I basically always thought my marriage would be the opposite of my parents. I would have my career, my husband his, when our children where born I’d be running my own business so would have them with me and raise them. My husband and I would work as a team and travel and experience knew things together and be best friends.

What do you wish someone would have told you about getting married.

I wish they would have been able to tell me that right after the wedding many things DO change in a person, whether they mean to or not. That to remember that when we date, court each other , we impress and work hard at it. Women ALWAYS have smoothly shaved legs and homes are clean and men will even pick up after their room mates to impress. The man always tried to grab the check and so on…we impress, we both, men and women, do it, though not always realize that we do or how much of that might change after we are married and live together. It’s like the peacock’s showing off their tail feathers….in my opinion they don’t show them off so much after the marriage!
Patience is great advice and everyone gets and gives it as advice but when does ANYONE actually practice it in the heat of the moment? I want to know HOW to have patience not just hear that I need to“ have patience”.

What was the best advice someone gave you about being married.

I think from my mother “ try them before you buy them” this is crude but after being married I’ve learned it’s not exactly how it sounds or comes off sounding, it means to watch out for many things, like how a man shops, how they live, visit them by surprise at their home to see how messy it is when they are not expecting you. See if they know how to even turn an oven on ( something I learned wasn’t known by my husband). Take a trip, see how they are on a vacation or trip somewhere. See how they are in a bad situation , in a fight, how they handle things. Take a long car ride with them, plane trip, see how they are around kids, YOUR friends, THEIR friends and your family and THIER family.. You don’t have to live with them, I didn’t, though in that you’ll still have some un-discovered things later but not as much.

What was the worst advice.

I hate advice that comes without a lesson plan. Such as I said before, I hear all the time to “ have patience” but I want to learn HOW to do it…because no, we don’t all always know how, we don’t always realize we don’t have it when we thought we did. Some people needs more patience and are more sensitive than others and so on….so basically I need my husband to come with an instruction manual but since he doesn’t, please don’t give just a simple word of advice, give the whole lesson.

Do you remember the first time you learned something new about your husband after you got married? What was that moment like?

Yes, right after marriage and moving in together I learned that he WILL hear me fart, at least once…and that he will forever hold it against me and name me “Farty”. Hmmm. What was that moment like? Well, let’s say it was very humbling and the moment reality hit!

Here is my own added extra question : What do you look back and wish you had received or asked for as a wedding gift instead of what you got or did ask for?

A years worth of marriage counseling and many many many books to read about relationships and marriage…it would have saved us a bundle now!!!

Whats up in my world? Well, no time to talk now...

2005-09-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

Here we are entering the Autumn season …with a bang of lightening, thunder and rain!
As I was on my way to work this morning ( and without my umbrella due to not knowing where I pt that thing) I wondered if an early fall rain meant a repeat of last winter’s rain storms and mudslides. Lets hope we get what we need…and that’s all!

Then my mother called me from Houston to let me know the family is planning on heading to Austin for the weekend…due to hurricanes and not taking any chances.

And then my husband and I are going running this evening as soon as I get off work, rain or sun….snow or sleet…ok well, the chances of snow here in the LA area are slim but…

I’ve been busy and I know I’m slacking on the blog here but hope to get back to work regularly in the next week. Hope you’ll hang in there with me.

Soon I’ll have the latest on taking over…I mean saving the world…hehe. With some new stuff concerning organics, New Orleans and the southlands, California’s Governor. LA’s Mayor and married life and passing first anniversaries and more.

Keep your eye’s open!

It's Been Awhile...

2005-09-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, I've been so busy and more than a month has gone by with no new postings! Don't worry, I"m still here. Expect to see a new post soon!

IHHB

The Dangers Of This Job And Guns On The Streets.

2005-08-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

California Officer Fatally Shot While Responding to Noise Complaint
Officer.Com News

A manhunt is underway in California for the man who shot and killed a San Leandro police officer for no apparent reason Monday night.
Officer Nels "Dan" Niemi was shot and killed at 11 p.m. while investigating a loitering and loud noise complaint, according to a department press release.
The officer was the first to arrive on scene and was speaking with the group of three people when two more arrived in a white vehicle.
"The officer made contact with these two subjects and while talking to the subjects, one produced a handgun and shot the officer multiple times," according to the press release.
Several citizens contacted the police and Niemi was transported to Eden Medical Center, where he died from his wounds.
The department reported that Officer Niemi was 42 years old and had been on the force for about three years, after previously working in the computer industry. He is survived by his wife, a 13-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter.
The suspect has been identified as Irving Ramirez, a 23-year-old Hispanic male from Newark, California. He is 5 feet 7 inches, 180 pounds, with black hair and brown eyes, and should be considered armed and dangerous. The suspect vehicle is a white 1995 Ford Thunderbird with California license plate 3LAB994. Anyone with information about Ramirez's location should contact the San Leandro Police Department at 510-638-2123.
Funeral
Monday, August 1, 10amNeighborhood Church20600 John Drive, Castro ValleyContributionsContributions can be made to the Niemi Family Fund c/o San Leandro Police Officers Association901 East 14th Street, San Leandro, CA 94577

From Officer.com
This is a little late and I’m not sure if the shooter has been found or not yet but I’ll post it anyways as a remembrance as well as a reality check to those who think cops are nothing more than ticket writers and don’t risk their lives everyday and to note the violence they encounter each and every day.

On another note: the "bonnie and Clyde" pair of cop killers and escapee have been caught in Ohio.

What about the parents?

2005-08-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/fc/Entertainment/Michael_Jackson
Another Jackson Juror Expresses Doubt
AP - 2 hours, 47 minutes ago
LOS ANGELES - A third juror in the Michael Jackson case who initially favored a guilty verdict weighed in after two others expressed second thoughts, saying she believes the entertainer is a child molester but joined in the verdict exonerating him because of reasonable doubt."

Wow, the third juror now. This is so sick, first of all, I’m sorry, but a grown man who has “sleep overs” with TEENAGE boy’s has an issue and he should at the VERY LEAST have mandatory counseling and be sure that his own children are not at risk.

On the other hand, I must say that his first trial was about a boy who’s parents had Jackson sleeping over at their house, in their sons room and bed, not just was it always at Neverland. Now this mother was apparently at neverland living as well and she didn’t notice her kids getting drunk? Sleeping with a grown man? Hmmm. Where was she in all this?

Whether or not Jackson is guilty I wish that the parents would be held in an even higher account than Jackson.

If your single, grown male neighbor came and asked for your 13 year old son to have sleep overs RED FLAGS would be raised without a doubt. So why are parents not thinking twice because someone who is famous is having sleep overs with their young teen age sons? ESPECIALLY AFTER there have been numerous accusations and also a full blown trial?

Why are the parents not accountable for child endangerment? Wouldn’t you think it odd that your teenage son is sleeping with a man in their bed in their own home ( as the first child from the first trial) or that your son is sleeping in a mans bed at his home?

Even Martha Stewart has an ankle bracelet

Sorry, but I feel as if these parents have prostituted their sons, their children. Now they are suing for the pay.

Search for Cop Killers.

2005-08-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/08/09/courthouse.shooting.ap/index.html

Police: Inmate's wife shoots officer at courthouse

Search under way for couple

Tuesday, August 9, 2005; Posted: 1:07 p.m. EDT (17:07 GMT)
KINGSTON, Tennessee (AP) -- A state inmate escaped Tuesday after his wife opened fire and killed a correctional officer escorting him outside a county courthouse, authorities said.
An extensive search was under way for the pair, identified as George and Jennifer Hyatte, and authorities were trying to determine if a second man, who may be an accomplice, was with them, Sheriff David Haggard said.
The officer, Wayne Morgan, was airlifted to University of Tennessee Medical Center in Knoxville, but hospital spokeswoman Lisa McNeal said later that he had died.
The incident began Tuesday morning after the inmate was sent to the Roane County Courthouse from Brushy Mountain Correctional Complex, where he is serving 35 years for aggravated robbery and aggravated assault, Sluss said.
"His wife, Jennifer Hyatte, was at the Roane County Courthouse. She had a shotgun and pulled the shotgun on three transportation officers from the prison," Department of Correction spokeswoman Amanda Sluss said from her office in Nashville.
She did not know why George Hyatte, who was about two years into his prison term, had been brought to the courthouse.
The shooting happened about 10 a.m. as Hyatte, 34, and other prisoners were being loaded into a vehicle. Hyatte was handcuffed and shackled at the feet, authorities said.
Authorities were searching for a gold Chevrolet Venture van the two are believed to be using, Sluss said. The pair initially used a dark blue Ford Explorer to get away from the courthouse but it was found abandoned a short time later, she said.
Helicopters were circling over the town of about 6,000 people, which county Emergency Management Agency spokesman Scott Stout called "small town USA." Schools were locked down and roads around the courthouse were closed.
"It's a full-blown investigation and a full-blown search," Stout said.

Question of the Day...

2005-08-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

If you where California's Governor what would you do?
what are some changes you would like to make?

How to Deal with Your Spouse when Your the Rookie...Part 2.

2005-07-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

#1. During your probation year cell phone carrying isn’t exactly allowed so this time is to be expected of very few if any calls or text messages. If you live together and have opposite schedules ALWAYS leave a cute little note for your spouse to wake up to telling them “ Hi, how was your day? I love you.”
If you live apart ( perhaps not married and living together yet) this doesn’t mean we worry any less so send an email after your shift even if just “ I’m home safe, going to sleep, I love you”.
Remember that we worry...you would too.

#2. Remember that often ( if you have a good spouse at least=) that they will be getting you all kinds of gifts, making “war bags” making you lunch and eating dinner at odd hours to be with you. Working their schedules around yours to spend time with you as well as usually in the first year, the time spent together is while you are studying and polishing your belt and boots, etc so it’s not “exactly time together” . They will be throwing surprise graduation parties, getting gifts for these events. Studying and reading websites and books such as I Love A Cop and Cop’s Don’t Cry.
They will be changing their lives for you and basically their world will revolve around yours as long as you are a cop.

They will be spending nights alone, missing holidays, vacations cancelled and basically acting as a single parent among much more.

So….

A. Leave notes and cards to let them know you love them and do realize all they are doing for you and that you appreciate them and are PROUD of them as well.

B. At least one time make them a candle lit dinner or take them out during probation.

C. Make them a cute brown bagged lunch and leave it for them in the fridge ( filled with their favorite things) and a cute note that says “ You always make me a lunch and as I eat it I am reminded of how much you love me, here’s some love from me to you.”

D. Leave a note on the pillow before you leave for work saying how you’ll miss them.

Get together their “war bag” of their craft hobby supplies or whatnot.
Encourage them to have their own friends, jobs and hobbies as well.

Any other idea’s from anyone else? Send them in!

How to Deal with Your Spouse when Your the Rookie...

2005-07-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

Now there have been some articles popping up on a few sites ( LAPDwife.com & policewivesonline.com ) on advice for a Rookies spouse and a cops spouse but I have some advice from the wife to the rookie/cop.

So listen up=)

#1. This is a hard time for both of you, a big struggle in life, love and marriage as well as career. So understand that you are the one actually doing it so it’s easier to understand your changes but your spouse doesn’t.

#2. Be patient because not only you will go through mood swings, your spouse is going through yours which cause them to have their own…which lead to nervous breakdowns=)

#3. Help your spouse find reading material’s that might help you both out and read them together ( in between ever five books you read for work read one for your marriage).

#4. Be a part of the marriage, don’t leave your spouse in the dark or on the side lines. Don’t’ make them feel second to your “brothers and sisters in blue”. Show your spouse that they and your marriage are still number one on your priority list. It’s a busy time for you and you won’t much time for special romantic dinners but try to make at least special occasions still special.
Don’t send an email saying that valentines or your anniversary isn’t important or a priority and that you don’t’ have time…sorry sweetie. Perhaps you can sit down and talk about having that special date on another day instead.

#5. Be open to your changes and how difficult this will be to your spouse, you will all of a sudden not be the person they married.

#6. Realize that as you change so does your spouse.

#7. For the first two years allot more time will go into the job than home, the next two years start making up for it=)

#8. Include your spouse in activities ( poker games, etc) introduce her to your classmates and partners so she doesn’t feel left out of the loop and your life.

Write your spouse some letters, get some cards and talk to them here and there about how you realize how hard this is on them and how much you appreciate their support and that soon you will be past the hard part and be able to be more a part of the family again.

Any other idea’s?

LE Marriage Talk....

2005-07-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

There has been a woman posting on another site, LAPDwife whom has the site : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/police_dv/
And has been posting about it on LAPDwife’s site.

She has come on that site basically cop-bashing and talking all about how cops are abusive and wives are victims, etc. She has said us wives are in denial, and that when it happens to us other wives will turn their back to us.

Well, I have posted a few times on that site in response ( under IHHB).

No, we are not in denial, in fact I am going through my tough first year of marriage and wow, it’s not always fun and playing house!
And no, no one turned their backs on me either, I had a ton of support from other cops and cops wives.

LAPDwife has been a site, a rare on, that we wives as well as cops can go to and laugh and see the good side of a LE marriage when most sites have allot of wives whining about their husbands changes and their failing marriages.
Rarely do we get the support and good side of LE and LE marriage, at LAPDwife we do and it’s a place of laughter, support and the lighter side that we all need sometimes. When there are hundreds of the other type of sites that you can “husband/cop-bash” all you want it’s nice to have a good one to enjoy, it doesn’t mean we are in denial in any way.

Here’s two of my posts to this woman :

#1
This site is a "haven" for LAPD wives...other LEO and Officer's, etc. There are many places to go and cop bash, husband bash and wine about being the poor wife of a cop all you want...this site was made to be different and is and we stick to that.

If you feel banged up on then tough because frankly there’s many other sites for you to go to that would love to be on your side as well as millions of cop-haters who read the LA Times so this woman has plenty of support and I still support my husband and other wives of faithful husband because they are made to feel and told all the time to " watch out" because their cop will eventually stray too....which isn't true.

Frankly for any man to stray there is either something wrong with him or something wrong in the marriage altogether....no man strays for no reason. I had an ex who had been terribly abused and abandoned as a child and as an adult he just couldn't function in a relationship, when it got too serious he would do what he could to ruin it and he'd do whatever was best to throw off the woman he was with at the time as was his pattern.

That once meant cheating.
He didn't cheat because he was happy with his life and happy with his relationship. Often it has nothing to do with the wife but perhaps the marriage itself or it is themselves that they are unhappy with and they just don't deal with it well.

But a woman who trashes it all over the news was never a supportive wife to begin with...sorry. I myself almost got divorced from my husband, we are in a legal separation and working it out but I never went online and trashed him because I thought he was being an asshole ( hey, every divorce makes you think that I think) no, I spoke to some friends but not posted online.I did that out of respect and love and as a wife and friend.

This woman can't seem to make up her mind what she's doing and heck divorce or work things out and if he refuses to work things out then be a strong woman and find a better man! But nay man that knows about all this public trashing Jerry Springer white trash stuff she's been doing isn't going to feel real good about her either.

She never came on here looking fro support, she came on here bashing all cops and men and actually had told us before that all our husbands where cheating or would eventually, she posted on another site that if cops weren’t cheating then they where baby killers.....so where's the respect not only for LE, her husband , us on this site but herself as well?
If she wanted support we would have been there, I know this because through my own problems I had it from all these great LE wives and others and wasn't turned away or ganged up on in the least.

I get advice, encouragement and support.
I get advice on protecting myself but I also don't get " he's an a$$ get the hell away" because that’s just not support.
Frankly this woman sounds like she's 15 and that’s how she's handling it all as well in my opinion.

Grow up and then call yourself an LE wife and then come to us for support and you'll get it...but come to us for more cop/husband bashing and we'll show you to the door.

#2 .

For Jenny and the reasons we don't readily accept trash talking of cops is because.....
We read what you speak of all the time elsewhere, we hear it from many people talked about.
We can go on many sites that have bitter cop or ex-cop wives and bash our husbands there.
We tell people our spouse is a cop and we get " does he drink? Beat you? Have power and control issues? Cheat? Isn't the divorce rate really high? Aren't you worried about that?
And we get sick of it, sometimes we want to hear the good stuff and so thankfully a woman made a site for the good and light hearted side, a place for respect to our Officers and a place that we can be reminded of the pride we have a right to have for our cops.

There are times a person goes bad, not just cops though.
The Officer you spoke of above who killed his wife with his children in his car a few spaces away was actually awhile ago as well, and yes these things happen but in a few years time things and departments have improved.

But my husband isn't that man and my husband deserves a big hug everyday and he deserves to know that there's a website out there that isn't all about telling his wife the divorce rates and abuse and all that....but gives his wife the insight to some good after he knows that I hear allot of bad.

Once in awhile a cop needs to be reminded that he does a good deed every day doing his job. And once in awhile a wife needs a reminder that her husband is doing a good thing too.
So this site to me, has been a place I can come and laugh and know that another LE marriage does well and a place for advice when I need it. If I want a place for all the bad they are out there and easier to find than a site like this.

Abusive awareness is a good thing to know and help women out with, but why don't you get away from the stereotype of abusive cops and open your site to other woman who have ordinary husbands with ordinary jobs but are still abusive?

My father abused my mother for 17 years and when I turned 17 gave me the beating of my life of which I walked away from with a few broken bones....he wasn't a cop, he was far from one.

#3.

Can I just say that the first thing I do with new families and cops is recommend that the cops themselves read the books I Love a Cop and Cop's Don't Cry because often the cop themselves do not realize what their attitude has become, etc.

You say that you want to open up awareness but only wives in trouble already or ex-wives of cops can seem to feel comfortable by going and learning from your site.

My husband read I love a cop and realized he was doing certain things that he didn't listen to me about...and he's making every move to change them too ( like anti-social for example) but the book never once came off as cop bashing, where as your site does and no cop or official would feel comfortable reading that at all, they would just feel attacked and therefore learn nothing which is often what needs to happen.

Cop abuse happens, so does everyday life abuse and yes there are allot of recourses out there for non-cop families but you know what? In my marriage trouble recently as a cops wife I learned MORE recourses and had more power on my side than my mother ever had as an abused wife from a man who wasn't in LE.

Frankly, in the LAPD what I've seen myself and by own experience is that my husband would be screwed if he ever laid a hand on me at all.
I know more on how to protect myself.

I know my husbands dept. and station are incredibly strict with any domestic issues...and against him before me!

Thankfully we don't have those issues but if so I know what my recourses are.

I always hear about a ton of issues with Chicago PD, I think that might go to show that they are a dept. that needs working on...and to wake up to the 21st century but I know LAPD is allot different.

As far as suicide rates, yes they have gone up as many are due to no support in the home life or a bad homelike and so that on top of regular job stress ends up being a cop killer.
Not all the blame goes on a cop, sometimes a nagging wife needs to learn how better to run her LE household. It's not always easy but I have learned allot and there are times to pick and choose your battles too.
When your husband has come home from a child abuse case that’s not the time to get on his case and pick a fight.

There is also a time when a wife needs to talk to her husband about seeking therapy or help, even going to church, reading a book, etc. But this must be done in the right way, not an accusing " your sick and need help you bastard" way.

Did my husband believe me when I told him I saw some typical signs I'd read about and learned about where normal, especially in the 2-5 year change? ( like anti social, power and control...very slightly) no, of course not. But as a husband who loved me and wanted to do his part , when I asked him to read I Love a Cop, he did....but I didn’t' come everyday nagging if he was or not. He and I talked that his eye's where opened to some issues and he is now making needed changes.

But the biggest part of getting him to do that was backing off.

It's like a teenager who's mother nag's at them all the time and so they do the opposite of what she wants....so reverse physiology is the best thing among others.

I know that at one point I did get to "nagging" and pushing and forgetting to back off and give him space at times.....that , after coming home from a bad day, can push anyone to being really pissed off or really depressed, I do the same thing myself and have a far less stressful job.

In abuse awareness it's not always for the victim, it's often for the abuser to realize what they are doing and learning that from another source than the victim is often what is needed to get through to them.

Would my husband feel comfortable going to your site and learning his mistakes that way and how to fix them? No, it's a plane assed cop-bashing site in my opinion.

Instead, I'd rather have him read a book like I love a cop, because that doesn't take any sides or accuse or make him feel like shit and therefore suicidal.

You must also remember that not all dept's give the type of background to hire as the LAPD does. My husbands ex-g'f's where interviewed as well as many others and his tests, lie detector and phsyc evaluations and more. Now, a change in Officers happens in the 2-5 year range but not hiring those that they can see have the potential issues to begin with is often a big plus.

It's one reason that the LAPD is the hardest dept. to get into.

From what I've learned the Chicago PD needs to get tougher but not all are bad. It's also a tough job and it can eat away at a persons soul to see death and violence everyday....talk to any Vietnam vet these days and most can't even talk about what they went through, did and saw.

We must remember that our Officers need help themselves, that when entering a marriage with one we must ask ourselves if we are right for the job as an LEO's wife.

And working towards the dept's running better ( requiring therapy and such, better background tests and checks and evaluations and even through out the career for example) is what we should work towards instead of just telling woman to play the victim and get out of the marriage and that their husbands, the father of their children is scum....

Another thing is that many wives I know who where abused also did their part in abusing the marriage, not saying any kind of abuse is right, it’s just learning how to deal with situations and many where raised to deal in the wrong way but I’ve known many wives who would heat openly and then play the victim card when their husband found out and was abusive.

I don’t condone the abuse but I don’t condone giving any reason for it either and then playing a victim card.

I would like to see the dept’s actually have classes for the spouses and significant others of what to expect, what to be prepared for and how to handle it all. Also for the cops to join and to hear it all too and to learn when to seek help.

I’d like to see mandatory therapy at least once a year for a 6 week stretch and another evaluation to maintain the integrity that you hired.
I’d like to see mandatory therapy whenever a marriage problem or home life problem comes about.

Things like this would improve a PD and a marriage.
Also, less stress at home means a better working and more focused cop on the job.

I’d like my husband to have more access to materials and recourses that would help him realize when he needs help…..most cops don’t realize it, most people don’t either. Most don’t realize what they are doing ( maybe starting with snide remarks that will escalate) and most won’t go to therapy, this is why mandatory would be great. ( I think even the wives should have mandatory because getting two stories of the home life would help allot).

Yes, awareness of any kind of abuse is needed, but my husband and I both still prefer at least one site where he doesn’t feel the world hates him and I can feel proud of him and show it off and I know there are other LEO wives to chat with about the good, not just hear about the bad that I do on many other sites.

With an LE family there is extra hard work on both sides to make a good marriage as well as not let the Officer become corroded by what he goes through each and every day and for the wife to not become bitter, nagging, resentful, etc. and therefore the Officers life is then stressful on and off the job.

So awareness to prevent abuse and prevent being a victim and to have a good, stress free and happy home is more of an angle I would appreciate.
Frankly, as a woman being abused now a days you have so many recourses, it’s hard not to throw a penny and find them. But there aren’t that many recourses on how to make a really good long lasting non-abusive LE marriage.

You can read up on what Ms. Jenny Miller has to say at LAPDwife.com

Essay!

2005-07-22T17:42:00.000-07:00

Here’s something from the website link below from LAPDonline.org for 6,7 and 8th graders.

Check it out.

http://www.lapdonline.org/portal/generic.php?page=/community/community_events/pio_essay.htm

“If you were a Los Angeles police officer, how would you help solve the problems in your neighborhood or community?”
Entries will be accepted from July 5, 2005 to August 5, 2005 and can be submitted in English or Spanish.

The LAPD Essay Contest will be open to students in grades 6, 7 and 8 enrolled in the LAUSD.

Question for the Times?

2005-07-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

With the recent article from LA Times disclosing the names of the Officers involved in the Pena shooting I’d like to ask:

What are all the names of the family of Pena who are illegal’s, felons, suspects in crimes, on drugs, have possession of illegal guns and in gangs?

When will that list be coming out in the Times?

Here's for all those "Activists" out there in LA.

2005-07-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

With the recent shoot out between the LAPD and Jose Pena which brougth the death of Pena and his 19 month of daughter whom he held hostage and threatened to kill I had been sent this article some time ago from Houston where a M-13 gang member ( and Illegal) shot and kileld a 19 month old child.

Now there are " Activists" in LA who are saying that the LAPD did wrong and that they killed a child, loking over the fact that her father, high on cociane and an illegal with a gun, was shooting 40 bullets out one of which landed into the shoulder of an Officer. Also that eh threatened to kill his whole family, his stepdaughter and wife escaped. His wife had a restraining order on him and had called 911 in fear of her's and her childrens lives.

Now the "Activists" against the LAPD are looking for a war, a riot over the fact of a man who commited "suicide by cop" in which he also put his daughter in the way of a bullet and gave Officers no choice but to fire in return.

Well all, read this little article and then if you want to get you linch mob togetehr still be sure to sweep up the cocaine drug dealing and using illegal gang memebrs as well who are out there with illegal guns causing much of the violence in LA and America and costing tax payers more millions than you can imagine......

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=43841

INVASION USAIllegal alien heldin toddler's deathMS-13 gang member allegedly fired 5 shots into windshield of family out for snow cones

Posted: April 17, 20051:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2005 WorldNetDaily.com

Capital murder charges have been filed against a 19-year-old illegal alien believed to be a member of MS-13, a violent El Salvadoran gang, for the shooting death of a 19-month-old Houston toddler.

Miguel Angel Castro and three other men allegedly followed the family of Aiden Naquin as they returned home from a snow cone stand last Tuesday night. According to Ernest Naquin, the child's 27-year-old father, he pulled over to let a tailgating silver Nissan Altima containing four men pass. Instead of passing, however, the car blocked the Naquin family's vehicle and a gunman and two others exited the Nissan, came toward the front of the car and began firing.

"I said, 'Please don't kill me.' Then I saw that look in his eyes," Naquin says as he describes how he told his children to duck.

Gangs…the Terrorists of America.

2005-07-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

“I think it's reasonable to think that the illegal problem could be more dangerous than terrorism.”

One post from another site I saw and I wanted to chat a bit about.
With all the talk the last few years on terrorism from Al Quida and all I wanted to point out the terrorism that goes on in our own backyards everyday here in America.

We have the Army , Marines and NAVY to send over see’s to protect us from those certain terrorists but here on our homeland we also wage a war and deal with terrorism on a daily basis.

We have many gang members, over 80 ,000 in Los Angeles alone. Over 100,000 in LA prisons alone ( and they do get out to walk the streets again). We have one gang especially sweeping across America like no other , M-13.
Most violent shooting are by gang members. Many 17 year old boy’s are killed regularly by their rival gang’s.

Many innocent people get caught in the cross fire of rival gangs.

With gangs come death.
With gangs come innocent lives taken. Young lives ruined, violence in the streets.

With gangs come drug trafficking, with drug trafficking comes children on drugs, parents on drugs and parents high on cocaine getting in shootouts with the police and holding their daughter hostage like a terrorist.
With drug trafficking comes children who die young, get trapped in the whirlwind of drugs, babies born on crack to suffer all their lives.
With drug trafficking comes theft.
With drug trafficking comes starved, abused and abandoned children.

With gangs come illegal Aliens in America.
Illegal guns on the streets.
Twelve year old carrying guns and shooting their classmates because of a dirty look given.
With illegal guns and drugs comes a father who threatens his family, the police and gets his daughter killed.

With gangs comes full prison facilities.
Tax payers money wasted.

Bad and unsafe neighborhoods to live in..
Lower property value.

Everywhere you see gangs you see drugs, violence , death, children on welfare, Illegal Aliens who don’t pay taxes and bring down the economy, illegal guns, young kids on and selling drugs, killing others and dying from gunshot wounds from a rivals bullet, families on welfare, unsafe area’s and low property values and theft.

Terrorists like Al Quida are also known to be contacting MS-13 and recruiting them.

More Police Officers are needed to patrol the streets in bad, gang infested area’s which also means more tax money.

And more Officers are at risk every day and shot at every day from a gang member.

So…when are we going to start crying outrage at the terrorism and violence on our homeland?

What are your ideas for putting an end to gang terrorism in America?

Illegals + Drugs=Trouble

2005-07-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

Some great articles on the Pena case are found at LAPDwife.com and http://horsebackriders.blogspot.com/2005/07/behind-red-curtain.html

My opinions on a few facts and from the articles from above mentioned sites as I've written more on this in past posts.

Illegal Alien +More than likely illegal gun+Cocaine bought by relative gang members= Baby died.

Enough said.

Besides that, who's the hell stupid enough to get into a shot out with 100 Officers? I know we make allot of movies in California but stop smoking the crack and realize that Hollywood isn't real!

For all those cop-bashing citizens out there yelling about the LAPD’s actions and spouting off that you pay their salary why don't you wake up and realize that allot of money was just wasted on an illegal who doesn't pay taxes, ad's to crime and drugs on the street as well as illegal guns and children on welfare?

Why the Violence?

2005-07-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

netscape.com news. Children are becoming more violent as well as adults. Children
From netscape.com news. Children are becoming more violent as well as adults. Children are killing children, their own parents and parents are killing their children ( what happened to that protective instinct?).

Is it more now than before of just perhaps more well known than before? What’s causing this?
Is it TV? School? Parents working? Divorced parents? Diet? Medicines?

What’s your thought?

"Boy, 8, Charged in Death of Infant Sister
By MITCH STACY
TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - Prosecutors charged an 8-year-old boy with aggravated manslaughter Tuesday for kicking and punching his infant half sister and then hitting her in the face with a two-by-four, killing her. If convicted, he could be held in a juvenile facility until his 21st birthday. ``We thought that the juvenile system was the place for him, where he can get the help he needs,'' state attorney spokeswoman Pam Bondi said in announcing that prosecutors had decided to file the criminal charge. It wasn't an easy decision.
Jayza Laney Simms was 7 months old when she was killed in the May 22 attack. The boy, who isn't being identified because of his age, was visiting his father, his father's girlfriend and their two daughters - Jayza and a toddler - at their home in east Tampa.
The adults were outside talking with friends after putting the children to bed when the boy came out and said the baby was bleeding, authorities said.
By the time the parents could get her to an emergency room, Jayza was dead.
The boy initially denied beating the baby. But he confessed later, after investigators reviewed autopsy results and confronted him again, authorities said. They said he was jealous of the attention showered on the baby and angry that night because she wouldn't stop crying.
Investigators had never seen a crime in which a young child had displayed ``so much violence and so little remorse,'' police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said.
Bondi said prosecutors struggled with how to handle it.
``We never thought we'd have to be researching how to charge an 8-year-old accused of such a terrible crime,'' Bondi said.
English common law dating back centuries says children under 8 can't be held accountable for their actions, and children are presumed to be unable to form criminal intent before about age 15.
Experts say there are fewer than a half-dozen cases of children 8 or younger who commit murder each year. In 2002, the most recent year for which statistics were available, there were just three, according to the FBI.
Jayza's brother will be tried in juvenile court for aggravated manslaughter if a plea deal isn't reached first. Neither of the boy's parents has publicly discussed the case. He lived with his mother in Lakeland and visited his father. "

Question of the Day...

2005-07-19T17:12:00.000-07:00

If you where the Chief of the LAPD what would you do?

Question of the Day.....

2005-07-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

If you where LA's Mayor what would you do?

Life with a Rookie.....

2005-07-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

I met my husband 2 months into his rookie year, right after his first and meanest, hardest TO…I mean this TO has a major rep!
But just in time for his second hardest and the one who almost made him quit!
This, as in the Academy from what I hear, is the hardest time to date and have a relationship as well as a growing one…but we did it!

He would come all the way on an hours drive to my house on his 3 day weekends with tons of homework in tow as well as all his gear and polishing stuff…man I never dated a guy before who’s shoes where so darn shiny!
We realized we both had things we had to get done so couldn’t pay so much attention to each other all the time but also wanted to spend time together too! So he would be doing his homework and polishing his gear ( that sounds wrong) and I’d be doing my own thing. We where like a little married couple from the beginning!

I am a strong woman and incredibly independent and used to being by myself and don’t need or want allot of attention and am not clingy, needy or “get lonely” so that helped a ton…I’m also what my husband calls “ East Coast Military” even though I’m not Military but growing up in Houston and spending allot of time around NASA as well as down in Corpus and more I was always surrounded by it ( and my father was for awhile before I was born).

One thing I see on allot of websites and forums is needy and clingy woman who “ are lonely at night, can’t sleep, etc” heck! I love having my bed all to myself and then having my husband home to cuddle just before I go to work.

I think this helped allot for us and still does. I actually enjoy my nights a few times a week alone, not making dinner and watching my chick flicks like Sex in the City or reading or working out on my own even, or time out with the girls or hours on the phone to my sister.

Also, time to set up surprises too while he’s at work or sleeping until noon!
I re-did our whole patio like this !

It was a very tough time for him, though not really for us with my personality which we both agreed is what made it possible to stick around.

Being very flexible too is a must.

During the time he worked in the second two months of probation and I knew him he was working in fires in 2003 and coughed up black stuff for weeks, he went 48 hours with no sleep and had at least 10 hours of homework to stuff into 2 hours and more. He almost quit but I kept telling him that his silver lining would come along soon and he had to wait out two months until the next TO….which we prayed would be a bit of a break for him and just not an asshole.

Well, that happened, his next TO was tough but a much better “teacher” as well and ever since then my husband saw working as a Police Officer back to being worth it and remembered why he wanted to do it to begin with when he had lost sight of that with his first two TO’s .

I then moved closer, to the same town so we weren’t about an hour away from each other ( I had other reasons for moving there too, work and hobbies). That helped allot and gave us more time to see each other too.

The switching times was hard on him, easy on me I must say but we didn’t live together either. Now we do and he works watch 5 ( leaves home at 3:pm and gets home with no OT about 3:pm). This works out for me because I have a few nights alone like I said above and I have time to myself in the mornings as well on days I’m not working…or before work when I just don’t feel like talking yet!

Also, it’s best for him and his style too.

The studying and frustration with how much you might get piled on I think was tough, not all TO’s are alike though ( my husband changed every two months during year 1).
He would record things on CD and listen to them while driving so by the end of it I knew his first division like the back of my hand and much more!
What a way to learn the codes too because as practice he would say them out loud every time he saw something ( he doesn’t now).

We don’t have kids now so as far as the sleeping issue we don’t’ have that yet but we do think about it as plans.
Allot of white noise has become our best friend too and now I can’t sleep without it either.
I think having a bathroom separate from the bedroom ( which we don’t have now=( would be better because now when I shower and change in the morning it wakes him up a little but he’s pretty used to it now too and I don’t run hair dryers.

The eating is another thing that we still struggle with though. His eating schedule is different from mine even when he’s off work. And then at night the eating choices are slim ( though they eat dinner before places close now because he starts at in the afternoon, so early dinner). And he doesn’t like to brown bag it because he feels weird doing that when his partner isn’t…..something he just needs to get over though in my opinion!

With kids we already talk about some things even though they are at least 5 years away right now!
But making their bedroom a play room that I can spend time with them there, or outdoors as well and looking fro a place to live ( we rent right now) that the bedrooms are far away from each other and not right next door.

White noise.
Getting together with other mom’s and getting out of the house to the zoo or to one persons house that the husband isn’t home or something like that and having play dates.

Visit grandma’s here and there too. ( well, they are to far right now but it’s an idea when they move closer for retirement).

I’m a person big on library’s and they often have great kids sections plus parks and stuff too.

Even sound proofing when we own isn’t beyond our ideas.

Right now I’m able to use the kitchen and the smells only sometimes get to him but he usually figures the better the smell the more spicy I made something which means he can’t eat it! ( how’d a Cajun eating woman get stuck with the blandest taste bud guy ever?)

But when we have kids and look for a house to buy I want to look at the way the kitchen is situated from the master bedroom so that kids and even company in the kitchen can be allowed without disturbing him when sleeping.

But when the time comes I’ll be sure to be on these boards asking plenty of advice from other parents!

My biggest advice to spouses is your own life…your own job and/or hobbies to keep you out of the house and busy. Or even at home but busy ( I read a ton and paint some too as well as scrapbook and cook and write so indoor and quiet but keep me busy) I also have my own fulltime job and I hike/trail run/work out and horse back ride.

But I think that’s important with any and all relationships, not just with a cop. You have to still be yourself, have your own identity and stuff.

The hard part now at almost 3 years is the personality change, I’m sure it was a bit of a change before we met too but now it’s been a change as well. The thing that helped him see that it was going beyond ok and acceptable was that he finally read I Love a Cop himself and it opened his eye’s as I always suggest the cops themselves do because when he hears it from me of course he doesn’t listen! This helped him see that he needed to make a few adjustments, even having other hobbies as well as some therapy.

It’s still hard but it’s easier when they see they need to make adjustments and then are willing to do so.

I suppose even with rank type of changes their will come other changes in the personality as well. Oh I totally recommended Cop’s Don’t Cry and I love a Cop.

And before marriage ask your self “ Can I stand to be alone sometimes?”
“ Do I have my own hobbies, job, life, friends?”

A Civilized Country That’s not So Civilized….

2005-07-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

With the latest in the news involving the LAPD we have comments flying in the world of the net .

What concerns me most are ignorant comments such as “I want to use my energy to point out what I see as obvious. The LAPD has shot and killed too many unarmed people (and a dog!) recently.When I see that people are acknowledging that there's a problem then I might start thinking about proposing a solution.” Found on Lavoice.org.

My reply read as “Since when was this guy all of a sudden un-armed? He had a gun and shot off 40 bullets! I don’t’ know, maybe when daddy’s stop getting high and using their babies as hostages and body shields the world will finally be a better place…Also, people have actually died from the beanbag and the stun gun too, if that had been used on a man high on cociane it could easily shut down his heart and then you'd be saying that was wrong too.”

What people don’t’ seem to realize as perhaps the Police enter the news more often is that so do the people themselves as Law Enforcement grows more forceful as the civilians grow more violent.

This is a man who killed his child, suicide by cop is what he did and for any parents to put his child in harms way is someone not worthy of the responsibility of a child to begin with.

Naturally a parents shields their child, when they not only fail to do that but also send the child into harms way themselves and risk their lives then there’s one more sign that the world is failing.
That this father is a sick man, a pathetic human being and if he was still alive now should be hung from a nearest tree.

Just my opinion….

No Officer did what the did without thinking it through, and unfortunately they had no choice, not one of those Officers wanted to have to shoot and it’s one reason 40 bullets where able to be shot by the father first.

There are many broken hearts, I’m sure that the mother is grieving but I must say I wish I could shake her by her shoulders and ask what the hell she was thinking putting her children in harms way? Her husband high and drunk and out of his mind and armed . she is just as guilty as the father for why that child was in the fathers arms and was shot.

Thankfully no other innocent civilians or Officers ( except the one Officer shot in the shoulder) where harmed, thankfully no child was walking along the street as 40 bullets where shot from an insane, high and drunk , unstable man. Sadly one baby did die at the hand of her father.

A child is supposed to be protected by their father, not put in harms way by him....

2005-07-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

LAPDwife.com and Lavoice.org are heated sites today over finding that the bullet that killed a child held hostage by her father came from the LAPD after her father had shot out 40 bullets reports say. The Police where called by the mother after he was high on cocaine and drunk he threatened to kill the whole family.

Here’s my comment:

Most of those Officers have a baby just like that....shooting and that child's death ( by their bullet or her fathers) has broken many hearts and made many grown men cry like babies…I promise you that.If there could have been another way there would have been. Maybe mistakes where made but in the end that man committed what you call “suicide by cop” and he was intent to take someone down with him.

Many men and killers are like this. The man who can’t provide for his family often see’s the best way to handle it is to take them all out with himself.If he had been shot in the leg ( and no, aiming such as that is nowhere near as easy as the movies make it look, even for snipers) then the man may have easily had turned the gun to his daughters head and then even if not meaning to could have accidentally pulled the trigger. This is most likely what would have happened had he only been shot in the leg .

In the end that child would have been traumatized anyways at even that young age it’s possible her first memory would have been what her father did…put his child in harms way.This is such a sad moment for all. This man was high and whatever as well as, according to the Childs mother, depressed…more than likely a bi-polar type of personality and should never have been allowed near the child without having been in therapy and getting help as well as not getting high and drinking as well.

Now the mother blames the LAPD and the family has turned against a 17 year old girl, the other daughter saying this is also her fault.

The mother previously also had a restraining order on what she now claims is a loving father and husband…..it’s just my opinion but since when does a loving father/husband get high and drunk, threaten to kill his wife , stepdaughter and daughter then use his baby daughter as a hostage and stands in the yard swinging around and shooting a gun?

Yep, just the daddy I want…..

What this man did, BTW, is called technically “ suicide by cop” where the suspect does everything he can and forces the Police to have to shoot. It’s what he intended and he didn’t have the heart to put his baby daughter aside first.
Many men who choose to end their own lives end up taking family members with them. This is one more of those men.
Abusive fathers. Dangerous men and people. And yet , with having a restraining order he was allowed in the house and that child put in harms way….nice mom too.

And he said "The Demons have taken over...." but nobody listened

2005-07-11T17:18:00.000-07:00

With the Story in the papers of the two children kidnapped and the blog of The Fifth Nail I did some googling and came up with some freaky stuff that should have been a sign to any who knew who this man was as it’s a scream of help and he had been screaming for quite some time ….

Here's what you'll find if you look for the site now:

Joseph E. Duncan III, "the demons have taken over"
(AP) - A convicted sex offender spent months on the Internet documenting his internal struggle with right and wrong. Then, four days before two children he is accused of kidnapping disappeared, he wrote, "The demons have taken over."It was one of the last entries in his Web log before he was arrested Saturday and then charged this week with two counts of kidnapping.The authorities maintain that the 42-year-old blogger, Joseph E. Duncan III of Fargo, N.D., took Dylan Groene, 9, and Dylan's sister, Shasta, 8, from their rural Idaho home shortly before their 13-year-old brother, their mother and her boyfriend were found bludgeoned to death on May 16. The police say Mr. Duncan is a suspect in those killings, and a body believed to be that of Dylan has been found in Montana and is awaiting positive identification."God has shown me the right choice, but my demons have me tied to a spit and the fire has already been lit," Mr. Duncan wrote on April 24, after he had jumped bail in Minnesota on charges of molesting a 6-year-old boy in a playground. His last entry on the Web log was on May 13, three days before Dylan and Shasta vanished."As far as 'taking people with me,' well, I don't know if that is right or wrong," he wrote then. "In fact, I don't know much anymore what right and wrong even is." Mr. Duncan began his online journal in January of last year. It was called "Blogging the Fifth Nail," an allegorical reference to a fifth nail intended to end Christ's suffering on the cross.Chris Magnus, the police chief in Fargo, the suspect's hometown, said officers learned of the blog when they questioned friends and neighbors after Mr. Duncan failed to check in with his probation officer in May.The sporadic entries included excerpts from a book that Mr. Duncan said he was writing based on his conviction, at age 16 in Tacoma, Wash., of sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy at gunpoint. He documented his nightmares, his anger at serving 20 days past his 20-year prison sentence and his difficulty making friends and dating.Another target was the Fargo Police Department's policy of visiting the homes of high-risk sex offenders. He railed against officers' checking on his whereabouts and confiscating his computer and digital camera to look for child pornography.He also vented anger about the social stigma of being a convicted sex offender, about the requirement that he register as one and about the fact that the information was publicized on a Web site maintained by the Fargo police."I have decided to give up on trying to convince people that I am a real person, with honest and good intentions," he wrote last year, "not some evil monster they should be afraid of."

Parts from his blog follow:

Fifth Nail, Actual Entry by sex offender Joseph Duncan

The Boogyman Will Get Ya
So, I've been accused of molesting a little boy. Those close to me know I didn't do it of course, how could I, I'm not even a pedophile. Well, I'm not a psychopath either, I feel the full force and pain of everyone I have ever hurt, but that doesn't stop me from doing what I need to do. Ultimately my feelings don't matter, I learned that in prison. I have to carry out my orders or a lot worse than just me dying could happen.
4/15/05, from the Fifth Nail, by Joseph E. Duncan, III

“As far as letting God take care of the Demons, too late. They've locked up the "Happy Joe" person in the same dungeon that "Happy Joe" kept them in for so many years. Now they are loose and I am very afraid.”

“was in prison for over 18 years, since the age of 17. As an adult all I knew was the oppression of incarceration. All those years I dreamed of getting out...And getting even. Instead, I got out and I got even, but did not get caught.”

So, I got even again, and again did not get caught. So, I figured, well, I got even twice (actually more, but that's here nor there), even if I'm the only one who knows, so now what?

With the one line from above “As an adult all I knew was the oppression of incarceration.” I thought about the fact that this man knew nothing else than how he learned to live in prison, and then they let him out and expect him to be able to live in the real world.
This brings up the subject of rehabilitation as well, though prison isn’t rehab and even a little therapy here and there.

But how can we just keep a man through all his adult years in prison and then let him out again and even begin to expect he can function? This isn’t’ a 3 year stint , this was the 18 years, all of a man’s adult hood. He had basically known nothing else but the life of prison and then he’s let out on the streets again and expected to function, expected to have learned his lesson.

Either A. Rehabilitation needed to have at least been tried or B. Monsters like that should be left to rot. A case like this is almost guaranteed to commit his original crime again. This man allegedly did just that and more..he moved to murder, kidnapping and possibly molestation.

He mentions in his blog that others had read his blog, including a female Neighbor. And no one listened ...

I’d be fascinated to get any input or thoughts from any professionals and possibly anyone who'd like to shoot out a basic profile.

2005-07-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

Found a real neat website that you can go and find farms in California, even organic, where you can pick your own fruits. A fun family project or even one for couples!
http://www.pickyourown.org/CAla.htm
So check it out!

Little thoughts tucked away for the future....

2005-07-08T10:23:00.000-07:00

On LAPDwife today there’s a good post about a new video game about gang members killing cops….nice.

Well, I’m not a mom yet and far from being one anytime in the near future but I still think about things sometimes about my future and how I’ll raise my kids and little things come to me as I come across things like this.

Today my biggest thought was how that parents don’t know the parents of the children that their kids play with anymore. In the 50’s kids played with their parents friends kids, neighbors knew each other and you knew how the house hold that your child might spend allot of time playing at ran and what some views and thoughts where as well as games played, etc.

Now a days often parents barely even can tell you the names of their kids friends, people who’s houses they often spend so much time at playing and doing God knows what .
Much less do they know the parents and the morals of the household of those friends.

So, my big thought of “ remember this later for my kids “ today is “ Get to know the parents, have back yard BBQ’s and introduce yourself to the whole neighborhood ( and become ally’s with all to know where your kid is and they he’s doing at all times=)

Heck, I might just go for a GPS tracking system in the little buggers but in the process of knowing who my kids friends parents are I know more of what influence my kids will have.

I won’t always be able to shelter them but I can pick and choose a few battles and knowing who my kids are spending much of their time around is one that I plan to conquer.

New Beginnings and New Endings....

2005-06-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

Hey all, well. I have been away for awhile huh?

Things happen, life goes on and divorce papers get served I suppose right?

Well, my husband and I are divorcing. I won’t go into detail, that’s between family and friends close enough to know.

But my support for LE is still ongoing as my prayers for my husbands safety as a LEO are always.

I’ll also continue this site because it’s not just about my life married to an LAPD Officer but about the planet, Country, State and city I live in. Politics and more.

I got my first subscription to a great magazine though called Marriage. It came in last night and a great article was “ Things I wish I’d known before divorce”. Now the divorce isn’t my choice but I think this article as well as several others where amazing to a married couple, even at the point my husband and I are at now.

I would like to hear advice for the first year of marriage as well as going through divorce and such. So if you have any, please share.

Thanks,

IHHB

New GREEN Magazine!

2005-05-18T15:36:00.000-07:00

Picked up a new magazine off of the shelf at Barnes and Noble that I had never seen before and loved it! It’s called Experience Life http://www.lifetimefitness.com/magazine/

On the cover is World Champion Skateboarder and Eco-Advocate Bob Burnquist. bobburnquist.com What an influence to the young people of our time! Wow, I read the article and was really impressed though I’m not a huge skater fan or anything but I am a fan of the environment and good influences in the world!

Check it out!

When your spouse wants to be a cop...

2005-05-17T16:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have posted before about the LAPD hiring and I have received questions from men who wanted to join but their wives either didn’t want them too, didn’t know they wanted to, etc. and they where asking for advice on what to tell their wives (this can go the other way for women who want to join as well).

So now I’ll post help for the person who wants to become an Officer and the spouse who is not.

First, for our possibly soon to be LAPD family there are recourses out there to help cope, places to ask questions and shoulders to lean on.

I suggest my site of course for info=)
As well as the best being LAPDwife.com which I am a religious commenter and guest of.
There is also Realpolice.net and their forums holds a section for the “ Other Half”.
If you go on yahoo groups and search for Police and cop family sites you will find them, or email me and I’ll recommend them.
Then there’s www.policewivesonline.com and more.

You can find information as well about the LAPD on their official website at LAPDonline.org and I suggest visiting: http://www.joinlapd.com/index2.html yourself and see what your spouse may be getting themselves into.

My favorite books so far have been: I Love a Cop and Cop’s Don’t Cry.
There is much reading material for you Officer to be for his career but to read some of it yourself might help you also understand what he is doing and why.

When your spouse comes to you out of the blue after you are already married and announces they want to be a cop, what do you do? What would you do?
When you meet some one you fall in love with and find out he will soon be a cop or is a cop, what do you or would you do?
And probably even harder to digest is when a wife approaches her husband and announces she wants to join the LAPD since men will naturally have that “ my wife wants to do what? Can she do that? She’s so small, how can she take care of herself?” reaction.

First, let me tell you, I know a few female cop’s who are smaller, shorter than me but I would lay my money of them in a flash for them to win the round!
I even know a married couple who are both LAPD Officers and even went through the Academy together.

So, to answer some of these questions I wouldn’t be the one, perhaps we will get a few comments and I’ll learn from a few other spouses who have already walked that path.

But I can talk about the situation where I met my future husband on-line and after weeks of talking I was already taken by the guy, on the day of our first date I knew he was a cop but not only could I be “ wow, cool” I needed to sit back after a few weeks of dating and think about the fact of “ If we end up in love and married, could I marry a cop?”

I had to ask if I could handle the pressure, the depression, the stress that it can bring?
The odd hours, change of shifts, lonely nights and even “ what about when kids enter the show?”

Well, I of course decided I could. I made it with him through 11 out of the 12 months of probation and so far as a P2 since last July. I made it through him not getting vacation time he put in for and ending up scheduled on his wedding day ( that of course was straightened out=) and I made it through his first child abuse case with him.

There are time’s I fall weak and make mistakes of course and the stress of the job gets to me too much but we learn how to work through those times.

I have built a support system, in great part due to LAPDwife.com, the woman who runs it and visitors on the site as well as friends and spouses and Officers he works with and went through the Academy with.

I have the support of his family and mine as well as my friends who are all outside the Police world as well.

And I have him.

It’s not as bad as I read from some on a few yahoo group sites and forums, it’s funny because a few places it’s all about the bad and spouses who just aren’t cut out for it and other sites I visit everyone seems cut out for it and are great!

I have no regrets about the job of the man I married, in fact I love what he does and have so much respect for him.

For those who need help, have questions and are looking for support, please visit the sites I mentioned, read the books and remember that you would want all the support from your spouse that they are asking from you.

One day at a time...

2005-05-17T15:59:00.000-07:00

Just a little over a year ago I started eating more organically and thinking about my environment and health.

In that time I have come to eat about 95% organic, buy many of my organic products form my local farmers market and use organic earth safe cleaning supplies.

I do things in my home to save water and energy which helps the environment as well as my bank account.

I recycle and read and learn everything I can get my hands on.

I work out, hike, trail run (well, starting new on that=) horseback ride and other physical and healthy activities as well.

I read for spiritual and mental health among other things.

I just recently started realizing that the things I have done to change my habits and life are not any longer “trying to change” but HAVE changed and are now just a regular way of life for me.

I walk by fast food places and though I once loved them I now get physically ill thinking about eating the big double burgers with bacon in the pictures I see.
When friends want to stop at one I don’t even like eating from those healthy menu’s some have now, I just don’t want to eat there at all and now always have plenty of my own healthy snacks on hand.

My husband and I needed a few things from a regular grocery store instead of Trader Joes or Whole Foods market or the farmers market and decided to run in and get them, well, I remembered I needed some meat for the week, not much but enough for about two meals or so to cover my week. I spent 45 minutes in the meat aisle trying to make myself want to buy the non-organic, non-free range, non-hormones added meat that frankly not only sounded unhealthy, was unhealthy but also LOOKED unhealthy!

Much of it was fatty cuts, brownish, small cuts and just nasty looking to me!

Finally, my husband finished his own errands around the store and came back to me and we decided to run to Trader Joes real quick, we just didn’t feel that sacrificing our health was worth not doing so, my stomach turned at the thought of eating what I was looking at.

So next week I’m going out of state to my best friends wedding and decided, after this grocery trip to call her and ask if there was a Trader Joes or Whole Foods or any store nearby that sells organic food. Thankfully there is! Trader Joes to save the day! WooHoo!

When you start it seems expensive and hard to do but after a year I have found that I have saved money in some places and my health isn’t something I want to risk. I shop easily and it’s not hard at all, it takes no effort anymore to live a healthier life.

I also thought about the fact while walking through the cereal aisle at the first store, that some companies are now making the changes to foods such as all the cereal they make is whole grain and I realize that every little bit people do helps, now fast food chains have a healthy menu and cereal is making healthy changes, smoking is being banned in certain places.
We are on the path to changing the world little by little and it warms my heart to know that my children will have a world more accepting of their healthy habits.

Successful Women

2005-05-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

Women in today’s world…

I was talking the other day to a friend about women who have made a full business, even multi billionaire businesses and then I have read recently a post from a man who thinks women should “stay in their place” and I realized that there are many women who have made multi-billionaire businesses by doing “women’s work” as some put it (heck, not me, place? I’d love to see someone try to “put me in my place”=).

There is Martha Stewart (not mentioning the trial, jail time and reasons for it) Martha Stewart was divorced and raised her daughter as a single mom and made a fortune at cooking, cleaning, gardening, crafts, etc.

“Women’s work” right? Well, instead of fighting against “women’s work” she made it her job and made her job into an empire! One smart cookie if you ask me! So I must say I admire what work she has done.

She showed us that women’s work isn’t just “ I’m a housewife” or “ I’m a stay at home mom” it’s truly a job! A career and a business!

Many women out there are basically running a business in their homes every day taking care of their families and they may not be making profit like Stewart did but I defiantly say that women deserve a little pat on the back for their hard work and success, be it turning what you do best into a multi million dollar business or raising a happy and healthy family!

So women’s work isn’t quite so bad after all!

Another successful women that came to mind was Oprah. Oprah had been raised as a poor and abused child in the south, not only that but an African-American female and at the time she started her show and her business was a time when women’s suppression was still something people grasped onto with all their strength and she over came the fact she was poor, abused, raised poorly and taught nothing, Black and female and now she is one of the highest paid women in the world (?) Oprah often does shows that are considered “for women” and enjoys bringing chef’s on her show as well as other “women” topics and projects.

There’s also one of my favorite successful women, Barbara Walters, I have always admired her for being a women who started her career in a “mans world” years ago and during years when women where thought to belong barefoot and pregnant. She raised her daughter through it all and she is still going strong today.

http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/W/htmlW/waltersbarb/waltersbarb.htm

I must ask though, as women are evolving are men? Do you think men are doing more around the house and with the kids than twenty years-forty ago?

Influence...

2005-05-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

How much influence do our parents have?

I have just begun to realize over the last couple of years how much influence my parents and upbringing have had upon me.

My upbringing….well, lets just say my husband has arrested parents and seized children from homes for less….

I have realized recently that I strive to make my life different that than of which my mother chose. Though she was raised in the best she has chosen the path that my sister best describes as “ she turned sixteen and stopped growing up”.

I basically know that if I do the opposite of my mother in all things I’ll be doing them right.
Sad but true.

And I recently discovered that I continue to seek my mothers approval though my life is very different and far from hers.

An family member of mine said “ All Children seek their parents approval whether they realize it or not , at one time or another, even if that parent isn’t worthy of approval themselves”.

Another thing I have realized quite recently is that I have allot of anger due to my upbringing that is seeping into my adult life, I am making what changes need to be made, my wonderful husband is my rock during this but they say the first step is to realizing and admitting so I’m past that just now and now it’s time for the next steps due as I can not let that anger continue into my life any longer though it has taken me until very recently that I realized it had any effect on my life or had any connection to my past.

Thankfully I have still turned out better than I could have due to the circumstances, according to all those who know me and who have also known my upbringing first hand.

I strive to make my life as good as I can and continue to do so. This I don’t think is a bad thing though I must also not let myself become obsessed with it either. So far I have not quite done so.

I do have a drive through life and a will of Iron as well to succeed.

I also have a need to stay in the life on the right side of the law, no drugs, rarely, if ever, drink, and heck, married a cop!
I do believe this is one of “ do the opposite of my parents and what I was taught during my childhood” things.

This is much easier to live a life outside of the way I was raised to know by being about eighteen hundred miles away from those who raised me.
How much do you think your upbringing had an influence on you?What certain things about your upbringing effect your life now and in what ways?

It's not too late!

2005-05-09T16:00:00.000-07:00

I have until June 5th to collect donations to benefit women’s cancer research and prevention and to find a cure!

The walk ( that we ran) was amazing and I was really touched to read all the “ I’m a survivor” signs which would have how long ago they had the cancer, some where 8 months, some where 23 years.

The Rock and Halle Berry hosted the event ( nope, missed out on seeing The Rock for myself=( but I did pull a kinda joke on my husband with a picture with two Firefighters.

There where sooo many people it was unreal but really great!

Next year my friend and I are going to go into it running from the start and even beat the time from this year, yes I am so competitive.

Thank you to all of those who helped me raise funds for the research to find a cure for women’s cancer. Thank you for your donations and your love, support and help.

See you next year!!!

May 7th Revlon Walk/jog for women!

Join the Fight!On Saturday, May 7th, I participated in the 12th Annual Revlon Run/Walk (I was going to walk but we, my 2 friends and I, ended up running) For Women.

You can join me in the fight against women's cancers by making a donation on my behalf. Your donation will help fund important research into the cause and cure of women's cancers, prevention, education and support service programs.

Every donation will help bring us one step closer to a cure.
Help me reach my goal of $2,000! All 100% Tax deductible! ( you'll get an on line receipt to print out.

Until a cure is found and we know that all women are safe, we must continue the fight.Save a Life, Make a Pledge.It is estimated that one in eight American women will develop breast cancer at some point in her life. In 2005, more than 211,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed, while more than 22,000 will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Behind each of these statistics is the face of a woman who needs your help -- a mother, a wife, a sister, your friend.

Revlon Run/WalkCreated in 1993 through the committed and collective efforts of the Entertainment Industry Foundation, Lilly Tartikoff, Ronald O. Perelman, and The Davis Group, the Revlon Run/Walk For Women has grown to become one of the nation's largest 5K fundraising events.To date, the Run/Walks (LA/NY) have distributed over 30 million dollars for cancer research, counseling, and outreach programs.

Thanks in part to these funds, new treatments are being developed and lives are being saved

http://www.revlonrunwalk.com/

One more Day!!!

2005-05-06T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, I had another post for today but I figured today's the last day before the Revlon Run/Walk for womens cancer so I'll put it up one more time for a little more exposure.

May 7th Revlon Walk/jog for women!
Join the Fight!On Saturday, May 7th, I will be participating in the 12th Annual Revlon Run/Walk ( walking) For Women. You can join me in the fight against women's cancers by making a donation on my behalf. Your donation will help fund important research into the cause and cure of women's cancers, prevention, education and support service programs. Every donation will help bring us one step closer to a cure.

Help me reach my goal of $2,000! All 100% Tax deductible! ( you'll get an on line receipt to print out).

Until a cure is found and we know that all women are safe, we must continue the fight.Save a Life, Make a Pledge.It is estimated that one in eight American women will develop breast cancer at some point in her life.

In 2005, more than 211,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed, while more than 22,000 will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Behind each of these statistics is the face of a woman who needs your help -- a mother, a wife, a sister, your friend.

Revlon Run/WalkCreated in 1993 through the committed and collective efforts of the Entertainment Industry Foundation, Lilly Tartikoff, Ronald O. Perelman, and The Davis Group, the Revlon Run/Walk For Women has grown to become one of the nation's largest 5K fundraising events.To date, the Run/Walks (LA/NY) have distributed over 30 million dollars for cancer research, counseling, and outreach programs. Thanks in part to these funds, new treatments are being developed and lives are being saved

http://www.revlonrunwalk.com/

Make a donation or join

( you can join onesite at 7:am the day of the event).

You can contact me personally to make a donation in my name!

The LAPD is Hiring!!!

2005-05-05T17:04:00.000-07:00

They are hiring new Officer’s and have come to the problem of finding enough men and women to apply and pass.
Less than 1% of those who apply make it in so we need many to apply to hit Chief Bratton’s hiring quota of Officer’s. We need good men and women.

My husband had the honor and privilege to enter and pass the LAPD Academy about two years ago and has been a P2 since last July. He is loving his career!

There are the good and the bad but that’s part of any job or career. He has entered a family like no other and has learned what a friend and partner is.

Every kid pretends to be a Police officer at one point or another, some few will grow up to be one and continue that dream.

LAPD is pulling out all the stop’s and since we are in the land of movie’s and TV, Stars and red carpets, glitz and glamour The LAPDS has decided to join in on the action and have made short films to be shown in many Los Angeles movies theatures to reach all the millions of young men and women who will get a chance to live their dream.

You can find more info from : http://www.madblast.com/funpages/view.cfm?id=10419.

The LAPD Comes to Your Theatre
In Theatres Now
The Los Angeles Police Department’s (LAPD) breakthrough recruitment film has arrived on 95 screens in Southern California theaters. The trailer launch is part of the concentrated media campaign aimed at hiring more than 300 LAPD officers over the next six months. Directed by popular music video director J.C. Barros and produced by Weber Shandwick, the series of three action packed movie trailers is an attention grabbing effort capturing the life of police officers over a twelve hour shift.
"The wide varieties of careers available in the LAPD are brought to life on the screen in a creative, informative and entertaining manner," said Armando Azarloza, executive vice president of Weber Shandwick. "No other law enforcement agency in the world has ever attempted anything like this before. This is a new and creative approach to police recruitment and branding that will raise the bar for every major police agency in the U.S.," said Azarloza.
The recruitment trailers exemplify the officers fighting crime all around Los Angeles in some of the city's most recognizable spots - from the 6th Street Bridge downtown to the boardwalk in Venice. Each trailer is a quickly cut, musically driven representation of an LAPD officer's day. All voice over was performed by Ashton Smith, one of Hollywood's most recognized voice over artists. The LAPD supplied police cars, helicopters, props and real-life officers to work in conjunction with several professional actors cast in the film. The trailers are the latest installment of LAPD’s creative recruitment campaign that includes advertising billboards throughout the city, radio spots and a new website www.joinLAPD.com.
“The goal of the movie trailers is to get young men and women excited about a career with the LAPD and dispel the rumor that we’re in a hiring freeze,” said Lieutenant Art Miller, Officer In Charge, LAPD Recruitment and Employment Section. “Our new trailers show the real-life experiences of men and women on the force. We hope potential recruits will realize how important the LAPD is to this city and want to help us further our goal,

‘To Protect and To Serve’.”
For more information, visit the official Join LAPD website.

You may one day apply and make it into one of the top Police Academy’s in the nation.
You may even one day be my husbands partner….good luck.

Ten points for men!

2005-05-05T16:38:00.000-07:00

My husband has a subscription to men’s fitness magazine. I always read these…hey I might learn a thing or two, actually there is allot of great stuff in men’s health magazines. I remember the days of dating guy’s and being at their house and reading the articles in “It’s my room mates, I swear it” Playboy magazines even.

One thing about men’s fitness magazine is that they have a new road map for men, a man’s magazine is actually doing this great thing by trying to teach men all about…women.

You can find it at : http://www.mensfitness.com/sex/24

Where they teach men how to please their women. Well , at least in sexual ways. Now if we can just get them to add a " how to clean, cook, grocery shop" section it would be perfect.

Now our women’s magazines are half full of sexual articles all the time, but try to get a guy to read them is tough, even leaving it laid out highlighted! So now it’s in a magazine that men are not afraid to read!

Ten points for the world of men! Of course, maybe the Editor’s wife truly runs this thing=)

Secondhand Smoke

2005-05-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

"Secondhand smoke kills as many as 62,000 Americans annually from heart disease." (CalEPA, 1997).
"Measurements of the carbon monoxide (CO) concentration at a cigar party and a cigar banquet in a restaurant showed indoor CO levels comparable to those measured on a crowded California freeway."
"Some 88% of the non-smoking U.S. population has cotinine (indicator of exposure to tobacco smoke) in their blood." (Pirke et al., 1996).Tobacco smoke is as dangerous to non-smokers as firsthand smoke is to smokers themselves. The EPA has classified tobacco smoke (containing 43 carcinogens) as a Class A carcinogen - a known cause of human cancer.
The detrimental health effects of exposure to environmental tobacco smoke (ETS) are well documented and include lung cancer and coronary heart disease among adults, low birth weight and sudden infant death syndrome from exposure during and after pregnancy, and asthma, bronchitis and pneumonia in children. The EPA estimates that for between 200,000 and one million asthmatic children, exposure to secondhand smoke worsens their condition. Secondhand smoke can make healthy children less than 18 months of age sick; it can cause pneumonia, ear infections, bronchitis, coughing, wheezing, and increased mucus production. According to the EPA, secondhand smoke can lead to the buildup of fluid in the middle ear, the most common cause of hospitalization of children for an operation.

One More Week!!!

2005-05-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

May 7th Revlon Walk/jog for women!

Join the Fight!On Saturday, May 7th, I will be participating in the 12th Annual Revlon Run/Walk For Women. You can join me in the fight against women's cancers by making a donation on my behalf. Your donation will help fund important research into the cause and cure of women's cancers, prevention, education and support service programs. Every donation will help bring us one step closer to a cure.
Help me reach my goal of $2,000! All 100% Tax deductible! ( you'll get an on line receipt to print out). I have only 2 weeks to go!!!

Until a cure is found and we know that all women are safe, we must continue the fight.Save a Life, Make a Pledge.It is estimated that one in eight American women will develop breast cancer at some point in her life. In 2005, more than 211,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed, while more than 22,000 will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Behind each of these statistics is the face of a woman who needs your help -- a mother, a wife, a sister, your friend.

To date, the Run/Walks (LA/NY) have distributed over 30 million dollars for cancer research, counseling, and outreach programs. Thanks in part to these funds, new treatments are being developed and lives are being saved

http://www.revlonrunwalk.com/

Email me to learn how to make a donation in my behalf.

Marriage post of the week : Venting.

2005-04-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

Venting…

In my new marriage I am always learning. Each day is something new.

With venting I’d like to know some advice and opinions.

When you fight or argue do you vent to other people?
Do you vent to outside friends, family, the spouses family or yours? Who do you vent to?
When you vent do you tell EVERYTHING? Or keep some things private?
Do you give the whole story? Both sides?

Do you also ask for advice and how do you tell the good advice from the bad? Just what feels right?

Does any one have any books, articles or websites to suggest as well for marriage and relationship?

Thanks.

Where has all our water gone?

2005-04-26T16:34:00.000-07:00

In The Sunday’s Parade magazine this past weekend was an article bout the worlds water.

You can find the story here http://archive.parade.com/1998/0823/0823_runningdry.html

Some simple things I have learned about conserving water and do are:

Run the dishwasher only when completely full.
Wash larger loads of laundry at a time and not just one or two items
Don’t constantly run the water while washing dishes or brushing you teeth.
Take shorter showers (though I fail at this one after a long hike or a long day at work).

One line from the article that caught my eye was a quote

“In the past 50 years, nations have gone to war over oil. In the next 50, we are going to go to war over water. The crisis point is going to be 15 to 20 years from now.”

I think about how much people waste water each day and what could be done to preserve.
Growing up in the corn and what and cotton crops of Texas and not far from Texas A&M University you would think that the college would have come up with way’s to prevent losing crops during drought. I remember after a few years into a drought and cattle where dying, corn wasn’t growing and even though we have our humid air we had no moister in the ground, thinking about ways to trap rain water in the rainy season, which during those same years was flooding horribly with El Nino, to use in the dry season. Of course some amount id trapped but just not enough, not for the amount that in certain times of the year came poring down enough to carry away tree’s, cars and even houses.

Aren’t there better way’s to trap water?
What are even all the ways out there?
Can we reuse any amount of dishwater or bathwater to water plants (as long as soap isn’t too toxin?)?
Can we use water that we have boiled food or pasta in to water plants? Or would that be toxic?

I myself boil enough or steam enough food to have enough water to water my plants if it’s possible (I will keep searching and find out).

What about trapping snow? Recycling that to use during drought seasons?

Can water used to wash cars be trapped and recycled?

I believe that water could go to different sources and I believe all water could be recycled. Such as toilet water and the such go in different pipes to be trapped and cycled for uses such as farmland or to use on non-edible plants and landscape. Other water, bath, etc. could be recycled for reuse in the same way it was once before. Since originally the water is just as dirty to begin with.
When pools are drained it could defiantly be re-used for watering farms, gardens, etc.

More from the article:

“Although water sufficiency problems are not nearly as severe in the United States as in most nations, three of the fastest-growing states—California, Texas and Florida—feel the squeeze on water supplies and soon will face major difficulties. As of 1996, five of the 10 fastest-growing cities in the U.S. are in those states. It is significant that all three states, like many parts of the globe with serious shortages, have at their doorsteps huge amounts of water that still are too expensive to modify for major consumption purposes: seawater.”

And….

“

• California. Like most of the world, California has water in abundance where people are not in abundance. Three-fourths of its snow and rain fall in the northern part of the state, where one-third of the people live. Every official California water plan projects a huge gap between need and supply. California’s population will grow from 31 million today to somewhere between 48 million and 60 million in less than 40 years.
Symbolic of California’s problems is the story of Owens Lake. Early in this century, Los Angeles-area water authorities understood that they’d face problems as the population grew, so they purchased the third-largest body of water in the state, Owens Lake. Today it is called Owens Dry Lake, because L.A. has sucked it dry. But the story does not end there. When the wind blows on a dry day, particulate matter from the “lake” is sent into the air to the point that, in some places, it is 20 times as high as the maximum safety standards for air pollution. The Environmental Protection Agency rates this area the most polluted in the nation for dust particles. People in the area want Los Angeles to fill the lake again, but city officials say that would require 10 percent of their water, something they cannot afford.
Just last month, the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power finally agreed to begin a project to ensure that the air around the lake meets federal health standards by 2006. The lake will not be refilled, but 10 square miles may be covered with a few inches of water to hold down the dust, according to a Los Angeles Times report.”

From my home state:

“• Texas. Part of the problem in Texas, as in many other places, is the huge disparity in rainfall statewide. El Paso normally gets about 8 inches of rain a year, while the portion of the state along the Louisiana border receives 56 inches. Aquifers (underground water sources) are being depleted. From 1930 to 1980, water use increased twice as fast as the population. As has become painfully apparent this year, Texas has a greater likelihood of suffering severe drought than most other states. As of July, rainfall was at least 10 inches below normal for the year in east Texas and 4 inches to 10 inches below normal in most of the rest of the state.
What can be done to solve the water problem? Obviously, it’s a complex and difficult issue. Once we muster the political will to focus on it, these broad areas should be addressed:”

1) Conservation. Conserving what we have is an immediate step we can take.
2) Desalination. Efforts to convert seawater to usable water must be supported, and more must be begun.
3) Pollution and overpopulation. Both are big contributors to water shortages.

“

United Nations authorities note that 9500 children die every day from lack of water or, more frequently, from diseases caused by polluted water.”

H2ouse.orgFind out how much water you’re using with the Water Use Calculator, check out the Garden Guide for water-saving tips for green thumbs and take a virtual home tour to learn room-by-room how you can conserve more water.
Water Conserve Water Conservation PortalThe Water Conservation Portal provides daily news stories about national and global water issues, as well as links to conservation groups and a blog.

Environmental Protection Agency (EPA): WaterIn addition to providing links to sites with more tips on water conservation, the EPA offers a kids site about water and a wealth of information about drinking water and health.

It's Earth Day!!!

2005-04-22T17:56:00.000-07:00

So here’s some facts and info.

Here’s a website for kids! http://www.kidsdomain.com/holiday/earthday/

At this site , http://www.epa.gov/earthday/ , you ca:

Learn about simple things you can do around your home to reduce the environmental impacts of your everyday activities. This page includes information on how to recycle, conserve resources, avoid toxins, and practice environmentally responsible landscaping

Learn how to protect your neighborhood's natural resources. You can also access information on air and water quality in your community.

Whether you are a student looking for a school project, an environmental studies teacher or someone just interested in learning more about the environment, EPA has lots of educational resources to offer you

Learn how you and your employer can protect the environment, save money and create a healthy workplace.

Buying a new car or home appliance? Now you can access helpful information on how to choose models that will reduce pollution, save energy and money

Join the 2005 Earth Day Celebration by participating in these events and volunteer opportunities.

At his site: http://www.seekover.com/earthday2005/earthday2005.htm , you can learn 10 ways to make a difference such as :

Urban parks provide a range of benefits to communities, ranging from air and water purification to building a sense of community. Recreation opportunities in parks can help to reduce crime by offering young people activities to fill their time and building skills and self esteem. Green spaces can help attract new businesses and jobs, increase property values, and generally contribute to a better quality of life for the surrounding community. Unfortunately, in many metropolitan areas, parks and recreation opportunities are concentrated in affluent and suburban neighborhoods, while low-income, inner-city communities have inadequate and severely overcrowded public parks that offer far fewer recreational programs.
Who Is Affected?
The neighborhoods most in need of recreation opportunities and open space generally have the least parkland, the fewest facilities, and the greatest difficulties maintaining them as safe havens. Although elected officials generally declare their support for parks and recreation programs, more and better services are available to residents of suburban areas than to those who live in less affluent rural and urban areas. The single largest source of funding for parks, the federal Land and Water Conservation Fund, has faced substantial cuts in recent years, and funding for urban parks has taken a back seat to other programs as many cities struggle with reduced tax revenues and tight budgets.
What You Can Do
Work to improve conditions at your local park by joining or starting a friends of the park organization. You can find a guide to starting a park friends group on the Brookline Greenspace Alliance web site.
Look for resources through your local government or community redevelopment programs to turn an empty lot in your neighborhood into a park or community garden. Find out more about how to start a community garden from the American Community Gardening Association.
Find out where your elected officials stand on urban parks issues by attending town meetings or writing letters. You can also look for information from national and state groups that track the environmental voting records of elected officials such as the League of Conservation Voters or your state conservation voter league.
Article reprinted from Earth Day.net.

http://www.earthday.gov/ has a lot of great things to learn, including a kids section and :

The nation's air is much cleaner today than it was 35 years ago. Over the last three decades, total emissions of six principal air pollutants have decreased by more than 50 percent. Remarkably, this progress has occurred even while the U.S. Gross Domestic Product increased 176 percent, energy consumption increased 45 percent, and vehicle miles traveled increased 155 percent.
This progress will continue with implementation of the Administration’s new Clean Air Interstate Rule, the Clean Air Non-road Diesel Rule, and the President's Clear Skies legislation, which will result in a 70 percent cut in sulfur dioxide, nitrogen oxides and mercury emissions from power plants.
The trend of annual loss of wetlands has been reversed, and steady progress is being made on President Bush's Earth Day 2004 Wetlands Initiative, which will create, improve, and protect at least three million wetland acres over the next five years in order to increase overall wetland acres and quality.
Restoration and redevelopment of abandoned industrial sites known as brownfields is accelerating at a faster pace than before due to legislation supported and signed by President Bush early in his first term. Since 2001, nearly 1,200 brownfield sites have been restored, protecting public health, leveraging jobs, and revitalizing communities.
The President is meeting his commitment to reduce the National Park Service maintenance backlog. His 2006 budget request includes a $144 million increase over 2005 enacted levels for maintenance and construction at our parks, meeting his funding commitment of $4.9 billion over five years.
To find information in your zip code go to : http://california.earth911.org
You’ll also find info on :

Help prevent air pollution.
Simple things you can do to help save energy.
Saving water saves you money.

And:

Clean Boating
Air Pollution Prevention
Aluminum Can Recycling
Battery Recycling
Electronics Recycling
Energy Conservation
Environmental Glossary
Fire Prevention & Resources
Green Shopping Tips
Mercury Information
Organics & Composting
Used Motor Oil Recycling
Water Pollution & Conservation

You can learn many interesting science facts at this site: http://sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov

This site will teach you can help ! http://www.allspecies.org/neigh/block.htm

http://www.earthdayenergyfast.org/ More facts and ways to help the earth.

So read up and learn how to make this earth healthy for you and your family!!!

We all need some motivation some times…

2005-04-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

I started a hiking group that meets a couple of times a month and have recently signed up for a few walk’s for causes and my goal is to get up to jog-a-thons this fall (5K at jogging isn’t so bad).

This is a motivator for me to keep fit and work out.

I get lazy at times and tired and then there is lack of time, I even go through periods of time where I am a “Weekend Warrior”.

So a pick me up here and there, such as keeping in shape for longer and longer or even steeper hikes as well as a walk/jog for a cause helps me out…not to mention fitting myself into a dress as matron of honor at my best friends upcoming wedding!!!

Even going and buying new lingerie helps because I think about how I will look for my husband.

With summer approaching the sun still out when I get home I have had a bit more energy and this helps. I’ll be more motivated to head to the park for a run and am not thinking quite so much of bed.

I am also, most of the time, horse back riding so I have my hobby that also gives me a butt kicking work out.

I don’t work out just to stay thin and look good; I also work out for a healthy heart and for energy.
My family has a history of diabetes and heart issues. I don’t plan on that happening to me.
I want to live a long and healthy life and have energy, do all the things I love to do and enjoy my children.This is also a perk for my husband! And him keeping in shape sure doesn’t hurt any!

May 7th Revlon Walk/jog for women!

2005-04-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

Join the Fight!

On Saturday, May 7th, I will be participating in the 12th Annual Revlon Run/Walk ( walking) For Women. You can join me in the fight against women's cancers by making a donation on my behalf. Your donation will help fund important research into the cause and cure of women's cancers, prevention, education and support service programs. Every donation will help bring us one step closer to a cure.

Until a cure is found and we know that all women are safe, we must continue the fight.Save a Life, Make a Pledge.

It is estimated that one in eight American women will develop breast cancer at some point in her life. In 2005, more than 211,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed, while more than 22,000 will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

Behind each of these statistics is the face of a woman who needs your help -- a mother, a wife, a sister, your friend.

Revlon Run/WalkCreated in 1993 through the committed and collective efforts of the Entertainment Industry Foundation, Lilly Tartikoff, Ronald O. Perelman, and The Davis Group, the Revlon Run/Walk For Women has grown to become one of the nation's largest 5K fundraising events.

To date, the Run/Walks (LA/NY) have distributed over 30 million dollars for cancer research, counseling, and outreach programs. Thanks in part to these funds, new treatments are being developed and lives are being saved

http://www.revlonrunwalk.com/

Email me to make a donation or click on the link above to join!

Role models in marriage, life and parenthood.

2005-04-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

When my husband and I got engaged we decided to go through pre-marital counseling…though unfortunately due to time, we didn’t.

Thankfully family and friends helped out and sent books. One great one we got was “ As for me and my house” which is my favorite yet.
We also received all the books his grandfather, who performed our ceremony, had written himself.

We talked and asked advice and got it even if we didn’t ask for it.

But I also went through a panic stage of “ Am I going to be a good wife?”.

My husband came from a great background where he had only ever seen his parents in an argument once in his life. His parents are still happily married after 30 years.

Most of my childhood memories are of the horrible and violent fights between my parents, they divorced when I was thirteen, got back together the same year and split again when I was seventeen.

I read a book that mentioned role models for marriage and how basically a person who came from a good back ground with role models and a person who came from the opposite wouldn’t make it together…I panicked some more.

I decided to sit down and think about those people in my life, marriage and not, who had been good role models in my life, no matter how short of a time.

I had my grandparents as role models, though not perfect and only in my life for the first nine years, most of my only good childhood memories where filled with them. (Though I reunited by phone and letters with my grandmother eight months before she passed away when I was nineteen and twenty).

From them I learned patience, kindness, manners and strength as well as how sometimes you must make choices that are incredibly hard to make to do what’s best for part of the family because another part is destroying it.
I learned that sacrifices are made for loved ones. I learned that a song and rocking in a chair, that tenderness, is most important. I learned hugs and kisses where needed.
I learned the love of jazz and loved sitting on the floor at the foot of the organ or piano in their home listening to them play and sing. I learned to love “ The King and I” and special memories of their past.
I learned to care for someone who is sick (and now always feel the need for green Jell-O when I am sick).
I learned to love the beach and loved more than anything a storm on the beach and watching a full moon rise above the water.
I learned that life and marriage and family and home are not all about fighting and anger and tears.

My aunt and uncle also where put on my list. They have three grown (or almost grown) children and twenty something years of marriage on their belts. They also made sacrifices and had to cut ties with family members to protect immediate ones.
They pushed their kids in school for the best grades and after school activities.
They protected their kids through trouble and reached out their hand to bring them out of it.
They where there for me when I needed them and my aunt was at my wedding, helping along with my sister and cousin when I was feeling down because my mother wasn’t there.
I learned, by watching my aunt and my cousin, what a mother-daughter relationship should be like.

I also added a woman from my teenage years who taught our Sunday school class at church and hosted our youth group activities.
I learned how a home should not be something you are ashamed of bringing other people into. How to open your home and invite others to enjoy a day of activities and dinner. Support of their children and smiles across the room between husband and wife.
I learned to reach for your dreams and to cry on someone’s shoulder.
I learned that I don’t have to be what I was raised to be, I can be what I want to be and live a good life, better than the expectations my parents set for me.
One of my favorite memories was a trip to Alabama and we stayed at a beach house for over a week and I learned that fighting and violence all the time wasn’t normal.

Then, I met my future husband and I added him to my list as well as his parents. They where a role model of a good family, a caring family who calls each other, sends cards and it’s not a strained conversation when they do talk. A family that opened their arms and accepted me in and supports one another. A family that isn’t violent or fighting and a home that is filled with good memories and not the sadness that my childhood home is.

I also put my parents on the list, last. But as a role model of what NOT to be like in my home, life and marriage as well as eventually a parent.
I wanted to be happy, I didn’t’ want cheating and lying, drugs, drinking, violence and abuse to be a part of my life.

My uncle said “ Your mom did teach you, just do the opposite of her and you’ll be doing things right”.

So I guess I did learn something, we have to learn right from wrong, bad from good and I did.

So I sometimes struggle with a temper and I can be emotional and at times I panic but I also know what I WANT to be and I know to go and find how to be that. I work and put in the effort and make a happy life and existence, not just become a miserable person because I don’t have it or I’m too lazy to go get it or I prefer the pity of not being happy.

I am happy and yes, everyday is a struggle and I still have nightmares of ruining my Childs life. But I’m normal and my home will be normal and my marriage will be normal and my children will be brought up normal because the way of my childhood was NOT normal, and I know that now.

I won’t just wish for it either, I’ll make it happen.

Oh, and any advice is always welcome=)

I also recommend tha , even if many years into marriage, you make a list of your role models in life and why they are and what you learned from them, not just for marriage but for every aspect of life.

Memory lane/ first Anti-Date.

2005-04-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

Oh! First date’s weddings…walks down memory lane!

We met and went to dinner, closed the restaurant. Went to BJ’s and closed that. Then decided we weren’t finished talking and went to a nearby park in my neighborhood.

First of all, we started inside jokes from minute one.

“ Oh yeah, I should tell you that I’m actually a cop and I will be carrying a gun”
“ But you should feel safe with a guy who has a gun” (not if you are a wack job=)
“ Yes, it’s a gun, not that I’m NOT happy to meet you”.

Then as we where looking for a parking spot, I have this “ get to the point attitude, military style thing going on and pointed to a spot and said “ THERE”. I immediately got the “ your bossy “ thing.

Then at the park there was a pond and on the other side of the pond (mind you this is from 1:am to 5:30 am) there where some guy’s and well, I’ll admit, I couldn’t tell what they where doing and it looked odd at the side of the pond which is not a fishing type but has small fish to feed the ducks. But finally “ New Rookie cop, two months on the beat” has to “ Check it out” and “ assess the situation” and I am left in the car with a cell ready to call 911 while he literally runs from tree to tree until he is out of my site.

I fell asleep. So much for “back up”.

He comes back and tells me that the guy’s are homeless and fishing!!! He even tells me he did the tree-to-tree thing and even that whole “ TV roll” from one hiding place to another! Oh man, this is a funny one, he was also wearing all black and even a black cap.

So, now that the world was safe from homeless men fishing in slimy ponds after one in the morning we talked for hours, when we saw a lady walking her CAT we realized it was 5:30 am and then went to Denny’s where I told him (once under florescent lights) that he looked like crap.

So, we did have dinner then breakfast the next day and no…didn’t sleep together=) another inside joke.

Also, I basically had my initiation into dating an Officer with odd hours.

I had to go to work at 7:30 the next morning!

Online Dating..Thank you Yahoo!

2005-04-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

Meeting online…

When I first heard or thought of this I had thought it was for losers, those people who really where about three hundred pounds but sending each other pictures of skinny supermodels. I had thought it was for people who couldn’t get a date if they tried and still lived at the age of thirty, with their parents.

But then I had a desk job that had me working weekends for awhile and all I had to do was be there, maybe take about two calls a day but I’d be there for seven hours doing absolutely nothing. I was also new to California and had previously been in a relationship that once it broke up I cut ties with any friends I had made in California so far.

I went online to find chats, things to do and people to do them with. Not just men to date but friends, people who knew California and could show me the hotspots. Anything I could find though was frankly, sexual or the people seemed to stupid or young to get to know and in annoyance I would go back to reading a book.

Finally enough time had passed since my last relationship broke up to start thinking about dating again. I went out on a couple of dates but I found that the men I was meeting at work or in the neighborhood while walking my dog just weren’t the guy’s I wanted to date. After one un-successful blind date fixed up by a friend I decided that I was still bored at work on the weekends and jumped back online to Yahoo personals to check it out. I put up a profile and browsed a bit through the male prospects but didn’t make any contact.

The next day I checked my inbox and found that I had THREE HUNDRED replies!!!
Geesh, I thought, was I that good or what kind of women where on here? I weeded through the emails, immediately dumping any that came off strong, pathetic or pornographic and responded back to a couple. For the next few weeks I chatted online through email and instant message as well as by phone and even attempted meeting a couple in a public restaurant.

Some of the conversations I had where really great and intelligent. Many of the guy’s where in the same boat I was, being new to Cali, found chat sites stupid and decided to go the rout of Yahoo personals. In a few weeks I had over nine hundred responses alone and more icebreakers than I could count. So I asked a few guy’s I chatted with about that and they said that most women on these sites where drug users, heavy partiers, a mama with three babies under the age of five and needed a daddy or that they lived with their parents who where forcing them to get out so they where looking for a guy to shack up with. Or just plain slutty types who would sleep with five guys are a week. So I was often asked what my problem was, what was wrong with me since I had none of those issues. I seemed so great…but something’s gotta be wrong, right?

Well, I told them my faults, those I knew of. I could be bossy; growing up the oldest of eight kids could do that. I sometimes sound like a know-it-all, even my now husband says this, because I’ve been there-done that in so many different things. I’ve lived a pretty full life for my young age (twenty one at the time, nearing twenty two).
But they said that this wasn’t bad stuff…of course my now-husband jokes that they didn’t live with me!

So after a few try’s at dating I still had not found someone to be in a relationship with, but I also wasn’t looking for that at all. I was having fun, meeting new people, going out dancing and hearing local bands that where really quite good.

I saw more of what LA had to offer, shown around by guy’s who knew it well.
But then there where guy’s who would get too attached after only the second date and I basically had to have that favorite little conversation of “ it’s not you, it’s me”.

Then there was the guy who called me a “Flaming C%^T”. This memory I still laugh about and tell the story as on our first date the guy was all over me, the second date was only because I decided to give him a second chance, besides being all over me he seemed like a great guy. But the second one, though he wasn’t trying to get in my pants so much, brought along a conversation with him telling me that he didn’t want to be stuck in a relationship and wanted to be able to date other people and sleep with other people but that I wouldn’t have the same privileges as well as had to get rid of the male room mate I had renting the extra room in my house and couldn’t even talk to brothers or male cousins without him present. I’d also have to have anal sex with him and whenever he wanted it (this is where I guessed he must have a small one, though I never bothered to find out). The list went on, I had to check in with him every hour of every day and ASK before I could do anything or go anywhere!

Now, I have lived on my own since I was seventeen, lived alone in New York City for six months out of the year for four years and up and moved to California because I felt like it. I even had, earlier this same year, jumped in my car and driven to the Shasta forest area and took a job working with horses on some hick mountaintop because it was something different to do.
I do things when I want, how I want and I don’t answer to anyone, I follow the laws, am not a partier or one to experiment with drugs either. My rebellion doesn’t run the way of the usual twenty one year old but I do my own thing and I certainly don’t call to check in with a guy who I am chained too and yet he’s not even chained to me!
We stood there in my driveway after dinner while I listened quietly as he told me this, thinking BYE BYE, and then he stopped and said, “ So, it’s agreed?” I calmly chuckled and asked if he was joking, he wasn’t.

I told him of course not in a very calm voice and said good night as I turned to go (hoping my body building room mate was home in case of any trouble).
And he starts yelling at me that I am an immature baby and he couldn’t believe I was refusing, yadayadayada. I couldn’t believe he was for real.

I walked away and into my home (where, thankfully, my bodybuilding room mate was) and left the guy standing in the driveway.
The next few weeks I was basically stalked, but thankfully it was online and not in person or any other means. I kept having crazy messages calling me all these names (including my favorite, Flaming C*&T) and calling me childish and immature for my response…. umm, I thought it was the other way around but that’s just me.

Thankfully the bozo finally went away (after blocking his emails, etc). And I did continue with my online dating experience which otherwise went very well.

Then the day came when I checked my messages and there was the one guy’s reply that didn’t gush “ I love your picture, you look like a model, I love your profile, you sound so intelligent” crap that I had mostly been getting. I more of “ You misspelled intelligent, you look pissed off in the one picture but the one where you are smiling is really good and more natural”.

And well, I must say that I fell in love with the sweet writing of his profile as well as the hunk of a man in the pictures with a big Jack Nicholson kinda smile.

We ended up emailing, instant messaging and talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before making an “ anti-date” for dinner.

Well, that date went on for ages, dinner, then a drink at another place, then the park for hours on end then Denny’s.

It also led to a relationship, engagement, and marriage.

I still didn’t tell people I had met him online until after the wedding.

So we joke now about the way we met, how we have still failed at having an Anti-date since he kissed me on the first date. (Something about the sideways look and smile and something I did with my eyebrows that made him forget about us being on an anti-date).

Let me explain real quickly: An Anti-Date is a date where it’s for meeting people; hang out, no expectations, not looking to find your soul mate, etc.

We failed…

But we are happy, and though we are enemies if the socks don’t get picked up we are also companions in life, lovers and best friends.
In a life when life can often be consumed by work, sleep and cleaning house or errands or the people that you meet in daily life are not the ones you want to actually spend any personal time with, online dating can work for you.

Spend ing$50 million to take food out of families mouths.

2005-04-18T15:25:00.000-07:00

By circumventing the legislature, Schwarzenegger is relying on Hollywood magic to woo voters still angered over a mishandled budget. While trolling around Sacramento in his Humvee “Reform 1,” Schwarzenegger employs his celebrity to manipulate the issue and garner signatures. By ignoring our concerns, the Governor continues to mislead our State, and jeopardize the financial futures of our families. We cannot allow the Governor to gain political ground and get this initiative on the ballot. The Governor has a fat wallet and is expected to spend over $50 million dollars for the pension campaign. Perhaps the Governor should invest that money on civic programs that would truly benefit the community, rather then a pension plan that only benefits his political ego.

Tell your friends, family, and neighbors about the dangers of the Governor’s pension initiative. Encourage aggressive Pension opposition and REFUSE to sign any ballot petition. Our community needs to speak in a loud and unified voice that echoes in the halls of our State Capitol. Together we can ensure that our voices are heard and successfully terminate the Governator’s proposal of true lies.

LAPD.net

Visit www.LAPD.com

What will be left?

2005-04-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

Feel-good LAPD policy does nothing to make Los Angeles safer Thursday, April 14, 2005 -

In Los Angeles, we trust cops to protect us from the most hardened of criminals. We trust them with the safety of our children. We trust them to patrol our streets and uphold our laws.

But apparently we can't trust them with a full-size flashlight. That seems to be the message from the Police Commission, which has acceded to Chief William Bratton's request to buy lightweight flashlights -- at a cost of $500,000 -- for all Los Angeles Police Department officers. The move, opposed by the union representing LAPD cops, comes in the wake of the televised flashlight-beating of car-theft suspect Stanley Miller.

The change in flashlight policy is only another step in a long series of "reforms" to take away cops' ability to subdue violent suspects.

The commission imposed a moratorium on chokeholds back in the 1980s. So cops started using their batons, but in the 1990s, after the Rodney King fiasco, the LAPD severely restricted its officers' ability to use them.

Now, when faced with an unruly suspect, a cop has neither the chokehold, the baton nor even a hefty flashlight, which leaves him or her with what means of self-defense? The gun.

This is supposed to reduce the use of excessive force? And in a city with a Police Department as woefully short-handed as the LAPD, does it make sense to spend a half-million dollars buying 10,000 new flashlights, rather than hiring five new cops or providing better training so officers do a better job of dealing with difficult situations?

Leaving police officers outnumbered and inadequately outfitted is no way to make the city -- or the brave men and women protecting it -- any safer.

LAPD.com

Ameria over-does it...

2005-04-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

Here is an absolute great article that I read and loved as what the author says about us American’s “overdoing it” is so true!

http://www.nrdc.org/onearth/02win/9steps1.asp

A peice from the article reads...
“To fund all our excess, Americans work more than anyone else. Each year, we spend twelve more weeks at our desks than those bon vivant Norwegians. We've even pulled ahead of the Japanese, the only people ever to feel the need to coin a word for "keeling over and dying from overwork."
"Simplify!" you can almost hear Thoreau muttering from his grave. "Simplify!"

The time it takes...

2005-04-15T09:41:00.000-07:00

Below I have posted a chart supplied by the UBC Waste Management that hsows how long it takes for certain materials to disinigrate.

I don’t drink soda’s so aluminum can’s are not an issue and very rarely tin cans ( maybe about one a month at most) but glass jars are at times an issue and plastic water bottles as well for me. My clothes are donated to be used again at woman’s shelters so they are at least reused as much as posable.
I have stoppped using plastic bags at the grocersy stores but times at a mall or bookstore may still happen. For this I bought a cloth bag that I can resuse forever.
I don’;t eat out often but when I now eat in the cafetaria at my office I eat it there instead of to go so as not to use the to-go containers.
I use a regular coffee cup at the office instead of the styrofoam cups which could add up to abouit 5 a day.
I don’t smoke so no need to worry about the butt’s.
Are the orange peels good fertilizer like in compost? ( I live in an apartnent so do not have compost myself).
The 6 pack plastic holder rings was a shocking amount of years to disinigrate but I don’t use those either.

If anyone has an alternative to what I do use ( such as plastic water bottles) please feel free to share.

Product Time it takes

Cotton Rags 1-5 months
Paper 2-5 months
Rope 3-14 months
Orange Peels 6 months
Wool Socks 1-5 years
Cigarette butts 1-12 years
Plastic coated

paper cartons 5 years
Plastic bags 10-20 years
Leather shoes 25-40 years
Nylon fabric 30-40 years
Tin cans 50-100 years
Aluminum cans 80-100 years
Plastic 6-pack

holder rings 450 years
Glass bottles 1 million years
Plastic bottles Never

Table from UBC Waste Management

The Effects of Smoking and Drinking and Drugs…

2005-04-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

Neither my husband nor I have ever even tried drugs or smoking at all. Our extent of drinking is about maybe six drinks a year at most.

I have never had any desire to even try drugs or smoking cigarettes and having grown up with parents who did both of those things helped with that decision I suppose but mostly is it that I feel there is no point. I know and see what drugs can do to you. I see that smoking ages and discolors and causes heart disease and cancers.
Cigarette’s also stink and discolor the walls and furniture of a home. It’s ugly and unattractive and no, it’s not cool.
Drugs lead down a whole other path in life and I have never known a person who was happy with their lives or themselves that did drugs, and I’ve known allot of people who did them all my life. I saw mothers who would let their child go hungry or shoeless to buy their fix. I saw children born into this world with cocaine racing through their system…cocaine only lasts in a persons system for three days, this means the mother had to have done some with in three days of giving birth.

Alcohol was another part of my life growing up, my parents as well as their friends and other family.
In this I saw people hit those they claimed to love, I saw tempers turn violent and I saw body’s deteriorate. I saw people make mistakes and do things they wouldn’t otherwise do. I saw people use drinking as an excuse. I saw people who drank because they where happy and drank because they where not. I saw people drink to solve their problems or find gut’s to do something. I saw people hit their children.

These three things also age you, ruin your skin and your organs and health.

So why do people drink, smoke or do drugs?

Then to top it off, here are some facts:

“Cigarette filters take about five years to disintegrate. Also, since the purpose of the filter is to collect the toxins in the cigarette, it creates a tiny package of toxic substances that's harmful to wildlife and fish. Winter rains leach out the toxins, which end up in the creek, poisoning the fish and other aquatic life.” www.friendsofbidwellpark.org

Though I have also read and heard up to twentyfive years as well.

"Worldwide, 47 percent of men and 12 percent of women smoke a total of 6 trillion cigarettes a year. In the U.S., 600 billion cigarettes are smoked every year." (World Health Organization, 1999).
"About four million people die worldwide each year as a result of smoking. In the United States, tobacco use is responsible for nearly one in five deaths, killing more than 400,000 Americans each year. This is more than the number of people who would die every year if three jumbo jets crashed each day with no survivors." www.oralcancerfoundation.org

“In the next hour, 50 people will die because of tobacco. Tobacco is a risk factor for some 25 diseases, and while its effects on health are well known, the scale of its impact on global disease may not be fully appreciated. Tobacco as a risk factor is expected to make a greater claim on health than any single disease. The World Health Organization (WHO) reports the worldwide death toll from tobacco use is 4 million annually. This is far greater than the number of fatalities from all illegal drugs and alcohol combined. The death toll is expected to rise to 10 million per year by the 2020's or early 2030's, with 7 million deaths occurring in developing countries. The WHO estimates that there are approximately 1.1 billion regular smokers in the world, which is one-third of the global population aged 15 years and older.
Nationally, tobacco contributes to about one-third of U.S. cancer, one-quarter of heart disease and about 400,000 premature deaths each year. Tobacco is a known cause of lung, bladder, mouth, pharyngeal, pancreatic, kidney, stomach, laryngeal, and esophageal cancer. About ten million people in the U.S. have died from causes attributed to smoking and tobacco use (including heart disease, emphysema, and other respiratory diseases) since 1964. Two million of these deaths were the result of lung cancer alone. Tobacco is the most global cause of cancer, and it is preventable. Despite widespread knowledge of the risk that tobacco exposure and use poses, it is single-handedly responsible for wide spread disease, rampant drug addiction, an alarming death rate, substantial economic burden and reduction of the quality of life worldwide. “Oral cancer & tobacco
"When tobacco and alcohol use are combined, the risk of oral cancer increases 15 times more than non-users of tobacco and alcohol products."
"Oral cancer can literally wipe the smile off your face…"
Studies indicate that there is a definitive link between the use of tobacco products and the development of oral cancer. One study conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, found that more than eight out of ten oral cancer patients were smokers.
Approximately 30,000 new cases of oral cancer are diagnosed in the U.S. each year. More than 8,000 people die from oral cancer each year in the U.S. Oral cancer represents about 4 percent of all cancers and 2.2 percent of all cancer deaths in the U.S. In the western world in general, oral cancer accounts for 2-6 percent of all malignancies. In Asia, oropharyngeal cancer is the leading cancer in men, and in Africa and Asia it is the third most frequent cancer site in women. The average five-year survival rate of patients with oral cancer is about 50 percent. This is primarily due to late detection of the disease. Early detection and prevention are the key to fighting this deadly disease.
Tobacco products, heavy use of alcohol and particularly the combined use of both, have been implicated as the main causes of oral cancer. A typical high-risk profile for oral cancer is male, over age 40, who uses tobacco and/or heavy alcohol. However, the male-female ratio has dropped from 6 to 1 in 1950 to about 2 to 1 at present. About 95 percent of all oral cancers occur in persons over 40 years of age. The average age at the time of diagnosis is about 60. For preventive purposes, it is significant that oral cancer is largely a "lifestyle" disease, meaning the majority of cases are related to tobacco and alcohol use. This usage can be affected by proper education, counseling and treatment. “www.oralcancerfoundation.org

“Each year since 1994, alcohol-related traffic deaths have hovered between 16,000 and 17,000, while the percentage of highway deaths that have been alcohol-related has stagnated at about 40 percent." In addition to the shocking death toll, an estimated 600,000 other people are injured each year in alcohol-related crashes. At the current level of drunk driving in America, about three in every 10 Americans will be involved in an alcohol-related crash in their lifetimes, according to U.S. DOT. While the problem is not making headlines, there is no doubt that drunk driving remains a serious issue.” www.drivingtoday.com

How to fight....

2005-04-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

I found this following article at: www.suite101.com under newlywed life and thought I’d share as my marriage topic of the week.

“Let’s get ready to rumble! The idea for this article came from a reader named Tiffany. She wanted to know how often other newlywed couples fight and how they deal with it. This week’s poll is about this same topic. In this article, I will give you a glimpse of how my husband Jason and I handle the occasional argument.

1. Go ahead. It's O.k. to argue once in a while.

“We never fight…” We have all heard that one. I have even said it myself before. Jason and I rarely argue, but when we do, I feel like we have accomplished something. I know you are probably thinking that nothing can be accomplished by arguing. Well, I am going to argue that…hee-hee. People who are not arguing at all, are most likely holding something back. By arguing, the right way, you can express how you feel. You can say things that you have been dying to say. You can vent…Calmly and intelligently. Make your case in a productive way. Don’t yell, scream, bite, or throw. Sit down face to face and talk it out. Make a list of your concerns and a list of possible solutions. Toss out any solutions your spouse cannot live with. By doing this, each of you can participate in the solution making process.

2. Be reasonable.

“I am just too emotional…” Let me tell you something; I am the Queen of emotion. Over the past couple of years I have been able to overcome this a bit with the help of my husband and by doing something positive with my emotion, such as writing. Women fight from the heart. We fight with feelings, not with facts. I have often cried and shouted, “But I really want that new car!”.

Jason would look at me and say, “You want it, but you don’t need it and we simply can’t afford a new car right now.”

Men fight with fact. But we women don’t care a bit for fact. We want feeling and passion. If you look at the situation with a clear and level head, you’ll see that fighting with feeling isn’t a good idea. If your spouse gives into your crying and fussing, you may end up with what you wanted, but you’ll also end up with the consequences that go along with it. In my case, that would be a high car payment. Lucky for me, I gave up on the car thing and saw his point of view. Now, a year later, we are in a better position to get a new car and I really do need one.

3. Have a little faith.

"We don't share the same religious views..." This point may step on a few toes. It is only an observation of people I know and an observation of my own relationship. Take it with a grain of salt. Couples who share the same faith, whatever it may be, seem find more comfort in each other. By sharing the same religious views, you can pray together and have faith that the situation will be resolved peacefully together. Another plus to sharing the same faith is attending a worship service together. I feel so close to my husband during our church services. We hold hands and take notes of things to talk about together after the service. It's peaceful. Also, couples who share a religious view that teaches divorce as a last resort are more likely to stay together. They find other, more creative ways, to solve their marital problems. Our church, for instance, offers free marital counseling. Our Pastor will even visit your home. If you are in need of some counseling; you will be surprised how many places of worship will open their doors and help you.

4. Share a hobby.

"My husband stays up all night playing video games..." This is a direct quote from me! I used to get so mad when Jason would stay up late playing video games! Finally, I decided to see what was so great about his beloved Playstation. Now I am hooked too! We get pretty competitive. Now that I have taken more of an interest in his favorite hobby, he buys games he thinks I'll like and helps me out on games I am stuck on. It's fun to share a hobby with your spouse. Now, if only he would take up scrap booking! Just kidding. Be realistic ladies.

Well, I hope some of this has been helpful to you. If you have any additional questions or comments, feel free to email me at kellysmarried@suite101.com or post it on the discussion board. Thanks for reading! "

I have to admit that I am emotional; I go from being mad to crying. I was once a very cold person and at times my husband says I still can be, that I “ turn off “my emotions.

When these fight are over we often realize that they are so stupid and small and didn’t warrant the time and emotion given, though other times they do as well.
My husband and I are still “learning” how to fight with each other, keep things controlled and not get mean as can happen and things are said that are not meant.

My husband used to always brings up “ I only saw my parents fight once”.

I had always said, “ They only let you see it once, that doesn’t mean in thirty years of marriage that they only fought once”.

I had this conversation with his mom one day and told her that he said that and she replied “ oh, no, he may have only seen it once but it did happen more often then that!”

She also said that with me her son had finally met his match and between the two of us stubborn people we would often butt heads. The advice though was to “learn” how to fight with each other, how to handle things properly.

We are learning, by trial and error of course. We are both incredibly stubborn as his mom said and hell, I’m from Texas…always ready for a war right?

We do share the same religion, though at the current time it’s the “we believe but don’t go to church” religion.

Hubby has tried getting me to play X-box with him…I just hate it, bored to tears. But I have no problem at all with him playing it, as long as the timing is right. He works from about 3 in the afternoon until 3 in the morning so he has time when I am at work on weekdays (when most of his days off are) before I get home at 7:30 and time at night after I go to bed between about ten pm and three am.

He doesn’t like hiking…at all!

Horses fascinate him but it’s not really his thing and he lives vicariously through me on that one.

But on occasion we do work out together, explore Barns and Noble, walk through the mall, go see a movie, read curled up together or watch movies at home and more.

One thing I do is asked advice…and listen.
So feel free to share your advice in handling fights.

A letter to a friend...

2005-04-12T14:12:00.000-07:00

Life…

When a life is coming to it’s end, by old age, it can be a difficult pill to swallow.
Retirement often depresses those who have been hardworking all their lives and up into their late age worked full time.
Now the time comes when the work is suddenly too stressful and it’s time to take that long vacation you worked so hard for and so much deserve, retirement.

You have worked from the time you left your childhood and you have raised a family, put children through college and seen grandchildren enter the world and now even they enter college and the life of a working adult.

You have accomplished many things, as you look back, your family that you have built and taken care of and provided for, taught how to live in the world and given them the tools needed to survive and have their own lives and families and careers.

You saw your children grow from little eight-pound bundles into a grown and respectful man or woman with children of their own.
You’ve sent them parenting themselves and learning from mistakes as they go.
You saw them transition from childhood to adulthood to parenthood.

Now you have entered the part of your life that brings older age, retirement and a much needed rest and payment for years of hard and successful work. You get to sit back and enjoy life, hobbies, family, traveling, the grandkids and weddings.

Yet, you are depressed, you struggle with letting go of work and yet you struggle now at work, not able to keep up and so on, God is telling you to take your rest and you are fighting it every step of the way.
You look at life with sadness; look at these years being “the end”.

Instead of looking at life like I mentioned above, the rest and vacation much earned, time with your family and time to travel to them all as they have spread out across the lands.
Time to enjoy hobbies and perhaps start back to things you once did but in years of parenthood and adulthood career, you look at life and seeing that your years are short on this land you are depressed and sad and not happy with your life at the moment.

But we must all go sometime, and if you believe in God you believe in the Heaven, the home that God has prepared for you. You are truly just closing the chapter in your book and turning to another.
There is nothing you can do about death or facing it. Some people don’t get the knowledge that their life will soon end but some lives end after years on earth when the body is old and the spirit is ready to shed it for the next chapter.

So why depressed? Would you rather not know that the end is near? Would you rather have died young and before “ your time”? Before you raised your children, married your best friend and worked a successful career? Before you learned what you loved in life and traveled and spent time enjoying the grand earth made for you?

In knowing that your end is near and due to old age you have the knowledge that you survived this world, survived tests God gave you and strengthened your soul.
You have the knowledge that your time on earth is finished and that life was not cut short for you. Your loved ones have the knowledge that it was your time and not the feeling or belief that you where taken before your time. You have the knowledge that you raised a good family, did your job on earth and that it is your time for the next step in the great plan that God has for you.

Death of old age, when your time has come, is not something to be depressed about or even afraid, God is there, God planned this for you long before you where born. It is time to reap the benefits of hard work and take that long vacation, spend more time with the family.

If you live each day after a certain age or time depressed and “oh, me, I am coming to my end anytime now” you will age yourself faster and lose precious years, your last day will come and you will look back with regret that you didn’t enjoy the past five or so years but spent them walking through a dark depression and you will wish for that time back to make it right, to take the chance to enjoy what was given to you to enjoy.
You will wish that you had made it easier for your family, that their last memories of you where happy ones and not pulled down to share in your depression.

If you knew that tomorrow was your last day on earth, and there’s not a thing you could do about it, would you want to sulk in depression or would you want to enjoy every last minute to it’s fullest?

I wake up every morning and thank God for the new day and the many blessings and answered prayers received. But not in fear for this being my last day or a day closer to death. It’s not fair to yourself, to your family or to God.
Enjoy these last years to the fullest.

Victoria's Dirty Little Secret.

2005-04-11T23:00:00.001-07:00

I love Victoria’s Secret, and in our new marriage, so does my husband!

But I found this site on their dity little secret through another blog :
(http://getvegan.com/blog/blogger.php) and info and the fact that Victoria’s secret produces 1,000,000 a DAY! And is destroying our rain forests.

I agree with this as when I order online I am then bombarded with catalogs in my mail, I mean, I must get about four a month and they are all the same!
Since I order in the store or online I never use the catalog.

I would think that one every season would be enough. Maybe 2-4 a year but not as many as I was getting (until I put a stop to it and those I did get I recycled).

Also, why don’t they use recycled paper?

This would save them customers and from having a website like this about them.

Come on people, even McDonalds is trying to accommodate healthy eating…the least you can do is trim back the amount of paper used and use recycled paper.

(http://www.victoriasdirtysecret.net/)

Our Children...

2005-04-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

Here’s an article for parents or eventual parents out there everywhere though I think much of this can also be towards Office working adults as well.

http://www.nrdc.org/onearth/01fal/livgreen.asp

A piece form the article…
“Per pound of body weight, growing children breathe more, eat more, and drink more than adults, which makes them little walking sponges for environmental contaminants”/

Join the Fight!

2005-04-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

Join the Fight!

On Saturday, May 7th, I will be participating in the 12th Annual Revlon Run/Walk ( walking) For Women. You can join me in the fight against women's cancers by making a donation on my behalf. Your donation will help fund important research into the cause and cure of women's cancers, prevention, education and support service programs. Every donation will help bring us one step closer to a cure. Until a cure is found and we know that all women are safe, we must continue the fight.

Save a Life, Make a Pledge.It is estimated that one in eight American women will develop breast cancer at some point in her life. In 2005, more than 211,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed, while more than 22,000 will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Behind each of these statistics is the face of a woman who needs your help -- a mother, a wife, a sister, your friend.

Revlon Run/WalkCreated in 1993 through the committed and collective efforts of the Entertainment Industry Foundation, Lilly Tartikoff, Ronald O. Perelman, and The Davis Group, the Revlon Run/Walk For Women has grown to become one of the nation's largest 5K fundraising events. To date, the Run/Walks (LA/NY) have distributed over 30 million dollars for cancer research, counseling, and outreach programs. Thanks in part to these funds, new treatments are being developed and lives are being saved

www.revlonrunwalk.com

“Be part of Los Angeles’ biggest fundraiser for women’s cancers; distributing nearly $32 million in the past 11 years. Join over 50,000 men, women, and children at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on Saturday, May 7th – Mother’s Day Weekend – in an amazing, life-affirming display of support for the women in our lives.”

Experience the continued hope provided by cutting-edge medical breakthroughs funded from Run/Walk proceeds. Witness the tremendous courage of thousands of cancer survivors who are walking in celebration of life. And feel the strength of thousands united by the power of a common dream – to keep the women we love safe from cancer

The 5K course begins under a sea of confetti as survivors, loved ones, and friends start out shoulder to shoulder in support of the women they love. You’ll complete your Revlon Run/Walk For Women experience by running or walking through the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum tunnel onto the Olympic field. Hundreds of volunteers and grateful friends will greet you with a medallion as you cross the finish line.

You can run, walk or volunteer. Whatever you do you’ll be glad you joined in this important fight against women’s cancers.

You can email me for info. I have not joined a team but would like to put my own together.

To his health and to mine.

2005-04-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

This would fall under marriage and health and issue.

I once posted on a site for wives of cop’s and asked if their husbands kept in shape and if they did to and if they ever worked out together, etc.

Now, none of these where LAPD Officer’s and wives, they where spread out all over the states. All of them said that their husbands where out of shape and so where they and that with kids or working they had no time to stay in shape.

I was simply appalled by this.

My husband and I joke and call each other “ Each other’s Investment”.
When we married we where both a certain weight and form, through life and children that will change …but only to a point. I will not let myself get fat and he won’t let himself get fat, it’s not fair to each other, our children to have unhealthy parents who have no energy to play with them and it’s not fair to ourselves.

It’s not all about weight either, it’s about health, heart disease and Diabetes which runs in both of our families. We even want to be healthy against cancers of which both of our family’s history has as well.

We have subscriptions to several health and fitness magazines which give us both insight and are filled with articles and tip’s for healthy eating, not just for weight loss but for good health all around.

We are big fan’s of Paul Chek as well and I have been coming across more articles and findings about women’s health for themselves and their child that starts years before getting pregnant, which makes since if you think about the fact that an unhealthy person is more likely to incubate an unhealthy child.

My husband recently learned that he had high blood pressure and his diet and exercise is well so it was mostly due to stress but we did make a few adjustments as in not using salts and oil’s so much (even though we already try not to) and he jumped up his work out’s a bit too, fitting in more cardio workout’s.

I actually gained weight right before the wedding, ten pounds, due to stress and lack of time of wedding planning in three short months, but lost it soon after. I have since gained back about five of them due to plain laziness and that goes for working out as well as eating habits.
I have, however, jumped back on the wagon and with the sun still shining by the time I get home I have more energy and working out in the evenings is easier now when before it was impossible because I would get home and it would be so dark after a long day of work and I had only a few hours to cook and eat dinner, clean up the house, shower and relax a little before bed. I do get up early enough to work out in the mornings for about forty-five minutes but there are lazy times in that too, especially if I happened to get to bed late the night before.
So I am still trying to find my perfect timing and scheduling for myself, I am working for sticking to a forty-five minute workout in the mornings and a twenty –thirty minute on in the evenings and then on weekends I hit the park with jogging or the hills with hiking. I even started a hiking group that meets a couple times a month for motivation that at times is needed.

I also usually ride horses, training etc. but currently and for the last couple of months I’ve slowed that down due to losing the horse I was leasing because of the owner deciding to breed her. I’ll start again by June but currently am filling my time getting a few other projects done that take up my weekends…like finally getting my wedding thank you notes sent out after more than six months!
I’m finishing the scrapbooks I made for our wedding and our wedding scrapbook itself and now have added two new ones to do.
I’ve decorated our patio and catching up on reading and studying as well as career training and research. This blog and writing, spending time with my husband, regular chores and grocery’s and working out, working full time, three hours a day traveling (by bus and subway) and more.

So life is busy but my husband and I are big on balance so it takes trying things in different ways and figuring it out.

But for all the working out, eating healthy, running air purifier’s in our home, etc. I hope to be a long living and healthy wife, sister, daughter, friend and mother.
The motivation my husband gives me and that I give him is great and I’m also relieved to know that my “investment” cares about me as much as I care about him and that frankly, no, I really don’t want to be married fat an overweight, diabetic fat man who dies of a heart attack in his forty’s. And I’m sure he appreciated that he gets the same train of thought from me and that I care about myself, not just for him, but for myself as well.

To our health.

The Plastic Bag...

2005-04-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

Reading through and searching for info I came across this article: http://www.nrdc.org/onearth/03sum/bag.asp.

I know exactly where the writer comes from as I do my part so as not to use plastic or paper and take along to the store a small cart, one of those you see at the farmers market, being pushed by little old ladies. Well at twenty-three you’ll see me pushing that around town, to the farmers market and to the grocery store.I put things directly into the cart and not into bags. This cuts down on bags and mess in my house as well as bags used to destroy the environment.

I on occasion end up using a paper bag when my cart over flows and I carry them on top of the rest of the load on the cart but I plan on getting some of those cloth bags from Trader Joes this weekend when I saw how many of the paper bags I can end up going through, in the meantime I recycle them.

Also, walking to the farmers market a couple of blocks away and to the grocery store a few blocks saves gas, money and polluting the air.

Your own time.

2005-04-06T15:50:00.000-07:00

Not all hobbies have to be the same.

My husband and I are VERY alike on many subjects and then there are subjects that we are VERY different. But this gives us much to talk about and learn about each other as well as is often something that we find interesting in the other person.

My poor hubby is the type that scorches in the slightest bit of sunlight; in fact, I am convinced I married a vampire. This actually is one good reason for him to work nights.
Much of his family is the same, they can’t stand the heat or sun and their fair freckled skin turns tomato red in no time.

I have light skin even though I’m of mixed origin and I try not to tan and use plenty of sun block to help prevent skin cancer. But the sun loves my skin and if I let myself I could turn a nice golden brown, actually I can get dark enough to look like a light haired Native American or Spanish person in no time.

I come from Houston Texas, tropical humidity and heat and hubby comes from Northern California.

I am the outdoors type, hiking, horseback riding, parks, and beaches.

Hubby much prefers things to do indoors.
Working out in front of Star Trek on the TV is preferred to sweating up in the hills while hiking.

We talk about places we want to travel to and all of mine are national parks, outdoors places and his are all city and indoors.

But we work around each other’s hobbies quite well and still have a few we share.

Not everything we do, as a new married couple has to be together.

With our schedules we also both can easily arrange our hobbies around each other as well.

On weekends that he is off I can do things in the mornings and spend the afternoon with him. Even days he works I can spend lunchtime with him. Weekdays that he is off he plays X-Box and all when I’m asleep since he goes to bed at about 3:am or while I’m at work from the time he wakes up around noon until I get home in the evening.

On evenings he works I have time to myself for whatever I want to do without him.

Then our evenings together on days he is off and after I get home from work or the few weekends off a month that he has we get to do the things together that we both like to do and spend time together.

It’s all good and us both being independent people really helps. Being an independent woman who can easily entertain myself and is not clingy also helps in a marriage to a cop and in the long run, causes a lot less stress from long shifts and night alone.

I was talking to another wife the other day and we both agreed that we don’t understand those wives who “can’t sleep at night worrying about their husbands or in the bed alone” etc.

Hell, we both agreed we enjoyed taking up all the space on the bed, something my husband says I do with or with out him in it though!

But having our own hobbies and being able to enjoy our “me” time as I call it, helps keep me from being a needy wife that nag’s her husband to spend more time with her and helps me from becoming bitter and lonely at times which I hear about a lot.

Any marriage or relationship needs space apart from each other and it is healthy to be able to do things on your own.

I often wonder what many of these people did before marriage or their relationship!

But there is compromise as well. If you hobby takes up all of you’re off time and leaves you with no time at all for your family then it’s time to adjust.

I hear about many husbands who play X-box for hours and their wives complain that they don’t get any attention. In a cop’s schedule you should easily be able to find time when your wife is out shopping, working, busy with something else, her own hobby or sleeping if you work nights and stick with your schedule on off days.

Like I said, we work around each others work and sleep schedules and it works out great, leaving hours to do things on our own and the other person does not miss out on our company and time.
What are some of your and you spouses hobbies?

Then comes the baby carriage...not yet!

2005-04-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

New marriage and half way into our new year now.

One thing that we luckily don’t get much of from our family is “ when are you going to give us grandbabies”. His parents just haven’t brought it up or are the kind to push us into it as well as are very understanding of our decisions and timeframe to wait and the reasons for it. My mom doesn’t want to be called Grandma yet.

My many sisters on the other hand are already asking when they will get some nieces or nephews and then when we gather with friends, some of who are still in their first early years of marriage and some of who are pregnant, it is often a question or topic of conversation that comes up.

We are first off, in no rush.

During our engagement we sat down and talked about our “plans” and our future. This of course can change as is human nature but we at least could see what page each of us was on.

Our decision was that at the age of twenty three (only 2 days before the wedding actually) and his young age on the shady side of his mid twenties, where we where with our careers and our lives, living situation and what we wanted to accomplish before children, we decided to wait about 5-8 years before we had children, basically between the time I’m twenty eight and thirty three we will have our two kids.

Also, we decided on two…then he gets gelded…um, I mean fixed, I mean….whatever!

We both seem to be completely on the same page and though we also both have a strong parental urge and when we see a cute kid we gush about having one but then joke about it being in five years or so.

We our happy that we are waiting. For one, we are in our newlywed time of not wanting to share our each other too much. Even at parties and dinners out we can’t wait to get back home, just the two of us. Even if all we do is read and hold hands, be close to each other.

He also joked that he was happy our first year of marriage wasn’t hormonal (well, more than the usual) such as if we got pregnant on our honeymoon and then all he would think his wife was forever on was a hormonal B&^%.

We are also spending our first years settling into living together, and this, let me tell you, takes some getting used to. I was joking at a party the other night about getting my own Tazer at home and when asked why I said “ PICK UP THOSE SOCKS” and that was enough for everyone to know why I wanted one and what I would use it for!

We are learning to adjust to having to share every space in our home and many accepts of our life, be responsible for someone else and in a way answer to someone, I mean not answer but yes, we tell each other what we are up to in life here or there. I don’t exactly go hiking around in the hills for hours without telling someone where I’m going.

We are also adjusting to not always getting our way at times and having to care about someone else on a regular daily basis.

Now add that by a million and we would have a kid. We figure baby steps are the way to go, first each other, and then get used to a wiggly little critter….a dog, then we’ll get a baby, I mean, HAVE a baby!

Besides that, the new career as an LAPD Officer (2 years now) and my own career building climb up the ladder doesn’t call for a child, as well as we have school and horse training, etc.
We can’t afford a house or even a larger apartment unless we live in a worse area and we enjoy the place we are at now. We are also still spending our extra money on comic books and X-box games (him, not me) and books and horses, etc.

Hell, I’m even into still buying sexy lingerie for my new hubby! Speaking of which, by the way, what is up with places lie Victoria Secrets barely selling anything sexy or nice? It’s all single girl cutesy pajama’s and FLANNEL stuff!!! Ok, give me longer than six month before I’m wearing flannel!

So I am glad that we took the step to talk about this before marriage because waiting until after your married, thinking you are on the same page and the wait would be five years but then right after the marriage one of us decides it has to be NOW would be a marriage breaker in my book, not to mention career’s and bank account breakers in some cases and to a point.

My husband and I are on the same page…I like that.

Dear Readers.

2005-04-04T17:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

Often when some of my new posts come up that mention Law Enforcement or the LAPD or when I had a post in the LA Times in March I often get feed back.

Some of that feedback is very good, intelligent and encouraging and even thanks.

But I also get bad feedback. And if you don’t agree with my opinion you have every right to say so, as this is my blog I can say what I choose and post my own opinions and if you comment or email you are free to do the same.

But I must ask you to at least send an intelligent and non-belligerent email or comment and not one such as I have gotten like “ LAPD sucks!” and that’s it.

If you have an opinion, state it and then back it up with facts, reason and explanation.

When you send something as boring as “ Cop’s suck” or “ your opinion is stupid” and nothing else then there really wasn’t a point to your email or comment. This makes you sound belligerent and un-intelligent and well, like the pot-smoking imbecile that you likely are.

I am happy to post guests posts to debate with or hear your comments but I would like to at least not feel as if the world is falling completely apart and that those of you who would like to send a comment that is controversial to my own opinion are not truly just plain stupid.

Please sound like you know what you are talking about, have a reason and back up your opinion with facts and examples.

Thank you,
I Have His Back

Woman women at risk fact sheet.

2005-04-01T16:39:00.000-08:00

Young women at risk -- Fact sheet

· 92% of girls in the juvenile justice system are victims of abuse.
· 62 % of incarcerated girls reported suffering physical abuse, most before the age of 15.
· Incarcerated women and girls do not routinely pursue healthcare prior to their arrest and are frequently involved in high risk from IV drug use, prostitution, and/or relationships which include violence.
· Over 50% of teenage girls are sexually active, resulting in more than a million pregnancies each year.
· Nationally, about 678,500 girls were arrested in 1994, about 25% of all juvenile arrests, and 87% are charged with status offenses, including running away, truancy, drinking while underage, and violating curfews. Just three years later, 1997, the numbers increased to 723,000 arrests for girls.
· Girls are more than twice as likely to be detained before a Hearing and are detained on average three-to-five times longer than boys.
· A study of incarcerated women in three states indicated that 26% of them had been placed in a special education class, 46% had been expelled, 28% had repeated a class, and 27% dropped out of school due to pregnancy.
· A recent National Center for Juvenile Justice statistic showed a 23% increase in the number of females arrested as contrasted to an 11% increase for the boys.
· According to the 1996 At-Risk Female Student Profile survey, girls at-risk quit school by the 9th grade, most girls live with a single parent who is generally working full-time. Parent(s) convicted of crimes influence their daughters committing crimes, fathers are most often in gangs, and 70% of girls have used alcohol, drugs and cigarettes.
Sources: Office of Criminal Justice Planning National Center for Juvenile Justice National Juvenile Justice Delinquency Prevention The Juvenile Violent Crime Index

from:
http://www.lacity.org/csw/html/cswpg2c.htm

Schooling ..or lack of..

2005-03-31T15:11:00.000-08:00

I’ve been reading in the LA Times recently all about the schools and number of drop outs, especially Hispanic and Black kids.

My opinions are that the teachers are under paid and the schools do not receive enough money by any means.

My uncle and Sister are teachers and a friend of mine as well and there where huge cut backs in the last few years.

I believe that the money of the state is not going where it needs to and that there is enough sitting around for a project when they want it but not when we need it for things like more teachers, class rooms teaching materials, LAPD Officers or any of the sorts.

I would even vote for the mayor who raised a ton of money for his campaign and then took it all and put it to a good cause instead of to selling himself and making commercials on TV.

I agree that some school are better than others and that this unfair, though I have to point out that my two sisters go to a school in a very rich neighborhood and yet they still don’t receive anything near what they should as far as schooling, materials, time and attention.
BUT, our drop out problem can’t be blamed entirely on money and large classes.

College classes are VERY large most times. Often you will see 600 students at a time in one class. Does this mean they are to drop out? Nope.
Most college professors do not know all of their student’s names; do the students lose out because of this? Well, they at least don’t drop out because of it.
I don’t’ think that forty students for six months would be too hard to learn names as one teacher mentioned in her letter to the LA Times.
I have almost a hundred people in my office and learned them by name in a week and I am not facing them at the head of a class looking at their faces and reading their names off of papers as I grade them every day.

I also believe that not enough parents care, try or work with their children enough. They don’t sit down at the table and help them with their home work or take them on visits to the library enough, no, many of these drop outs come families full of gangs, violence and drugs as well and they play with other kids in the streets and get into trouble instead of at home doing homework.

I believe that the parents don’t expect enough from their child, yes, that little bit of pushing is a good thing and needed. Teaching kids to be responsible is another.

I believe that by the time a kid enters high school they are old enough to have started learning responsibility and not use the excuse of where they live, what school they go to or crowded rooms and even lazy parents get in the way of working towards their education. Even at the young age of 13 a kid is at a point of thing for himself and can think, “ What do I want to do with my life?” and then “ What do I need to do to get there?”

Other questions to ask themselves are “ Do I want to be a drug dealer and live that life? Or end up in and out of jail?”

This should even be the type of questions used in schools to get kids to think about this stuff.

At the age of 13 I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I worked hard to get there. At twenty three I’m still working but am at a good point when, with the way I was raised, I could have become what I was set up to do, be pregnant with my third child by now and on drugs as well as in an abusive relationship and no education.

I used my parents as an example …to do the opposite of what they did. My brother says he is the way he is because of them and has done drugs and been in and out of jail already at the age of twenty-one. Two people who grew up in the same exact life but decided to walk different paths as soon as they where old enough to choose them.

By the age of thirteen a child is old enough to make a choice for themselves and there are right and wrong choices. Yes, mistakes can be made along the way as is life but learn from them.
Teenagers must also be held responsible for the life they choose or for dropping out of school; they are old enough to take on the responsibility to stay in school. This teaches responsibility later when working a job or career.

I believe that help is a good thing for them and good guidance and role models but we are not all lucky enough for them,as I was not, and must make due with what we have…and inside we know that we can make it better. Everyone has at one point in their life, a dream or idea of what they would like to be when they grow up....the thing is know that you can make that happen.

There are many ways to fix the drop out rate, which would then fix the crime rate, death rate, and pregnancy rate as well as drug rate and so on among teenagers.

1.Better schools and material.
2.Teachers that after six months of looking at forty faces every day and seeing their names on paper know their students. There’s no excuse not to.
3.School’s who don’t let the students pass after they have failed the tests that are taken to see if they are allowed or ready to pass or not.
4.Parents who take the time and responsibility to spend an hour a day at the kitchen table with their child helping or making sure they do homework.
5.Parents who call their teachers on occasion to see how their child is doing.
6.Teachers who call the parents when a child is truant or absent.
7.Fines or community service and even probation or SOMETHING for truancy and skipping school as well as dropping out. Make these kids have some responsibility, I mean, if they are old enough to sell drugs, steal cars and get pregnant then they are old enough to keep themselves going through school.
8.And much more. Feel free to post your ideas for these kids as well.

Yes the city schools and tax payers money should be handled better and something done on that end but also, parents should do more and kids should takle charge of their own lives as well...they are old enough to stop laying the excuses on others.

A Greener LA...

2005-03-31T10:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks to an anonymous commenter to my last post for reccomending this website . There is a ton of helpful information , especially if you are a homeowner in LA.

Below is one article from that site that I'd like to share with you...

Trees for a Green LA

FREE Residential Shade Trees
LADWP has made it simple for Los Angeles City residents to receive FREE shade trees through the Trees for a Green LA program (TFGLA). Follow these simple steps to enjoy the benefits of cool natural shade, energy efficiency, and clean air:
1. Participate in an online or neighborhood workshop
2. Submit your completed tree order and site plan
3. LADWP will deliver the trees to your home; you then plant and care for them.
Note: You must be an electric customer of the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power to receive free trees.
Workshop Options
To receive your FREE trees, you must first learn how to properly plan for, plant, and protect your new trees through one of our workshops. You may either complete the workshop online or personally attend a workshop located close to your neighborhood. Please select an option below:
Online Workshop(Approximately 20 minutes)
Neighborhood Workshop(1 hour presentation/assistance)
Contact Us
If you have any questions or need further assistance, please call 1-800-GreenLA (800-473-3652) and select Trees for a Green LA or email us at Tree.Program@ladwp.com.

Doing our part for our environment...

2005-03-30T16:57:00.000-08:00

Hey LA,

I am learning to do more for my community and environment and wondering about your ideas, plan and tip's?

If you have an organization that you would like to post or tips. Information/etc please email me!

I would be interested in anything to help our environment, any charity or volunteer organizations and also any marathons/walk-a-thon’s/etc for any cures or purposes.

I’d even like to post your thoughts and idea’s about things we can do for our environment as well or what you would like to see done.

Environment issue of the week.

2005-03-29T18:00:00.000-08:00

California’s drinking water.

I am constantly searching for more information and learning about my environment and what I can do to keep it safe and healthy for me and my future.

I eat organically and take public transportation or walk most of the time. I eat wild caught fish and seafood, not farmed, which contaminates our water.

I recycle and use organic and earth safe cleaning supplies.

And each day I do more towards living a healthy life on a healthy earth.

Share some of your tips and what you do for the environment.

Here’s a website that will give you the water grade for Los Angeles

www.environmentcalifornia.org

Some great informationa and acts about our california waters.

For water I: Try not to run the water when doing dishes
I only use the dish washer when completely full
I try not to run the water when brushing my teeth,etc.
I use organic and earth friendly cleaning supplies.

I eat 90% organic foods so I am not eating foods from farmers that send toxins into our earth and waters.

I’m guilty of : Long showers.

I only drink Fiji or Evian bottled water.

Stress on a cop/marriage/life.

2005-03-29T13:02:00.000-08:00

This year my husband and I learned of his high blood pressure. He works out and is very fit and his diet is perfect so it came to looking at the stress. Stress on the job cannot be changed but stress at home can (to a point).

So early in our marriage we learned that the bickering and fighting about the little things needed to stop, after some trial and error. We are still learning but it’s happening.
In a home there will always be some annoyance between two people in close quarters or things that need to be done that the husband hears as “nagging” but there are good and bad ways about getting things said or handling situations.

I surprised my husband with our patio being turned into a calming place in our home this past weekend and after learning of his blood pressure issue we where scared into learning better ways to deal with things (like things we would possibly not agree on).

There will always be stress in our lives. His job as an LAPD Officer working the mean gang infested streets of LA. Mine in the cutthroat corporate word.
LA traffic and commuting is enough to raise the blood pressure in people and hell, now it’s tax time folks.
Eventually there will be children and financial and other issues to stress about as well.

One thing that is important to us is learning how to deal with stress now to prepare ourselves for added stress later.

We help each other as well as ourselves. We make our home as stress free as possible.
I set up the patio which actually ahs had the most calming effects on myself while eating breakfast out there in the mornings. It’s like I am reminded to slow down and take a breath.
My husband ordered a bunch of CD’s for meditating and calming music and sound as well as even color meditation CD’s that are played on the TV. There’s reading and working out and stretching more to loosen tight muscles and relieve head aches.

There’s scheduling the chores, grocery shopping, cooking in ways to cut down time and work.

The way we decorate our home in earth tones, calming colors and calming artwork.

We have even learned to turn the computer off more often when at home (lately my poor husband has had many battles with anything electronic in our home, crashing computers, gadgets that aren’t working properly, etc) this can be very frustrating.

X-box even comes in handy with my hubby (doesn’t have the same effect on me though as much as he has tried to convince me) and he plays in the afternoon on days off or at night so this also doesn’t interfere with our time together.

There’s “ I need my own time” times where we have learned to read each other’s body language or even tell one another. I’ll plop down on the couch with a book or head to the park…or shopping, horseback riding, working out on our own etc.

I have my own full time work and hobbies and hiking is one of them as well which is a calming work out and gets me out of my ruts and the gym or house.

One of my husband’s hobbies is comic book collecting and reading. Even I take my lunch break during the week at work and head towards the comic’s pages of the LA Times.

I take 3 hours of public transportation each day (including waits in between connections) and I take that time to read and study. By the time I reach home in the evening I have often been summerset in a story long enough to start unwinding.

My husband also gives great massages and has very strong hands. I have built the strength in my own hands as well to return some good rubbing to his sore muscles.

The effect’s of stress on a persons physical and mental health are being studied more and more and many articles have been done on the effects of stress as well as many magazines are out there with their covers splashed and pages full of ways and tips to de-stress or manage stress or save time or make time, etc.

Obviously the ways of our life styles and its effects on our body’s and minds are beginning to be recognized.

This should mean something to us. So I jump on the bandwagon have a less stressful life and de-stressing and managing stress.
It can’t hurt at least.

There will be times that are more stressful than others and
stress is un-avoidable, in these times the learning on how to DEAL with stress or DE-Stress steps in.

In my new marriage I am learning something new each day. Less stress or learning how to release it is also helpful not only on my mind and body but on my family, marriage, friendships and happiness in life.

If you would like to share your secrets of stress handling feel free to share!

Surprise for my husband...

2005-03-28T15:18:00.000-08:00

Awww. Love is in the air…ok, after six months of marriage I still make people sick with our “puppy love” stuff.

We always joked that through our dating period we made about five people throw up all the time.

We are not incredibly publicly affectionate; the tongue's down each other’s throats are for teenage years gone by.

But there are simple holding of hands and looks across the table or room as well as our “hand shake” that made a waitress gush with how cute we where as well as the family at our wedding rehearsal burst out laughing.

This past weekend, Easter weekend my hubby had to work. That actually as not a bad thing since I have been planning a surprise for him since January and I finally became ready to pull it all off but needed a weekend where he worked both days for the time and setup.
So since his recent birthday this March he has known that I had something up my sleeve but not a clue as to what it was. I have had much fun building anticipation of this surprise in the last couple of weeks…. though he calls this torture instead of anticipation building…Tomato, Tomotoe ….

He was finally convinced that I would announce that I was pregnant or surprise him with a dog.
Now a dog is something I want even more than him but due to lack of time it’s not in the picture right now.

A friend was told of this up-coming surprise and asked “ is it smaller than a breadbox now but going to be bigger in eighteen years?” To this I said would be bigger from the beginning and not grow in size…so, no not pregnant and not trying and not planning to be for about five years yet.

Saturday (actually Sunday at 3:am) I was woken up by my hubby with a half a dozen red roses. Thankfully getting flowers from my husband is a gift that happens often and not a reason to ask “ What did you do wrong?”.
When he gave them to me I thought that somehow he had found out what my surprise was. But, no he had not. Of course he decided to hunt through the house to find out after the torture I was giving him and I thankfully got him to stop before he looked in my hiding places.

Yes, I know what your thinking ladies “ men are such little boy’s”.

Ok, so my weekend was so busy and as I had not realized until late that this was Easter weekend (somehow it had slipped my mind and with family far away I’m not always kept up to date on Holiday events anymore) and as my husband was working I spent the whole weekend preparing for his surprise.
I don’t have a car, actually my husband still has the one he entered marriage with but I don’t drive it and I take public transportation. The only reason I don’t drive this car is because it’s about on it’s last leg and it would be just my luck that when I do it decides to breath it’s last breath and I would forever have to hear about it from my husband on how long it lasted for him and how great it ran for him and how my crazy way of driving killed it.
I will drive the new one soon. This will more than likely give my my husband a heart attack and the calming effect's of our home will go to waste!

But I take public transportation now and so I have my little cart and at times when I have a large project like this and don’t want hubby to drive me to the store it can be difficult but not impossible.

I ended up over the whole weekend going back and forth to Target, Lowe’s and Ikea as they where the places I needed to go and thankfully open all weekend (except Target but I finished with them on Saturday) and a few other places.
I made 7 trips back and forth between these places and home over the course of two days. Entering and exiting the bus with the drivers either giving very annoyed looks or laughing as I struggled with a cart full of supplies.

Sunday after my husband had left for work my living room floor was covered in plants and flowers and our apartment looked as if it had exploded.

Here was my project: Decorating and furnishing my apartments very empty patio which is quite private and secluded as well as stone walled instead of iron bars.
It’s small but with plenty of planning I managed to do quite a bit to turn our patio into a secluded refuge away from the outside world.

Something my husband and I find important and strive for is as little stress at home as possible, along with that a place to relax and de-stress besides just a place that doesn’t build stress.
We try to decorate (six months together so still working on it) our apartment in earth tones and calming effects and art.
We meditate and work out and play soft classical music in surround sound.

With the recent discovery of my husband’s high blood pressure due to stress on the job as an LAPD Officer I decided in January to take it one step further.

I had read how living in the city is more stressful and that seeing just one tree out your window can have a major calming and lowering of the blood pressure effect.
My husband and I had planned on doing a little something to the patio eventually and lately (it took everything I had so that he didn’t start buying stuff for the patio recently) he had been mentioning constantly to start getting some chairs and stuff out there. He even ordered bamboo wind chimes. Of course he later said he thought I was being a bitchy and hormonal wife when trying to talk him into waiting to get anything for the patio (I was claiming that we should wait and do the bedroom first, etc).

So as a gift I wanted to surprise him with a completely changed patio. I even did before and after pictures for the family who knew of my secret.
I couldn’t buy stuff ahead and hide it for too long without it being found so I did the searching for what I wanted and the price checking, etc and made my plan, then had to survive much rain as well and then wait for a weekend that he worked both days.

I bought everything Saturday and Sunday and hid it as best I could, live plants where the last thing to buy so I didn’t have to hide them in a dark closet.

I worked through Sunday night putting it all together and it turned out great!

He woke me up at 3:am and thanked me, also joking how his half a dozen roses paled in comparison.

I even had breakfast sitting out there even though the rain was softly falling. The patio stayed dry though.

So now we have our small garden area to sit and read or enjoy a meal and conversation together. Looking outside the glass sliding doors you see flowers and plants and the calming colors of green and the browns of bamboo instead of noticing the building across the way. (Though partially we do have a good view and a great sunset).

I have added another section to our calming home, a little oasis of our own.

He, of course, enjoyed it much as we great minds think alike. Though he joked “ I wanted to do something with the patio but all I would have ended up doing is buy some chairs).

It’s a small space but now a whole other room and a place of enjoyment. I learned of small gardens in New York City/ Manhattan in my time there and have always remembered how calming it was to step into these tiny gardens in the middle of the city and right off the street but how far away you roamed mentally inside of them.

Now I’ve made our own place in our city life.

Surprise Dear Husband.

Love,Your Wife.

A war in our city of Angels...

2005-03-23T16:29:00.000-08:00

Sadly the news that has filled the LA Times is that of a young girl whom, as she was leaving school, did a passing gang member shoot in the head.

She now lays in a coma with little hope and yet her aunts cling to the thoughts and hopes of miracles, I pray that they get one.

This also brings up the fact of the growing concern of gang’s in Los Angeles. This past weekend I heard from my husband, was a war zone with 7 shootings in 3 days in his division alone.
The war between the Hispanic and Black gangs are going strong and fueled by the fire of young un-educated men who don’t think about their consequences of their actions. Caught in the cross fire a young woman, just getting out of school for the day, working for her education and her aunt waiting to pick her up who ran to cradle her bloody niece in her arms before paramedics arrived.

Now that girl lie’s in a coma, a bullet through her brain...

A beautiful young girl...

Broken ...

And her family weeps.

The girl’s aunt says she forgives the gang member for he does not understand what he has done. I say I would forgive but if only he cared. He doesn’t.

A recent LA Times quote read “ The Black and Hispanic gangs are killing each other fast than we can do anything about it” but on the way to their own hell young innocent girls fall victim.

Our Police Officers are now not the only ones to fear gang’s, as they pull them over and risk their lives dealing with these guy’s every day but now our young children, students leading a regular life must fear them too and die.

Al- Quida terrorists are recruiting gangs such as MS-13 now as well and we are beginning to have more to fear than stray bullets from these un-educated, gun wielding young men who choose the life of crime, drugs and killing. We have to worry about homeland security as well. These terrorists are contacting gang member because they are the same breed. Hateful men who have no cares and worry nothing about consequences and death. Who will kill a young girl or a child without remorse because they where in the way of the bullets intended for young men of a rival gang.

These men who should be friends and students together instead are enemy’s and kill each other and along the way a few innocent bystanders.

These gang members have no heart; no soul and the terrorists know this as they share that same similarity. They will kill and not worry about being killed and don’t care who they kill either.

Los Angeles Alone has over 80,000 gang members (known) and 100,000 in the LA prisons and that is just here, if the terrorists manage to recruit these gang members then we have that many terrorists in our home land.

Even without that fact we still have these gangs and they are themselves terrorists of their own cities. Our city of Angels is more like the city of Hell.
Kids are not safe because we have gangs killing them, shooting (un-educated in that even as their style is sure to mean stray bullets) dealing drugs and not caring if they die before they are twenty-one.

They are the same as the suicide bombers over-sees; they don’t care if they lose their life in the process of killing others.

Similarity’s between terrorists and American gang members

They don’t care about killing innocent people or themselves in the process of killing those they intend to.

They fight for a reason even they do not understand or can explain.

They are a disorganized but dangerous group.

They often die young, killed by themselves, their own or a rival.

They kill children.

On this site are some quotes from gang members or past gang members…

The kind of things we do in a gang is mostly fighting. We fight against other gangs to show pride for our own gang, but in reality, we don’t even know what we’re fighting for. And by the time we realize this, it’s too late.

You asked if the gang life is fun. At first when you’re doing what you want it could be. But it’s easy to forget that there’s a price to be paid for the things you do. Yeah you hang out, but at the age of 15, my little brother was killed. I have about 15 of my homeboys who are doing life in prison as well as me. I’m doing 32 years to life. I’m only 28 years old and I’ll never get out. And about 10 of my homeboys have been killed. I started going to jail when I was 13 years old. Does this life sound fun to you? The fun is for a minute but it costs a lifetime of pain.

One of the best ways to find out if your son is in a gang is to look at who he hangs out with. His friends tell a lot about who he is and what he's involved in.
Kids are good at hiding things from their parents. They put out the image they believe their parents want to see, and a lot of times, as parents we don't want to believe the truth.
Don't think for a minute that your kid is any different than his friends because the biggest influence over your kid will be his friends. And if your kid's friends don't meet your standards, then as a parent, you should do everything in your power to end those friendships, because your kid's life and/or freedom are at stake.
Life in gangs has appeal for many people. A sense of belonging to something, ideas that you have the protection of may others, and with many, the easy solution as far as some money by either selling drugs, doing other crimes, or being taken care of with what you need by the other members of the gang. These are big attractions that seem great.
No one thinks about doing things for other people and being used to carry out their personal ideas, going to prison, getting hurt or killed, or getting your family hurt or killed. These things happen almost all of the time to people who get in gangs. The only thing is that with some, it takes a lot longer to happen. Many look at the one guy who is head of a gang with plenty of friends and money. Eventually, the same thing usually happens to him. Even when it doesn’t, he needs to be constantly aware that someone might try to do something to him and his family and friends because of his position. If there is one person that lives to an old age peacefully without spending a day in jail but is in a gang, there is a much better chance of hitting the lottery for a multimillion dollar pay off than being him.
Girls and women involve with guys in gangs are no better off. The guy you are with may have a disagreement with someone. If he cannot be gotten to because he is aware and on guard, his wife or girlfriend and children might be a target. When a female gets involved with a guy in a gang, she immediately gets all the bad things the guy might be in for. Being a target is one of those things. The bad part here is that while the guy might know, he may never tell the woman, or not even think something can happen to her. The same things happen when women just do a guy a favor, like giving another guy a place to sleep for a night, and drive him somewhere to deliver a car to someone. The guy you give a place to stay as a favor might have just escaped from prison; the car you drop off might have drugs, guns, or a body in it. Explanations to the police that you knew nothing about what was going on never go over good, and get women one-way tickets to prison.
Remember that when you get involved with a guy in a gang, you sign on for a relationship with the gang and everything that the guy has coming to him, even when you do not know what it is. Finding out about what you get later, is just about impossible to get out of. The bottom line is to ask yourself, is a relationship worth all of the other baggage you get from it somewhere down the line, maybe even years later.
I hope you remember to think before you act and know all the pitfalls of what you might get later. I hope you make the right choices while the options remain open to you.

I do wonder if that boy who shot Deliesh Allen visited her in the hospital and spent an hour with her aunts , if he would feel remorse, just a tiny bit of a soul.

Organic living in Los Angeles.

2005-03-17T15:31:00.000-08:00

Why organic?
Here are links to a few websites to check out which list multiple reasons for organic living.
www.sagecreeknaturals.com/pesticide_facts.htm
www.alotoforganics.co.uk/help/facts.php

www.ccof.org/aboutorganic.php

A great magazine to read is found in stores such as Barns and Noble and at: www.organicstyle.com.
Organic living is getting bigger and bigger. We have stores like Trader Joes and Whole Foods market popping up and working hard to keep prices low. In fact, I shop at Trader Joes and spend a ton less than I would at any regular grocer like Ralph’s. But even Ralph’s among other stores have organic aisles now too. (Though usually much cheaper at Trader Joes).

Finding organic foods as well as cleaning supplies is as easy as finding regular products now and even clothes can easily be found (Organic Style Magazine is a great place for this).
There are restaurants that are strictly organic in LA.
If you pull up a search for organic foods on google.com you will find about 11,100,000 hits.
Advice on eating organic is showing up in more and more places, Oxygen magazine among others mention organic eating and Paul Chek’s books mention it as well. There are cookbooks advising Organic this or organic that.
So why the organic life then?
Well, pesticides used on our fruits and vegetables. Hormones and antibiotics used in our meats.
Cleaner air, cleaner water, cleaner land. Holes in the ozone, destroyed water on earth, destroyed land , destroyed ozone layer. Our children’s health ,cancer. Etc.

Need I say more?

Cancer has been on a rise for many years and is also being linked to food more than ever and our way of living. Putting unhealthy pesticides in our bodies just might have a something to do with that.

Tip:

Natural and organic are not interchangeable. Other truthful claims, such as free-range, hormone-free, and natural, can still appear on food labels. However, don't confuse these terms with "organic." Only food labeled "organic" has been certified as meeting USDA organic standards.

Interested in Each Other's Health.

2005-03-16T17:06:00.000-08:00

My husband and I both have about a forest worth of magazine subscriptions (we recycle) and we read even more online.

Many of my own magazines are health and fitness as well as organic and the majority is geared towards woman. But in these magazines I often read articles on health for woman BEFORE pregnancy, which is important to me, as well as during and after.

I read questions to doctors that women are afraid to ask their own doc in person and in this I find out a lot of information.

I read how to eat better and healthier and work out right and how to clean my house organically as well as in quick time and live a healthy life. I have even read and found recourses for building an organic house.

My husband’s magazines are geared toward men and men’s health and fitness.I read his magazines and learn about things that help keep my husband healthy and I am made aware of men’s health problems that I would otherwise not know of.

I read how to cook things for my husband that fit his health needs and I learn the vitamin quantity he should be getting.I have even read many things on men’s health and how they affect not just your baby but the pregnancy as well.

And my husband has read my magazines and learns about his wife’s health, and his future children’s as well as learning how to help around the house and live an organic life, etc.

We have read many books together and our magazines are not just easy reading by the pool, they are really helpful and useful when it comes to money management, health and fitness, organics and our future.We are even kept more up to date on health issues by many of these magazines.

There is also marriage advice and before the wedding we read plenty of wedding articles.
In fact Organic Style recently had an article on organic dresses, invitations, flowers, etc.

On top of it all I even learn new recipes to try and the healthy kinds are getting tastier.Finding this type of reading material is easier and easier now.

We have Oxygen magazine for women (which also has great articles geared towards older woman and weight lifting).

In our home your will find: Fitness ,Shape and Self Which all help with health issues, diseases, workouts and staying in shape for a healthy heart, recipes and eating healthy, organics and fashion.
Organic Style,Women’s fitness, Men’s fitness, and many more (ok, including X-Box too=)

There’s anything from woman’s day to Real Simple to Time magazine as well in our collection.

Magazines like Time help keep up in what’s going on in current events.

On top of that we have shelf after shelf of books, even career building, meditation, yoga and anything by Paul Chek.

We even learn safety tips and travel tips and where to find neat products as well.

But back to my point….I am happy that my husband is interested in reading my material and keeping up with my health as I am with his. This helps keep us on a path toward a healthy marriage and life.

A few good links...

2005-03-16T16:59:00.000-08:00

The LAPD Recognizes Woman’s History Month:

http://lapdonline.org/portal/generic.php?page=/get_involved/lapd_women/lapd_women.htm

This months Police Beat and message from the Chief:

http://lapdonline.org/pdf_files/news/05_03_beat.pdf

A link to an article on the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce about hiring more LAPD Officers.

http://www.wliinc2.com/cgi/foxweb.dll/wlx/cs/wlxENews?docid=158&cc=LOSANG&action=DISPLISTDET

Un-Educated Views...

2005-03-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share an email I received regarding my post in the LA Times March 13th, 2005.
I am putting it here, un-edited ( so excuse the spelling) to share with you as well as my response this citizen.

“Perhaps he shouldn`t have gone in pursuit of someone running a red light. Once he had the license number and it became clear the driver wasn`t stopping, it seems to me that he should either have called in unmarked cars (if there was some basis for concluding that the vehicle was involved in a felony) or, in the alternative, simply reported the offense and had someone call on the owner at a later date. In pursuing a vehicle for running a red light, and triggering the ensuing chase, he exposed others to much greater danger. It is this confrontational predisposition that is responsible for the LAPD`s reputation as a crew of out of control cowboys. It`s important to remember that no one asked your husband to become a cop. He chose his line of work either because it was the best he could do economically or because he`s got sociopathic tendencies, or both. What healthy person would opt for a job that might result in the killing of another human being? You might want to examine your own motivation for marrying such a person.”

My Response:
“Why would the Police call in someone else when it is their job to do? That would be adding to the concept that all he does is eat donuts on tax payers money.

In the LAPD they do not necessarily go on "high speed" chases and are under VERY strict rules and restrictions ( whereas in Houston where I am from they would simply ram the suspects car off the road). The suspect was driving like he was drunk and running red lights which could have resulted in an accident involving other cars.

The car's he actually ran into where already in an accident and stopped in the middle of the road and even at a decently slow speed where hit because of this guy's driving actions.
If he had not been in a stolen car, with a gun , running red lights ( which just brought attention to himself anyways) and evading Police he would have then been following the law, not that hard to do but some people just don't have the logic to understand that.

When he hit the cruiser he had already hit the other cars and then sped up backwards into the cruiser. No fault of the Police who where doing their job if they had acted as cowboy's they would have earlier rammed his car off the road ( actually used the Pit maneuver which is actually safer but LAPD is restricted from doing so). Or hell, they could have shot out hit tires or through the back window but no, they did not act as cowboy's, they acted as highly trained Police men and under full guidelines.

As for my husband being one with psychopathic tendency's , to enter the LAPD Academy ( the hardest to get into in America , less than 1 % who apply get in, less than that make it through and less than that finish their first rookie year) he must undergo psychiatric tests and lie detector tests and a full back ground investigation. Ex-girlfriends where interviewed, neighbors who knew him his whole life and even kindergarten teachers as well as teachers through out school , family and many more.
Anyone caught with the slightest shades of grey in their minds are booted.

As for him choosing this career for economical reasons, he would have made more money sticking to what he was doing before and money was far from an issue. One of the men who went through the Academy with him was a millionaire who didn't ever need to work at all.

Shaquill O'Neal is in the Police Reserves and upon retirement hopes to enter the LAPD Academy. He's not in need for money.

My husband chose his profession after 9/11 when he decided he wanted to do something for his country and in doing so became one of God's peacekeepers here in the city of LA.

No, no one asked for him to be a cop and thank God because no would would ask for anyone too and yet we need them because we have crazy gun toting high on crack gang bangers in this world.
But, at the same time, no one asked the gang member who was recently shot and killed after evading Police and shooting at them with a gun that would have torn right through their vests and was high on cocaine and other drugs to be a law breaking gang member.

He might have to one day kill someone, but when he chose to become a cop he talked Long and hard with his father and grandfather and uncle who are all Preachers and the Bible speaks of our Peacekeepers and soldiers of God.
He hopes never to have to shoot his gun and many fine Officer's he works with never have in 20 years.
He didn't become a cop to shoot and kill, he became one to protect and serve.

As for me marrying him. I married the sweetest, gentlest most loving man I have ever met. A man who is open minded and loving and caring and my best friend. I don't see anything wrong with that.”
IHHB
I Have His Back
http://behindthebadge.blogspot.com/”

I am open to all opinions here but am also free to my own opinions and will of course post and respond as I see fit. In responding to these emails I hope to educate at least one person out there because many responses that I will receive are un-educated and hopefully they might learn something or at least seek out to learn before they decide to be cop-haters.

This is the un-edited versian that was posted in the LA Times.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

A moment of fear...

As a wife of an Officer I am pretty calm and do not get worried too much about my husbands job in Law Enforcement but on occasion I can be gripped with that fear that all who are married to a Police officer knows about.

At 3:am when he is normally walking through the door, home safe from his shift, my phone rang instead, I looked at the time, saw that my husband was not there and my lungs seemed to seize on me as I answered my phone with a weak “ Hello?”. “ Hey Sweetie, on OT, got into a bad accident but I’m ok, not hurt.” We talked a second more and I was assured that he was not laying in a hospital somewhere and that he was just having to wrap up the scene and paper work and would tell me the story when he got home.

At 6:am I’m up and about and getting going about my morning routine, I called his cell but no answer, this is rare unless he’s talking to a higher up or on a chase or at the very moment un-able to take the call, usually not a problem, I’ll leave a message and he’ll call me back with in minutes or so. But this morning I had visions of him in a car accident, even though he tells me he’s ok and not at the hospital I cannot keep these visions out of my mind. The fact that I have spent the last week researching many things and in doing so read about Officers deaths by car wreck, then read an article about Police Deaths in car wrecks, etc.

I jumped onto LAPDwife and vented a bit, waiting for the phone to ring, trying to decide to call the station or not when he walked in the door, safe and sound thankfully. After the biggest hug in the world he told me the story….

“He and his partner went on pursuit of a vehicle running a red light and the suspect ran a couple of red lights then one more and crashed into some already crashed cars then threw the car in reverse and crashed into the cruiser (was listed as moderately bad damage? But the front end was wrecked completely and the passenger side door, was crushed with the frame of the car) my husband was passenger where the car hit worse and their car was thrown backwards then his partner saw yelled "GUN" the suspect jumped out of his vehicle with a gun in his hand and took off running, hubby's partner jumped out and chased but hubby couldn't get door open, finally did manage to kick it open (I don’t suppose it’s real easy for a big man in vest and belt to jump over the seat and go through the drivers door) and went on chase too, they called K-9 out and set up a search, the guy is still at large.

I was originally called during the perimeter set up so before the search was over and the paperwork and booking began."

Both he and his partner where ok and showed no signs of damage.We chatted a bit more and discussed the accident. He had a moment that hit him emotionally as he described him and his partner a bit dazed from the wreck and the suspect could have easily walked up and shot them, thankfully he decided to run and not use the gun but it was close.

Last week he had been the arresting Officer in a domestic dispute involving a knife (took the guy down while the man had a knife in his hand) and then another chase, this time on foot, after a suspect that had opened fire on Officers. He and his partner had jumped a huge California style brick wall and he had come close to breaking his ankle when almost landing on a parking curb as well as injured his arms quite badly (though I told him when he wrapped his wrists with a bandage he looked like an attempted suicide and to wear long sleeves).

We joked about him ripping two shirts in one week and how the OT pay from this mornings extra hours will come in handy.With the latest in the News (i.e. Devon Brown, etc) the Police lives are at even more risk than usual due to people “looking for justice” and so they decide to go shoot at cops or we have another episode of a stolen car and the guy speeding in reverse towards the patrol car and harming the Officers lives as well as others while running red lights and crashing cars.

So as a wife of an Officer I pray even extra through out the day “ Dear God bring him home safe after each and every shift” and give him an extra strong hug when he walks through that door.

At the same time I sit here and ask logical questions of un-logical people, why run from the cop’s?

Why run those red lights?

Why lead a life of crime and steal cars?

Why speed towards an Officer in intent to harm?

I guess the guy one was thinking " oh, well, I can run the car towards the cops but they can't do anything about it now" or some other stupid thing. And as the Police are restricted more and more due to politics their lives become more endangered and they are un-able to do their jobs and apprehend criminals without worrying about lawsuits, losing their jobs and going to prison themselves.

Stolen car, gun, evading arrest and running red lights, driving recklessly, ramming vehicle into citizens cars and patrol car.... and I read a few blogs this week saying that there was no need for cops at all and people could take care of themselves. Hell, the public has shown us they can't control themselves or their children.

My husband often refers to himself as a family referee, children are out killing and mothers are dumping babies in the trash, men beat and rape women…. Yes, it seems as if Police are not needed, citizens are doing a great job themselves….

I’ll just have to continue with those prayers…

Interested in Each Other's Health.

2005-03-15T17:53:00.000-08:00

My husband and I both have about a forest worth of magazine subscriptions (we recycle) and we read even more online.

Many of my own magazines are health and fitness as well as organic and the majority is geared towards woman. But in these magazines I often read articles on health for woman BEFORE pregnancy, which is important to me, as well as during and after. I read questions to doctors that women are afraid to ask their own doc in person and in this I find out a lot of information.

I read how to eat better and healthier and work out right and how to clean my house organically as well as in quick time and live a healthy life. I have even read and found recourses for building an organic house.

My husband’s magazines are geared toward men and men’s health and fitness.

I read his magazines and learn about things that help keep my husband healthy and I am made aware of men’s health problems that I would otherwise not know of.
I read how to cook things for my husband that fit his health needs and I learn the vitamin quantity he should be getting.

I have even read many things on men’s health and how they affect not just your baby but the pregnancy as well.

And my husband has read my magazines and learns about his wife’s health, and his future children’s as well as learning how to help around the house and live an organic life, etc.

We have read many books together and our magazines are not just easy reading by the pool, they are really helpful and useful when it comes to money management, health and fitness, organics and our future.
We are even kept more up to date on health issues by many of these magazines.

There is also marriage advice and before the wedding we read plenty of wedding articles.
In fact Organic Style recently had an article on organic dresses, invitations, flowers, etc.

On top of it all I even learn new recipes to try and the healthy kinds are getting tastier.
Finding this type of reading material is easier and easier now.

We have Oxygen magazine for women (which also has great articles geared towards older woman and weight lifting).
Fitness
Shape
Self
Which all help with health issues, diseases, workouts and staying in shape for a healthy heart, recipes and eating healthy, organics and fashion.
Organic Style
Women’s fitness
Men’s fitness

And many more (ok, including X-Box too=)

There’s anything from woman’s day to Real Simple to Time magazine as well in our collection.
Magazines like time help keep up in what’s going on in current events.

On top of that we have shelf after shelf of books, even career building, meditation, yoga and anything by Paul Chek.

We even learn safety tips and travel tips and where to find neat products as well.

But back to my point….
I am happy that my husband is interested in reading my material and keeping up with my health as I am with his. This helps keep us on a path toward a healthy marriage and life.

MS-13 - A growing gang.

2005-03-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

This article mentions one of the worst gangs in America, also one of which is being recruited by Terrorists.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050314/ap_on_re_us/gang_arrests

I believe it was either The Police Beat or the thin Blue Line magazine which had an article this year much more extensive than this one.
Not only have we already had to fear gangs in America for their violent crimes, drive by shootings, dealing drugs and recruiting our children but now we have the fear of our own gangs in America being recruited by terrorists such as Al-Quada and planting these other and even more dangerous threats in our own back yards.
It has been along time since we had a war on American soil with another country but no we face the chance of having a war that turns our own people against us right in our back yards.

There is already a need to crush gangs here and protect our city but now we must also protect our country.

Here's an article in Police Beat that speaks of the war between LAPD and gangs.
http://www.apbweb.com/articles-z47.htm

What do you think could be done to protect your community and children from gangs?
What could be done to stop gangs in your opinion?
Has your child been approached by a gang member or offered drugs?
What is your teenager’s opinion on gangs?

Here are some tips on gang prevention from LAPDonline.org

Prevention – What You and Your Neighbors Can Do
The first and most important step is to become aware of gangs, gang members, and their activities. Individuals armed with this basic knowledge are better able to avoid becoming victims of a gang attack.
Prevention is the key to controlling gang activity. Gangs attempt to instill fear. They intimidate rivals and citizens alike. The gang’s power grows through the use of fear and intimidation. They can be countered by citizen action groups such as the Neighborhood Watch. A neighborhood that is united and dedicated in a spirit of cooperation toward stopping crime and violence will greatly hamper gang efforts to flourish. Everyone has the responsibility to overcome apathy and fear. We must work toward a solution to the gang problem.
Parents and educators who suspect gang activity should:
Talk to the child or teenager and discuss the consequences of being in a gang
Talk to school officials and counselors inquiring if they are aware of campus problems and if there are any school programs that might help
Contact government agencies such as your local law enforcement agency or juvenile authority. They may have a crime prevention or gang specialist who can give you valuable guidance. The Los Angeles Police Department has a number of programs which may be of assistance to families dealing with gang affiliated youths
Seek advice from religious leaders. They may know of programs that help neighborhood children stay out of gangs
Report and immediately remove any graffiti in your neighborhood or local school grounds. The longer it remains, the more it attracts gang members
Take action – this is the most important step you can take as an individual, a group or an organization. Do not ignore the signs of gang activity.
When gang related incidents occur, cooperate with authorities. Your help and cooperation may prevent others from becoming victims of gang violence. NON-EMERGENCY information concerning gang crimes, wanted suspects, or any gang activity should be referred to their local police stations . For EMERGENCIES only, call 9-1-1.
Contact your local law enforcement agency for up-to-date information. The Los Angeles Police Department has a number of highly trained gang prevention and enforcement specialists that can help your family or neighborhood fight gang activity. Its crime prevention or gang specialists can help your neighborhood plan ways to fight gang activity. They can help you organize:
A Neighborhood Watch Program in your neighborhood
A graffiti abatement or clean-up program
An intervention program for a young person at risk or involved in gang activity
Other alternatives to gang involvement include locations where organized and supervised programs are offered. The following suggestions may provide a starting point for concerned parents:
Recreation and Parks Department
Youth Gang Service

New with LAPD

2005-03-14T12:56:00.000-08:00

Well, my March 8th post of the night my husband was in an accident in the cruiser made it into the LA Times in the opinions section of the Sunday March 13th paper. http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/sunday/commentary/la-op-copblog13mar13,0,7460002.story?coll=la-sunday-commentary
The opinions section was filled with the racial tension of LA.
Perhaps the Times wanted to try to “Balance things out” between the public and the LAPD though I think the 10-1 posts show we are still a long way a way. It’s a start though and my husband was proud, that made it worth it all.

I laughed at one of the dumbest comments I have ever read, in the times opinions a young man stated, "A lot of people want free stuff, and they like to fight. If riots start, I'm gonna get me a new stereo."
This made my list of top dumbest things to say in 2005.

I think, and you wonder why someone would look at you and think, “ he’s a criminal”. Geesh, stupid people. The daddy to the next gang member in the projects. Why couldn’t they interview the professors at UCLA and get an educated comment?

I have to admit that there are some decent comments from the mostly the older black communities who own their homes and do not want to see any riots. But other than that it’s the thugs that seem to get interviewed and sound incredibly outright stupid instead of some educated hard working of the black community instead of the drug-dealing thugs.

Then there was the recent gang member that was shot and killed a few days ago after leading Officers on a high speed chase and shooting at the with a shotgun that would have torn right through their bullet proof vests. The young man was a gang member, armed, evading arrest and high on cocaine and other drugs. The other man in the SUV was on probation for possession.

Now I am going to let lose for a moment ….

This absolute criminal is shot and killed when breaking MANY laws and all of a sudden I read in the Times all these “friends” of the gang member shot and killed how great a guy he was and how he would NEVER shoot the police (he did) and yada yada yada. Well let me point out. He did shoot the police, he was a filthy piece of crap that needed to be cleaned up off the streets He was a criminal and a gang banger and a drug user and cop shooter law-breaking piece of trash. He was not a schoolteacher and boy scout a hard working individual or upstanding citizen.
I am not saying he had to be shot, no, he had his options. He could have started off by not being a gang member, high on cocaine and other drugs and then by not evading police or shooting at them, he could have surrendered and pulled over and so on and so on. He made his choice.

For the SWAT team to have been called out means business, means the LAPD patrol Officers need help, means someone is breaking a law and evading arrest and if it comes down to it will be shot.

I thank God that no officer’s family has to go to a funeral now. Those Officers did their job, they stopped a criminal. For those who always make “lazy cop comments” well, just read the papers, your tax dollars are being put to work, these Officers are working hard and the criminals are keeping them busy.

Another subject is a picture that went with one of these articles of a sign that Read LAPD is KKK or something like that.

Ok, the suspect was Hispanic correct? Most of those Officers where Hispanic. Most of the Officers in my husbands division are Hispanic, about 95% of them.

The Officer in the flashlight situation was Hispanic and the Officer in the Devon Brown case was Hispanic. Not saying anything towards Hispanics here, just pointing out that I don’t remember the KKK letting Hispanics join.
I am pointing out that I do not see where everyone is getting this “ LAPD is racist “ stuff because the FACTS do not do not show racism. They show Police Officers doing their job and protecting the community from CRIMINALS and gang members and thief’s and gun wielding maniacs high on drugs.
I am pointing out the fact that the recent crimes are not White on Black and that no racism is involved. I am pointing out that much of the LAPD is black and Hispanic and Asian.
I am trying to point out that every time something happens in LA it’s a race issue when it’s not! Everyone lets race blind them so damn much in this City. Well I am an interracial woman from Texas and grew up with neighbors who where KKK members and guess what? No one was nearly as bad as what I see here and the biggest racists people are the project living criminals! Not the cops, not the suspects even committing felony’s but their neighbors who feel the need to stand up for the same people they should be in fear of because their young children are growing up to be just like them, to deal drugs and be in gangs and die in drive by shootings.

I grew up in the south where there was white against black racism and believe you me, that’s NOT what you are seeing here!

Most of the LAPD Officers I know are NOT white but a full range of mixture. If you go to the official LAPD website you can see the captains of the different divisions and see that there is a complete mixture of men and woman, black and white.

Please people get off this race issue and see the real issue at hand!

As someone else said in an LA Times article “ The gangs are killing each other faster than anything” so don’t weep poor tears over a gang member that decided to put himself in the life of crime and early death, whether it be from a Police Officer doing his job and saving his own life or from a rival gang.
Just pray that our future children do not choose to walk that same path.

Questions for Villaraigosa.

2005-03-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

I emailed this list of questions to Mayor candidate Villaraigosa March 9th, as of today I have received no answer yet but when I do I’ll post them.
As a chance at being Mayor I have a few questions for you. With your permission I'd like to also post your answers on my blog.http://behindthebadge.blogspot.com/
Thank you,
IHHB

As a high school drop out what example do you intend to send to the young people of LA?
You speak of finding money to hire more LAPD Officers, what is your plan of a timeline on that?
I have read about a “shady back ground” of yours. What example do you set for Hispanic men?
There are many Hispanic gangs in LA; do you have any plans to keep young Hispanic men out of them?
Our LAPD Police Chief is Bratton; he has a great and amazing history with the difference he made in the NYPD. What are your plans for our Police Chief?
The recent issues with citizens screaming racism against the LAPD is always written up as white cops/ black suspects or victims. But actually the Officer who used the flashlight in the flashlight incident and the Officer who Shot Devon Brown where Hispanic. What are your plans on creating a better relationship between the LAPD and the community as well as standing behind and supporting the LAPD?
LA is overpopulated and there are millions of illegal immigrants. What are your thoughts on population control as well as illegal getting their drivers license here in LA?
It is impossible to drive on a freeway in LA. In what should take about 10 minutes to get anywhere ends up taking 45. What are your plans to help this situation?
Along that line there is also the issue of pollution, LA is infamous for being the worst (in running with NY and Houston) .Do you have plans to control and help this situation? Do you have plans for the public busses, train and subways since many people take them and that helps with pollution but at the same time they need improvement as well as more lines that lead into SFV and down town LA?
What are your plans to keep and get guns off the streets and out of the hands of citizens and criminals? Many young Hispanic men are in gangs and have guns as well as die from bullet wounds, what are your plans in the area?
Do you have plans on keeping young Hispanics in school and getting through college?

Studying for a good marriage.

2005-03-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

I am a person who studies and reads anything I can get my hands on so when I got engaged to my soon to be husband I started studying marriage and relationship.
For one, I don’t believe in divorce (unless it just can’t be helped in certain situations) and I wanted my marriage to be a good one, even a great one. I had grown up in a house hold that didn’t teach me what marriage should be like, in fact, just the exact opposite. So in my own marriage I want to give it my all.
I read books and magazines and websites and forums and blogs. So my husband sees that I have signed up to a marriage counseling type of forum and comes in to ask me about it, all worried. He asks me if something is wrong and I feel instantly bad for him but explain that nothing is and the reason that I was on a forum was not to complain (as most of what these forums seem to be though) but to read and ask questions as needed or wanted. Nothing in the world was wrong in our marriage and I intend to keep it that way.

We study through out our child hood in school and we learn to brush our own teeth and bathe ourselves and dress and feed and then work and we always study through out life to learn how to live life. We are always learning and it never ends. He study’s for his job and there is always something new to learn. He works out to keep in shape for his job, so I am studying for my marriage and keeping my marriage “fit” by working on it always.

So many marriages fail, I grew up in a home with a failed marriage. And divorce rates are sky high in normal life, much less marriage to a cop. Very few people put the effort and work into the marriage that it deserves and calls for and bail out. As some one told me when I got engaged “ well, there’s always divorce if it doesn’t work out”. Nope, that’s not an option in my book. And neither is being un-happy…so I work to have a good and happy working marriage. I give it my all. I want that A+ grade.

No…nothing is wrong at all My Dear Husband. I am just learning to keep it that way.
Please share your marriage advice and story’s.

A moment of fear...

2005-03-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

As a wife of an Officer I am pretty calm and do not get worried too much about my husbands job in Law Enforcement but on occasion I can be gripped with that fear that all who are married to a Police officer knows about.
At 3:am when he is normally walking through the door, home safe from his shift, my phone rang instead, I looked at the time, saw that my husband was not there and my lungs seemed to seize on me as I answered my phone with a weak “ Hello?”. “ Hey Sweetie, on OT, got into a bad accident but I’m ok, not hurt.” We talked a second more and I was assured that he was not laying in a hospital somewhere and that he was just having to wrap up the scene and paper work and would tell me the story when he got home.

At 6:am I’m up and about and getting going about my morning routine, I called his cell but no answer, this is rare unless he’s talking to a higher up or on a chase or at the very moment un-able to take the call, usually not a problem, I’ll leave a message and he’ll call me back with in minutes or so. But this morning I had visions of him in a car accident, even though he tells me he’s ok and not at the hospital I cannot keep these visions out of my mind. The fact that I have spent the last week researching many things and in doing so read about Officers deaths by car wreck, then read an article about Police Deaths in car wrecks, etc.

I jumped onto LAPDwife and vented a bit, waiting for the phone to ring, trying to decide to call the station or not when he walked in the door, safe and sound thankfully. After the biggest hug in the world he told me the story….

“He and his partner went on pursuit of a vehicle running a red light and the suspect ran a couple of red lights then one more and crashed into some already crashed cars then threw the car in reverse and crashed into the cruiser (was listed as moderately bad damage? But the front end was wrecked completely and the passenger side door, was crushed with the frame of the car) my husband was passenger where the car hit worse and their car was thrown backwards then his partner saw yelled "GUN" the suspect jumped out of his vehicle with a gun in his hand and took off running, hubby's partner jumped out and chased but hubby couldn't get door open, finally did manage to kick it open (I don’t suppose it’s real easy for a big man in vest and belt to jump over the seat and go through the drivers door) and went on chase too, they called K-9 out and set up a search, the guy is still at large. I was originally called during the perimeter set up so before the search was over and the paperwork and booking began.”

Both he and his partner where ok and showed no signs of damage.
We chatted a bit more and discussed the accident. He had a moment that hit him emotionally as he described him and his partner a bit dazed from the wreck and the suspect could have easily walked up and shot them, thankfully he decided to run and not use the gun but it was close.
Last week he had been the arresting Officer in a domestic dispute involving a knife (took the guy down while the man had a knife in his hand) and then another chase, this time on foot, after a suspect that had opened fire on Officers. He and his partner had jumped a huge California style brick wall and he had come close to breaking his ankle when almost landing on a parking curb as well as injured his arms quite badly (though I told him when he wrapped his wrists with a bandage he looked like an attempted suicide and to wear long sleeves).

We joked about him ripping two shirts in one week and how the OT pay from this mornings extra hours will come in handy.

With the latest in the News (i.e. Devon Brown, etc) the Police lives are at even more risk than usual due to people “looking for justice” and so they decide to go shoot at cops or we have another episode of a stolen car and the guy speeding in reverse towards the patrol car and harming the Officers lives as well as others while running red lights and crashing cars.
So as a wife of an Officer I pray even extra through out the day “ Dear God bring him home safe after each and every shift” and give him an extra strong hug when he walks through that door.

At the same time I sit here and ask logical questions of un-logical people, why run from the cop’s? Why run those red lights? Why lead a life of crime and steal cars? Why speed towards an Officer in intent to harm?

I guess the guy one was thinking " oh, well, I can run the car towards the cops but they can't do anything about it now" or some other stupid thing. And as the Police are restricted more and more due to politics their lives become more endangered and they are un-able to do their jobs and apprehend criminals without worrying about lawsuits, losing their jobs and going to prison themselves.
Stolen car, gun, evading arrest and running red lights, driving recklessly, ramming vehicle into citizens cars and patrol car.... and I read a few blogs this week saying that there was no need for cops at all and people could take care of themselves. Hell, the public has shown us they can't control themselves or their children. My husband often refers to himself as a family referee, children are out killing and mothers are dumping babies in the trash, men beat and rape women…. Yes, it seems as if Police are not needed, citizens are doing a great job themselves….
I’ll just have to continue with those prayers…

What do you know about gangs?

2005-03-07T15:08:00.000-08:00

There are many views of the LAPD, as I have found roaming through other Blogs and articles as well as getting into a few personal debates.As a wife of an LAPD Officer I am sure that all think my opinion biased so I am opening this up to your opinions.Here are a few questions for the public who so closely scrutinize the Officers of the LAPD in regards to Los Angeles Gangs.

With a ratio of more than 80,000 gang members( this is a VERY under-estimated amount and not including the more than 100,000 of those in prison) to 9100 LAPD Officers, what would you say the Police could do in terms of how they handle those who look like gang members? ( i.e. gang tat’s, known gang “look’s” ,etc) .
Do you think the Officers are safe enough on the streets at night dealing with a population that in gang members alone, out weighs them by more than 8-1?
How would you make the Officer’s feel more safe and protected in their job so as to lesson “over reacting”?
Are you worried that your child could become a gang member, be approached to enter a gang or cross someone who is in a gang and possibly enter harms way?
How much do you think gangs are involved with drugs, killings and violence in LA? Do you think gangs are as dangerous as everyone makes them out to be?
How would you get gangs off the streets and keep kids out of gangs?
List your thoughts on what a gang member looks like or how you might recognize a gang member .
Many parents are not aware that their child is a gang member . Would you be able to tell if your kid was in a gang and how?

Here is a website with information and facts on gangs .
Here
Parts of an article found Here

"Los Angeles is in terrible shape — again. The city's street gangs, which had been relatively quiet since the crack-cocaine epidemic of the late '80s and early '90s burned itself out, are back with a vengeance. After falling steadily from 1996 to '99, gang murders in the city increased 143% last year; 331 people died because of gang violence, in contrast to 136 in 1999. The violence got worse during the first half of this year, with a 23% increase in murders. Even as gang-related property crimes decrease — robbery is down 8.8%, carjacking is down 28% — other violent crimes are up. Felony assault by gangsters is up 9.7%, attacks on police officers are up 35.5%, witness intimidation is up 50%. In other words, there is less drug dealing and theft, more violence for the sake of violence. "It's a disturbing trend, and there's nothing I am going to be spending more time on," says Hahn, who has discussed the problem with President Bush."…““There are 100,000 gang members in jail in California, and they are getting out at a rate of about 3,000 a month, according to the state's department of corrections. This year alone will see more than 30,000 veteran gang members back on the streets….”“Chino went outside to smoke a joint. As he looked out over the roofs of the low-rent housing, his brow furrowed. "Sometimes I think I could have finished school and gone to college, but then I think, No — if I did it over again, I would be more careful, try not to get busted, make more money from drugs but have more organization. That's what I learned in prison." He has thought about getting a job, but the tattoos on his neck and face are an instant red flag to potential employers. "It's hard to change," he added. "Society pushes you back into the same pile of s___ you came out of. Back into the 'hood, drinking, kicking and selling drugs to a bunch of young kids, preparing them to take your place."

How Are Gangs Identified
Most gang members are proud of their gang and freely admit their membership. Many display tattoos openly and dress in a style identifying their particular gang. Their personal belongings are frequently covered with graffiti and bear the gang’s logo and the member’s gang name.Many individuals on the fringe of gang involvement are reluctant to identify themselves as gang members. They often state that their friends are gang members but they are not. However, rival gang members, shooting from a speeding car, do not make a distinction between a gang member and his associates. Gangs share common characteristics such as the wearing of distinct clothing or using particular hand signs or signals. Although details will vary, the following overview provides general information about the identification of gang members (if outside the city of Los Angeles, check with your local law enforcement agency for current information):

Graffiti. Gangs use graffiti to identify themselves and mark their gang’s "turf" or territory. They also use it to advertise the gang’s status or power and to declare their own allegiance to the gang. The graffiti may include the gang’s name, a member’s nickname, a declaration of loyalty, threats against rival gangs or a description of criminal acts in which the gang has been involved.Gangs frequently gather in dark areas to avoid being seen. In these locations they will often drink, use narcotics, and deface property with graffiti.

Clothing. The uniform of Hispanic gangs is standard and easily recognizable. Most gang members adopt a basic style that includes white t-shirts, thin belts, baggy pants with split cuffs, a black or blue knit cap (beanie) or a bandana tied around the forehead similar to a sweat band.Black gang members are individualistic in their dress. Black gangs tend to identify themselves by adopting certain colors. The "Crips" identify themselves with the colors of blue or black or a combination of the two. "Blood" gangs generally use red accessories, such as caps or bandanas, to identify themselves. While clothing alone cannot positively determine membership in a street gang, color and style serve to identify each gang. Green can either mean the gang member is declaring neutrality for the moment or is a drug dealer. Black is worn by some Hispanic gangs and Heavy Metal Anglo gangs.

Other common gang colors include brown or purple.Note: Some gangs are starting to change their clothing style by no longer wearing their colors in an effort to deceive law enforcement and conceal their gang affiliation. Gang clothing styles can be easily detected because of the specific way gang members wear their clothing. Examples are preferences for wearing baggy or "sagging" pants or having baseball caps turned at an angle. Gang members often prefer particular brands of shoes, pants or shirts. For example, some gangs like to wear plaid shirts in either blue, brown, black or red. These shirts are worn loosely and untucked.
Gang graffiti, symbols, messages or gang names can be written or embroidered on jackets, pants and baseball caps. Other identifying items include belt buckles with the gangs initials, key chains, starter jackets (team jackets), and red or blue bandannas commonly called "rags". Excessive amounts of dark clothing or a predominance of one-color outfits, white t-shirts and levis with upturned cuffs are also indicators of possible gang involvement.

Jewelry. May be expensive or cheap, but the gaudy type is preferred. Examples are heavy gold rope chains, earrings and other large rings.

Weapons. These can include shaven-down baseball bats, sections of pipe taped at the ends, spiked wrist bands, mace, knives, or semi-automatic firearms such as an "Uzi", "AK-47", or "MAC 10.

Other signs that youngsters may have joined gangs include crude and elaborate tattoos, females wearing heavy eye make-up and dark lipstick, fingernails painted a certain color, certain undergarments, gang-colored shoelaces in their athletic shoes and specific hairstyles (such as shaving their heads bald, hair nets, rollers or braids).

From:

LAPDonline.org

Underage Criminals.

2005-03-04T16:54:00.000-08:00

In light of the school bus driver that was recently shot to death by a 14 year old boy in Tennessee and 13 year old Devon Brown who stole a car, evaded Police Officers, sped towards them and crashed the car into a cruiser and was shot by one of the Officers as the car sped towards him, I began thinking of other crimes committed by today’s American youths. Not to long ago was the Columbine shooting. Where the two students Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold walked, fully armed into their school on April 20, 1999 and shot and killed 13 students and wounded many more.

Here’s a great website I found for parents to check out: http://www.19thcircuitcourt.state.il.us/faqs/gangwise.htm

Juvenile and Criminal Justice Data
Key Facts:
In 1999, 1,763 youth under 18 years old were arrested for homicide in the United States.
Homicides committed by youth under 18 years old accounted for 10.1 percent of all homicides in 1999.
The juvenile arrest rate for violent crime in 1999 was 36 percent
Juveniles accounted for 17 percent of all arrests and 16 percent of all violent crime arrests in 1999, including 14 percent of aggravated assault arrests, 17 percent of forcible rape arrests, and 24 percent of weapons arrests in 1999.
More than 840,500 gang members were estimated to be active in the United States in 1999. This number represents an 8 percent increase from 1998, countering the decline from 1996 to 1998 and approaching the estimated high of nearly 846,500 members in 1996.
During the 1998 to 1999 school year, a total of 34 school-aged children were murdered in or around school grounds or on the way to and from school.
http://www.safeyouth.org
I guess this goes to show that a 13-year-old boy can commit the crimes of a man and should be handled no differently by the Police. There are dangers out there every day and each one the Police must handle in a way to protect the community as well as themselves.
Sometimes this means taking harsh actions that are later criticized by the public and the media.
Below are some site’s have more information:
http://ojjdp.ncjrs.org/pubs/96natyouthgangsrvy/surv_6a.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/national/longterm/juvmurders/timeline.htm
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/little/

20th LA Marathon.

2005-03-04T15:35:00.000-08:00

The 20th Los Angeles Marathon is upon us Sunday, March 6th.. And though I am not in I am looking towards finding my first walk/job marathon to do. So if you know of nay send them my way! I will advertise them here and keep them updated on my site.

What I would like is a walk/jog as my first marathon and a marathon for a cause.
I would prefer staying in California but am open for information on out of state for the future and will advertise them on my site anyways.

You can find more information on the LA Marathon at : www.lamarathon.com

Your opinions.

2005-03-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

Wow, the politics are heated on LAblogs and at LAPDwife.com! And the storm is brewing.
To hear some questions put to our running politicians and their answers you can check out either of those sites.
What would you want to change in Los Angeles?

Here are some questions of mine towards the public.

What are you thoughts on adding more LAPD Officers?
What are your thoughts on underage criminals, should they be punished as adults for performing adult crimes?
Who do you choose for Mayor and why?

Also, feel free to send me your blog’s to check out and possibly promote on my site as well.

Surviving the first year of marriage...

2005-03-02T17:30:00.000-08:00

Well, we are almost at our 5 months point in the road here and I thought I would put up a marriage post.
First of all, my marriage is a bit different being that I am married to an LAPD Officer, which brings odd schedules and a certain amount of stress and danger.
I work a full time job myself and we really only see each other on his days off, which is every other day or so. We also have a few weekend days together each month. Other than that he works Watch 5 currently and leaves the house before 3:pm and returns home at 3:am that is if there is no Overtime. Court takes place at 8:30 am and can continue until 5:pm.
On days I work he is getting in bed a few hours before I get out so when I do see him he is sleeping.
I am gone from the house Mon-Fri 7:20am-7: 30pm.

So a few days’ weeks I have my “me” time which I enjoy and a few weekend days a month I get to myself. We will have lunch together before he goes to work on those days but otherwise I shop, talk to family, horse back ride and do my own hobbies, etc.
The evenings I have to myself there be only a few hours until bed. I have dinner, read, and workout and relax.

With no kids at the moment, or if all goes as planned, for about the next five or six years, this schedule works for us great. My husband is much more of a night owl type anyway.
Of course I am a part of some new marriage forums the same as I am a part of Police Wives forums.
We have built a budget, though still making adjustments. We agree on healthy eating and working out as well as organic living.
I am still trying to get him to learn to pick the socks up off the floor and am convinced that the part of the brain that tells them how is somehow removed upon saying “ I Do”.
I still get candlelight on his night to cook though…even if it is pizza.
I love my in-laws and could not have gotten luckier in that department with the whole family.

I can't get over the fact that I have a "Husband" and often tell him.. he make allot of jokes.
The comic strip CATHY went through the wedding plans and are now in marriage right along with us. This strip cracks me up and is so true and close to our reality!

What is your first year marriage advice? How do you keep your marriage happy and healthy?

If you are old enough to do crime...

2005-03-02T15:43:00.000-08:00

...you are old enough to do the time.

If you can commit the crime you should be punished same as adult.

This is my opinion about the underage and the death penalty.
Many in prison have committed murder before age 18. Being an adult or of age has nothing to do with it when it comes to murder. If some one a day older than 18 can be put to the death penalty than someone a day younger should be too. If you kill or commit the crimes they should reach their full judgment as well.

Here’s an article with more information…

http://www.ncpa.org/pi/crime/pd012400e.html

Crisis among Black Men is America.

2005-03-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

I read this article and wondered what anyone else thought as well as opinions and ideas on how to change this.

“Crisis Among U.S. Black Men < elGringoSubvertico > 03/02 09:04:23 WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A batch of new studies suggesting that black males in the United States are falling ever further behind other groups in health, education and employment has ignited a debate within the black community about who is to blame and what can be done. 51 percent of all HIV diagnoses were among blacks The rate of infection among black men was 103.5 per 100,000 individuals -- around seven times that of white men and three times the rate among Latinos A study by the Justice Policy Institute showed that black men in their early 30s were nearly twice as likely to have prison records than bachelors degrees “ www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=ourWorldNews&storyID=7784192&pageNumber=1

LAPD reaching out to help....

2005-03-01T16:16:00.000-08:00

This is a Press Release I found on the Official LAPD website….perhaps Devon Brown and his parents should have attended ."Boot Camp and Parenting Classes

for At-risk Youth in South Los Angeles"
Los Angeles: Beginning February 19, 2005, the Los Angeles Police Department will host a 10-week military-style boot camp for at-risk juveniles between the ages of 12 and 17 years old. The program is part of LAPD's Juvenile Impact Program. Many of the participants have been mandated to attend by court order. Their parents will also participate in parenting classes.
The parenting classes and the boot camp will be held at 77th Street police station officers. The overall goal of this program is to modify children and parents' behavior and improve their communication skills and self-esteem. Police officers will provide instruction in drill and physical training at the boot camp. Los Angeles Unified School District teachers and counselors will train participants on communication and anger-management skills.
Parenting classes will focus on teaching parents proper discipline techniques, setting proper boundaries, and how to recognize gang and narcotics involvement.
This is the second year for the program at 77th Street Police Station. Class enrollment is usually 40 to 50 students, who attend on ten consecutive Saturdays, starting at 8 AM.
Interested parents can contact 77th Street Division Officer Joseph Marrone at 213-485-4285.
This news release was prepared by the Los Angles Police Department's Media Relations Section, which can be reached at 213-485-3586.

At-Risk kids.

2005-03-01T16:14:00.000-08:00

Child-care advocates claim that up to 15% of 16- to 19-yearolds are at risk of never reaching their potential and simply becoming lost in society. Others would add to this category children of any age if they were at risk of not becoming self-supporting adults, headed for a life in institutions for delinquency, crime, mental illness, addiction, and dependency. We could also describe as “at risk” those teens and preteens who take on child rearing them and drop out of school.

K-9 versus homeless pitbulls.

2005-03-01T16:13:00.000-08:00

Another post I came across about the Pit-bull shot by an LAPD Officer after attacking her read “ The cops dogs attack us all the time and are allowed to, it’s not fare that our dogs can not attack back”.

Are people this stupid?

First of all, the Police K-9 dogs are trained at stopping some one when in pursuit from an Officer or to hunt a suspect out of hiding or basically “arrest” when needed. They are used on suspects and criminals. If you are not doing anything illegal then you have nothing to worry about. If you are not running or hiding from Police, then you have nothing to worry about. If you are obeying the law…then you have nothing to worry about.

K-9 dogs are well cared for, up to date on shots, healthy and not filled with fleas. They are well fed and cared for, well groomed and trained. They are on leashes except when it is necessary to release for pursuit of a suspect or a missing child or to find a bomb or drugs, etc. They are not homeless dogs who have to care for themselves, are underfed and hungry and faster to be frightened and defend and are not living in alleyways in the cold and rain.

Need I say more?

On another note for all the Pet Rescues and animal control, as well as PETA, etc.
Many people are not allowed to adopt a dog from your groups without having a yard, a doggie door and at home with them 24/7 among other reasons that you see fit for someone to adopt a dog from you or to own one at all. Why then is everyone sticking up for a dog that was living in an ally and has had to live through the cold and rainy weather (that we especially that have had lately)? The dog’s “owner” may have had shots, etc. updated but that was paid for by someone else, is this dog going to have this each and every year? Is it going to receive all the vet care it needs when needed? Is it cared fro and prevented from worms and fleas? Half the homeless humans on the streets have life fleas, lice and even maggots on them…what keeps them from being on a dog as well? Is a dog of a homeless person living in a shed in an ally guaranteed to always have food and enough of it? What about clean water? Was this dog on a leash keeping him safe from running into the street or being attacked by other dogs or attacking other dogs, children or Police officers? Was the “owner” of this dog following the laws and keeping him on the leash? Would any of you from adoption agencies adopt a dog to a homeless person?

Again…Need I say more?

Parents who need help.

2005-03-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

http://www.lapdonline.org/press_releases/2004/09/pr04445.htm

Above is a link and contact information from an LAPD press release that has info for parents who need help controlling their children.

As with the Devon Brown case we see that there is a need.

Let us remember our fallen Officers on this day.

2005-02-28T17:12:00.000-08:00

In the recent shooting of a 13 year old and many people crying out about abuse from Police officers or try to say that our officers are "trigger happy" .Officers put themselves at risk and in danger each and every day to save people and keep our community safe as well as uphold the law.
There is such an outcry because an Officer does his job and the community doesn't’t like it but lets remember that the community doesn't’t always work with the police or uphold the laws that is why we have a need for them.

Today is the eight year anniversary of...
The North Hollywood bank robbery of 2.28.1997
I recommend that you watch the movie " 44 Minutes" and see what this was about, when you watch it make sure to remember that this was real life. "http://harrymarnell.com/officer.htm">http://harrymarnell.com/officer.htm
at this site you can listen to a few moments of the dispatch recordings.
There, at the time, where not any Police Departments trained for this type of incident but thankfully no lives where lost due to the high quality of training and ways of thinking of our LAPD Officers.

"An event that took place in February 28th 1997. A series of bank robberies culminated in quite possibly the most violent shootout in modern American police history. The lives of 36 patrons and 12 employees were endangered when two heavily armed men wearing body armor decided to rob the Bank of America in North Hollywood. Seen entering the bank by Los Angeles police officers, the two men intimidated employees and patrons by firing shots inside while not realizing that Los Angeles police officers were surrounding the building. As they left the bank, the robbers became aware of their predicament and began shooting at police and civilians. Three civilians and nine officers were shot within the first five minutes of the shootout, and a total of 350 officers were called to the scene. As police bullets bounced off the suspects, it became evident that the two men were wearing body armor and had out-gunned the police with their armor piercing bullets and semiautomatic weapons. A total of seven civilians and eleven LAPD officers were injured. Despite the overwhelming odds, many heroic officers, while in grave danger, initiated officer and citizen rescues as the suspects continued to exchange shots with other officers. The suspects fired more than 1,100 rounds from their semiautomatic assault rifles. Eventually, one suspect committed suicide and members of the LAPD SWAT team shot and killed the other."
http://www.student.oulu.fi/~hmikkola/shootout.html">
This took place in November of 2003 in Burbank, CA.
"Officer Pavelka was shot and killed while backing up another officer during a traffic stop at 1845 hours. The driver of the SUV was unable to produce a driver's license or vehicle registration during the stop. Both occupants of the vehicle then exited the car, each with two handguns, and opened fire on the officers. The suspects fired over 30 rounds from the handguns, striking both officers. Although critically wounded, both officers were able to return fire and killed one of the suspects. The second suspect escaped but was captured two weeks later in Tijuana, Mexico. Several semi-automatic rifles and methamphetamine were also found in the vehicle during the ensuing investigation. The suspect was charged murder and attempted murder and if convicted he faces the death penalty. His two brothers were also arrested and charged with aiding in his escape. Both brothers were found guilty and sentenced to 18 months in prison. Officer Pavelka had only served with the Burbank Police Department for 10 months, and had previously served as a United States Air Force Security Police officer for four years." http://www.ompd.org">http://www.ompd.org

Police Officer Ricardo Lizarraga
Los Angeles Police Department California
End of Watch: Friday, February 20, 2004
Biographical Info Age: 31Tour of Duty: 2½ yrsBadge
Number: 36046
Incident Details Cause of Death: GunfireDate of Incident:
Friday, February 20, 2004Weapon Used: Handgun
Suspect Info: Committed Suicide
Officer Lizarraga was shot and killed while investigating a domestic disturbance in the Leimert Park area of Los Angeles. He and his partner were flagged down by a woman while on patrol. The woman informed the two officers she was having problems with a friend and wanted him removed from her home. As the officers approached the man to search him, he pulled out a handgun and opened fire, striking Officer Lizarraga in the abdomen, below his vest. Officer Lizarraga's partner returned fire as the suspect fled the scene. Officer Lizarraga was transported to a local hospital where he died from his wounds approximately 2 hours later. The suspect was arrested about 3 hours after the shooting during a large manhunt. The shooter was a gang member who was on parole and had a long criminal history. The suspect attempted to hang himself in his cell a few hours after his first court appearance. He died the next day from the wounds he received in that attempt. Officer Lizarraga had served with the Los Angeles Police Department for 2.5 years. He is survived by his wife.
http: year="2004&submit=go"

On : http://www.odmp.org
For the year 2005 as of 2.28.05 holds a list of 16 American Officers Killed .Eight of them by gunfire alone, 1 a stabbing .This is only the last day of the 2nd month of the year so far.
In the year 2004 155 Officers died in America. Fourteen of them in California.

This does not count the injured and wounded.

Hollywood through not-so-rose colored glasses

2005-02-28T12:22:00.000-08:00

I have posted a link to an article that is interesting and truth for Hollywood.

Many young people come here for fame, my husband being one of them and who graduated from the Academy of Dramatic Arts, but joined the LAPD after he realized that servings tables and trying to find auditions wasn't going to pay the bills forever.
He still holds on to his dream of writing a book or a screenplay and perhaps someday he will still be able to follow his dream . But for now he made the choice to quit waiting tables...and waiting for auditions and joined the Police Academy.
Perhaps he will find time to write during the next 18 years before retirement or perhaps he'll retire first and before he can hold up in his study, pounding out his thoughts and ideas on a keyboard. But he woke up and met reality that at the age of 25 he was past waiting tables and being a "starving actor". He looked forward to a future with a family and knew that his current career path was not going to take him in the right direction at the moment.

In the meantime he saves up all new knowledge as a Police officer with the LAPD and gains new insight that may one day help his writing ability's.

Finding a different career path is not taking away his dream, if anything at times he talks of how much his current career and what he learns add's and builds to it.

These young kids with stars in their eye's need not become homeless to achieve their dream. They can work regular jobs and go to college and still achieve them , in fact, it often helps and gives insight.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20050227/ap_on_re_us/homeless_in_Hollywood

Star's and stage names.

2005-02-28T11:13:00.000-08:00

I ended up sitting on the bus all the way home the other night next to this young lady my own age who was out job searching here in LA.
She handed me her resume when I mentioned job openings at my own company and as soon as I saw her name I about choked…ok, she is not likely to ever read this and I don’t want to be a mean person but I’ll say it “ Sparkles” it read….Oy!

She was a young lady trying to make it in the music business as well this was her “stage name”. Now, parents often give terrible names but when we give ourselves even worse names I must worry about the sanity of that person.

When I saw her name, instead of thinking of recommending her for a job at my corporate office in LA I thought it would fit better in a porn video.
Why do these young star chasing people think the way they do sometimes?

Well, I arrived home and asked my once –actor husband if he had ever done the “stupid stage name” thing. He laughed and said. “ Long story”. I learned the name and the story behind its short-lived history over dinner. I now have new material for teasing my husband with.

I often am asked if I came to Los Angeles from Texas to act or model or any of the many other reasons in show business. I did not. Even though I had a time in modeling (New York, not California) I never even meant to do that and fell into it. I have never been a person who wanted to be a star. I never had a stage name and I enjoyed it while it lasted then left it when it was becoming more of a job then fun since it wasn’t my dream.

When I tell people that I did not come to LA for any careers in the entertainment business I am asked “ Then what are you here for?”.

Well, I jumped in a truck and drove out west plain and simple.
I fell in love enough to stay. Yes, there are it’s up’s and down’s and I miss the country but then I take a long drive.
Los Angeles has a lot to offer and is not much different from Houston. I’m here to stay, especially now that I happened to fall in love with a man who is contracted to the city.

I live in the City of Angels.
I loved that movie. I love the romance behind that name. I might not always live in Los Angeles but I plan to stay in California.
I have traveled to Mount Shasta and lived a summer up there. I have driven over the Golden Gate Bridge in complete awe. I have driven along the coast and watched the Sea lions basking in the sun, gone to the mid-state fair, explored caves in Pismo Beach and been married on Coronado Island.
There’s more reason for California than Los Angeles itself but this is where life has set my roots and I am content.

No, I am not here to be the next star even if I get one more person telling me I look like Jennifer Gardner. I am not even a star struck fan, though I did enjoy it when my favorite TV show, Alias, was filming in the building where I work. But now the many movie sets around here are just a matter of life. My husband once drove onto a set while on patrol though and they where filming a scene with a cop car, he thought it was a little ironic as he had been the starving actor for years, become a cop then happens onto a movie set where actors are pretending to be cops.

When we where going on our first date he made a comment about not being a rich man and I told him “ you tell me you where an actor, I picture a professional waiter, you tell me you are now a cop, I don’t expect much more in the pay. I am not expecting a rich man”.

Aw, Los Angeles, Hollywood…where young people with stars in their eye’s come to try their best.

Perhaps if I wherever approached, discovered they call it, with a great part and a large check I would consider it for a time, but then again, stars fade….

LAPD heads for the big screen!

2005-02-28T11:08:00.000-08:00

The LAPD is hitting the theaters! The ARMY and Marines have recruited in this fashion for years, now the LAPD is joining them in advertising in theaters with short movies designed and made to capture the audience!

The ARMY and Marines have been using these methods for ages to recruit young men and women who otherwise did not have much of a future.
Like the ARMY and marines the LAPD also offers a chance to go to college by reimbursing at the CAL State level.

This is a great opportunity for LA’s men and women!

You can find the information at: JoinLAPD.com

LAPD breaks into showbiz!

Police Shootings

2005-02-26T17:24:00.000-08:00

I had to share this portion of a letter from another losangeles.craiglist.org post

Shooting, dogs, tigers and PEOPLE. Police shootings use to be a yearly thing. Now it seems like every week, In LA County. (Them against us attitude of government and law enforcement), today.

I agree with this writer, shootings are beginning to be a regular thing…many of our Officers are shot on a much more regular basis than time gone by…. we should stop that huh?

But on the serious side, Police Shootings, if you think they are up then perhaps think about the fact the crime is as well from a few decades ago. The drugs are more potent and the gangs are more dangerous. Dogs are regularly breed to fight and kill and Police Deal with Pit bulls all the time. My husband won’t even allow us to own a pit ever because of what he has to deal with at work.
Tigers on the lose (which was not shot by Police but by Game and wildlife??). Well, if we could possibly have any responsible animal or pet owners then this would not have happened. Why doesn’t PETA get on the owners for owning a Tiger like this AND letting it lose to wander around, be hurt and starve as well and not even report it? How the hell do you LET a Tiger get lose to begin with?
If dogs where on leashes and not on sleeping in some ally owned by a homeless person (why isn’t it a bad thing that the dog was out in this cold rain we’ve been having too?) then there would have been no reason to have to shoot it.

If people where not out stealing cars, weaving like a drunk driver, evading arrest and trying to run over an Officer, crashing into a cruiser which costs tax payers money to fix then he would not have been shot either.

Your right people, the world are a bad place because people cannot follow the laws.

Racism or Ignorance?

2005-02-25T17:01:00.000-08:00

I have been reading the LA Times among other writings, of the shooting of 13 year old Devon Brown who was out at 4:am stealing a car and speed back wards towards an LAPD Officer, trying to evade arrest and run the Officer down as well as crashing the car and was shot by that Officer he was speeding towards.

This is a line from the an LA Times article .“"Be prepared to die!" screamed a small group of protesters led by a man with a sign that read, "Death to Pigs." "Be prepared to kill!"

Yes…this will give us faith NOT to shoot every black man we pull over for now on. I mean, come on people! Stop showing how ignorant you truly are!

More….
“Kevin Ferguson was working in the stockroom of a corner market, which was busy with locals getting off work and protesters looking for snacks. Ferguson led a stranger to the stockroom to give his take on the incident.Yes, he said, the LAPD needed to be held accountable for what appeared to be a questionable use of force. But he also wondered how Devin Brown ended up in that situation Sunday morning."We don't deserve the treatment we get, but I also think we shouldn't put ourselves in a position where we do get treated that way," Ferguson said. "But I have a 13-year-old at home, and guess what? He's going to stay home."

I agree with most of this, I do not agree that the Officer was in the wrong though.

I also have to bring up the fact that there is always such a racial issue between the LAPD and the Black community but the Police Officer’s last name was Garcia, ok, yes, EVERONE is out to get the black man right? Oh, and before I get any racial bashing...I come from an interraccial family.

It goes on…”"There's no human relations," he said. "There's no people skills. Once they put on those uniforms, they become part of a gang. And the irony is, we pay for their jobs."

Well, we would have time for chatting and human relations if we had more Officer’s, but some people of a certain class also do not associate with gang members and thugs stealing cars either….sorrrry. I do have to point out that we pay taxes. Basically we pay ourselves.

…..”The area, wedged between Culver City and Inglewood, is one of the wealthiest black neighborhoods in the country. "I think he shouldn't have never stole the car," Kessee said. "I think they ought to stop stealing cars. If something happens, that's life."

And…”LAPD's February shooting of a white robbery victim in Santa Monica, after he backed his car toward a police cruiser. But as she saw it, most incidents like the Devin Brown shooting happened disproportionately in black neighborhoods.”

Another article reads, "Police committed another racist killing Feb. 6." Referring to the shooting of the 13-year-old boy. How is this found racist? If these morons want to know about racism go visit the south!

…..”And many citizens, black and white, wondered why the cops were shouldering all the blame for an incident that started because a 13-year-old was driving illegally, in a stolen car, at 4 in the morning. "We see young, innocent kids killed by gangbangers, and we don't see [this much] outrage," says white City Councilman Dennis Zine.”

When Beasts Attack….

2005-02-24T15:09:00.000-08:00

Well, well....
I sometimes roam around on Losangeles.craiglist.org for amusement and the best place to go for boredom reading is the pets section and lately there has been a heated topic about the LAPD on there.
So I read the debate that is going back and forth and it seems that we have quite a few supporters on the side of LAPD Officer’s.

This is what has been happening…

“In case you didn't hear about this story already, I would like to call your attention to the police shooting of a 10-year old dog here in Los Angeles. The text of a story from today's LA Times can be found below. I would like to urge citizens of Los Angeles and members of anti-cruelty groups to write to Mayor Hahn, the LAPD, and others to call this to their attention and express your feelings about this senseless shooting. Or call them! Here are some email addresses to express your concern: MayorHahn@mayor.lacity.org questions@lapdonline.org info@spcaLA.com letters@latimes.com Below is the text of the story: Police Shooting of Dog Sparks Anger LAPD says the pit bull, licensed to a man living off an alley, menaced a bike patrol. Those who knew the animal say she was not aggressive. By Bob Pool Times Staff Writer February 19, 2005 Slow-moving and heavy-set, Teri the pit bull was the pride of animal lovers who find homes for stray dogs roaming the streets of downtown Los Angeles. Leaders of the Downtown Dog Rescue would take those curious about their organization to an alley off 7th Place, where Teri lived with her master, Benny Josephs. Teri's photo even appears with Josephs' in the group's 2005 calendar, representing April. But Teri won't be around to see the calendar page when it's flipped over at Josephs' alley alcove. On Wednesday, a Los Angeles police officer shot the animal in front of the gate to the pair's makeshift home. A city animal control officer said Teri died on the way to a clinic. Police assert that the 70-pound dog attacked a column of four bicycle patrol officers riding through the alley west of Mateo Street. The last officer in line, 10-year-veteran Gina Iglesias, fired the fatal shot "fearing for her safety," police said Friday. "The apparently startled dog bared its teeth and attacked," officials said in a statement. None of the officers was injured; Iglesias, who is assigned to the Newton station, has been temporarily taken off field duty while a routine investigation into the shooting takes place, police said. Angry dog-rescue volunteers and workers in the industrial neighborhood on the eastern edge of downtown condemned the shooting as unnecessary and officers' actions afterward as unconscionable. A private security guard stationed in the alley was apparently the only witness to the shooting. On Friday he declined to comment. Manuel Maldonado, a DHL delivery driver who works from a warehouse next to the shooting site, said he encountered Teri moments before the bicycle patrol pedaled up. "I'd pulled into the alley and the dog was sleeping. I got out to tell her to move — you pet her and she'll move out of the way. A little later I heard a gunshot and went back to look and she was lying there in the same spot," Maldonado said. "I don't think she even barked," he added. "This was unnecessary." Driver Rollee Salgado said the bullet fired at Teri ricocheted into a green car parked in the alley. "That dog was like a daughter to Benny. We'd give him food, and he'd turn around and give it to her," Salgado said. Others who work nearby also said they doubted that the 10-year-old pit bull posed a serious threat to the officers. "She was never aggressive. I never even heard her growl. There's no way she would attack," said Michael Faye, a photographer whose studio is nearby and who had known the dog for three years. Mark Helf, an art director working at the studio on a sportswear advertising photo shoot, described the scene as heart-wrenching. "They wouldn't let Benny go to his dog, even to put a compress on the wound. He had to basically watch his dog bleed to death and die over a two-hour period. "I heard Benny plead, 'Please, please shoot my dog, put it out of its misery.' They wouldn't even do that," Helf said. Josephs, who heard the gunshot but did not see the shooting, said he tried to aid his wounded dog but was blocked by police. "Teri tried to get up and kept falling down. They wouldn't let me help her," he said. The 58-year-old Josephs, who does odd jobs in exchange for permission to live in a small shed in a fenced-in alcove off the alley, was one of Downtown Dog Rescue's first clients when it was created in 1998. Rescue workers had found him overwhelmed with strays that he had taken in. Eventually, volunteers found new homes for 10 adult dogs and 40 puppies he was struggling to feed. Josephs kept Teri and two other older dogs after the rescue group spayed and neutered them and helped him license them. On Friday, Josephs used cans of dog food to illustrate where the officers were positioned as they rode through the alley. He said a male officer riding tandem with another rider indicated that he had fired the shot. "The one officer said he thought the dog was going to do something to the lady" riding at the rear of the group, Josephs said. "He said he was fearful for his partner." Josephs said police closely inspected the green car that he said was punctured by the ricocheting bullet. He said it belongs to a woman whose name he did not know but who works in the area. Detectives investigating the shooting would not comment. An LAPD spokeswoman said the report filed after the incident did not indicate that a vehicle had been struck by a bullet. The department's Force Investigation Division is probing the incident. Organizers of Downtown Dog Rescue, meantime, were calling Friday for a wider investigation. Rescue founders Lori Weise and Richard Tuttlemondo said Josephs was essentially dismissed as a homeless transient by authorities, even though Teri was licensed to him at the 7th Place address. She believes the officer's actions were excessive and dangerous to the entire neighborhood. "If they felt threatened, why didn't they just Mace her?" Weise said. "Postmen do it every day."

Ok, my first opinion and thoughts are that for one thing, many dogs that are trusted and long time family pets have been left alone in a room with a new baby or a young child and then parents leaves them alone for a split second and comes back to find that their baby has been mauled. So to say that this dog would absolutely NOT EVER bite or growl to make an Officer feel the need to defend themselves is absolutely ridicules and since apparently no one actually saw the whole incident then who’s to say right?
I have also ridden horse back and been approached by dogs that I have to mace or if I have a gun ( in Texas) have had to shoot or once had to grab a 2x4 laying nearby after being thrown from my horse and beat the dog off from the attack.
I am an animal lover myself and have always had dogs but if it comes to protecting myself I do what it takes.

Another thing to point out is that there are leash laws in California, if I came upon a dog, especially one as intimidating as a Pitbull then I would feel threatened even if the dog didn’t make to attack me.
I have even owned dogs that have a need it seems, to chase after anything on a bike or perhaps the dog was startled and even just growled , if I held a gun as protection I would shoot without a second though! Especially when in some back ally.

This was also a dog belonging to a homeless man. Did this dog have up to date shots? Would you take the chance of finding out after the dog bit your arm off?

Another quote reads” Benny did say that a male officer came over to him and said "I am sorry that I shot your dog, but I thought that he was going to bite my partner.".

One quote that made me spit out my tea was this “I cannot image a reason to shot a dog unless it was already biting a person or child or another animal for that matter”…..Who the heck would sit there and watch a dog coming after their small child and let a pitbulls strong jaws enclosed on it before taking action? Geesh, I almost had to laugh at this one it was so stupid.

This writer goes on to say “I understand completely that there are a lot of animals that are either naturally aggressive or trained that way, but in the same regard there are also people who are naturally aggressive and trained that way too.”

Yes , I say, and we shoot them too.

“If the police department is train to deal with Humans that are a threat to them selves as well as other may it is time for our police force to be trained how to properly deal with animals as well.”

That’s the Animal Control’s job…but if we have a gun, feel the need to shoot for our safety or the safety of the community then we have the right…we are trained that way.

“To shot someone's Dog is one thing but to let them bleed to death in front of an owner and not let that owner even help or hold is pet is down right cruel and UN humane.”

They must treat this like any other crime and shooting scene, if a child was lying shot and killed, bleeding they would also hold the mother back from the scene as well. This is their job so that the scene can be investigated properly.

There are also posts that support us, here’s a look at one “Thank you to whom ever posted the addresses to contact in regards to this event. I for one am going to contact everyone I can regarding this act, and tell the police that I support them. That's right, I SUPPORT THEM! Police officers have enough to worry about without being menaced by dogs. Neither mace nor pepper spray is effective enough to guarantee the safety of an Officer. There have been reports of pit bulls having been struck over the head with a 2x4, kicked, sprayed with water, had their jaws pried apart with screwdrivers, and many other actions to try to stop an attack. IF you have a dog that's off leash and menacing someone, the police are justified in doing what is necessary to prevent an injury. Which is more important, canine or human life? Sure, all life is precious, but when someone is being chased down by a breed of dog that's known to attack, the human life comes first!”.

Thanks for the support and good words!

Understanding your Cop’s life and making an LEO family successful

2005-02-24T10:09:00.000-08:00

“I want you to know how wonderful each and every day has been, not only since our wedding - but since the day we met. You sometimesfeel like you can't do anything right. As far as I'm concerned, you doEVERYTHING right. You are the sweetest, most beautiful, most wonderfulwoman I've ever met. I have never seen anyone pour themselves into tryingto understand what their husband does for a living like you do”.

The above is a quote from something my own husband wrote to me on Valentines Day of this year. It’s the last line that I post this for. This was the best compliment I have ever heard and made me realize that the things I do to be a good wife do not go un-noticed by my dear Husband.

What it was above its true. I read anything I can get my hands on, I compliment him and tell him all the time that I am proud of him and I read his Police magazines and websites besides going to my own LEO spouse groups and websites (my favorite being LAPDwife.com). I read every book about life with LEO family’s and marriage that I can find as well as even read books that he uses to study with or books written by cops that show allot of how a cop’s life is even if it’s just a novel. I talk to other cops’ and cop’s wives and get all the advice I can get, listen to all the stories that I am told and read every article I come across.

Not only do I learn how to be a wife to a Police Officer but I want to be his friend, his confidant and understand what it is he goes through each day so that I can better understand how to deal with what may come or help him out of a depression or help our marriage NOT become another Police marriage divorce statistic.

I encourage him and offer to go to the shooting range with him so that he can get in more shoot time and still spend time together as this is important to both of us.
I work out with him to help him stay motivated and fit which is a safety on his job and I stay fit too. We go jogging together in the park and enjoy time together at the same time as being healthy.
I listen to his day and am sure I always ask him how his day was too. I let him vent when he needs to vent but I also throw up the red flag when needed, if I feel that there is a better way for him to handle a situation like traffic when we are together, I let him know as well as seek out advice.

I don’t let him being a Police Officer is an excuse for any actions that are unacceptable to our marriage. I help him find another way to vent, I go ask questions at the boxing gym and bring home information to se if he wants to start a new hobby (which he does). I encourage new hobbies or ways to vent or release his stress.
I even try not to nag about little things but also do let him know that I need him to clean off the bathroom sink and if he can do just that small thing I won’t nag and add to raised blood pressure.

I wait until his days off to ask him to clean and do things around the house, and even I myself get too busy to get things done on my own workdays so why should I expect more from him than I do myself?
It’s allot of compromise and following the age-old advice “ sometimes let the little things go” But I also follow the advice I was given once that adds to that saying “ but don’t the little things become big things, don’t let them be ignored and don’t let it build up anger inside of you. Just go about getting things done in a different manner”.

My husband is not controlling by nature but even so I am a stubborn person and would simply not allow control to be an issue in our marriage. I would seek counseling and often this can be free at a local church or through books and websites but then if further help is needed, get it before it’s too late.

At the same time my husband gives back to the work I do to understand him.
I train and ride horses and am hoping to start showing soon as well.
He surprises me with new subscriptions to horse magazines, and with books and videos on horses.
He encourages me in my hobby and finding a new horse to lease when needed.
He went searching on horse websites to find out information of equipment that I needed among more.

Our only rule is “ Don’t get hurt” and “ wear a helmet at all times”.
Ok, my compromise is I wear the helmet and don’t TRY to get hurt on purpose at least!
Not so bad and I should anyways.

I even get back rubs after a long day of riding.

In return I give him backrubs on his days off (since that’s when I see him) and I follow tips from his chiropractor, this is a blessing to him at times after spending long days with that heavy duty belt on.
I even bought him a new game for his X-Box for Christmas.

In return he will also help around the house, run errands and pick up dry-cleaning and make dinner (ok, ok, so he orders pizza but at least it’s always presented in candle light).

No marriage can be truly 50/50 I think, as we will never make the same amount of money, I make a certain amount now but with raises and a climb up the ladder my pay changes. In years his will too.
When one of us has more time we do extra chores around the house or errands and such, if it’s a week with his days off filled with court when he should be sleeping, I’ll pick up the slack for that week, he’ll pick up the slack on another week when I work overtime at my job.

It’s a harmony. I work towards keeping it that way. There are bumps in the road but we pull out the bulldozer and smooth them out.

Cops who don’t leave work at work.

2005-02-23T12:49:00.000-08:00

I spend some time on many sites and groups as well as blogs and in many places I find that there is allot of good reading material and helpful advice for being married to a cop but sometimes I feel like saying “ What ?” Because I don’t always understand peoples way’s of thinking.

On today’s note let me bring up the subject about the cops that don’t leave work at work.
Now, for one thing, many things need and will be brought home but sometimes I read what these spouses have to deal with and I feel very thankful that my husband is not like many of their husbands.

For example, I just read a post where the wife stated “I have issues with DH always being a cop. He wont even take family pictures unless he wears his uniform”.

Ok, I have to say that in many cases I might use my own husband as an example because he doesn’t seem to be like allot of off-duty cops.
Other times I’ll just give my own opinion on what I would just plain put my foot down to and as any spouse should!

The above quote would be something that for one, my DH would not do (except for our wedding) but for two I must ask the spouse “ Why are you as a wife letting him do that?” If you did something like that…like say take all your pictures nude or in a farmer type jump suit he would say something…wouldn’t he? And he would ask for you to change that issue…right?
If he were a UPS man would he always wear his uniform for pictures (no offense to the UPS uniform=)?

In my opinion I believe that in marriage there are times when you can look at someone and say “ no, not that dress” or “ Look, this can’t continue like this”.
I ask you, have you said anything to him about this? Have you asked him to wear something else or take a picture with his child or wife and NOT be in uniform? If not, why not? If so, what the heck was his reaction? And if he said no then where is his part in compromising in the marriage?

I also read and hear about driving like they are on code three all the time…even with a baby in the back seat, lest remember that you are not in a car with lights and sirens!

Then there are the Officers who have to always be at work…I mean; they have radios in their vehicles or at home all the time. Why would you want to listen to Police radio at every moment off-duty and not take the time to talk to your family or spend time with them? You also have to hear that damn thing for more hours than I can count! Why would you want to hear it all at home? When do you take your time to leave your job and relax? I have to ask…what is your blood pressure?
Would you want your wife to bring home loads of paperwork from her job and not spend time with you because she is always paying attention to something that is not necessary, (or hey, if you are a nurse, start bringing home your patients=) relaxing or even a hobby? Or hey…ladies, get a job as a photographer for Calvin Clyne underwear models and start bringing your work home then! (Just a joke sweetie=).

The wives I hear from see this as a large problem, many of these wives feel neglected and with good reason, leave work at work and enjoy your relax time, time with family and good conversation.

My husband study’s, read’s, watches video’s and work’s out among things like hitting the shooting range on occasion and these things are essential for his safety and work and he enjoys reading anyways like I myself am always reading horse training books. He also watches the video’s while working out in our home gym so that’s two birds with one stone and I again watch horse training video’s so that’s an even scale for us…. but he doesn’t have to catch all the bad guy’s or ask any creep looking guy’s to “spread ‘me” or keep a radio with him at all times (ok, well in the beginning straight out of the Academy he was suspicious of EVERYBODY but he cooled down on the quickly.
He loves his job but it’s still a job, I enjoy my horses but I leave them at the barn ya know? So guys …cool it K?

Now for the wives complaining about the hours of work…. here goes.
My husband currently works Watch 3 (he’s gone from home from 2:30 pm to 3:am). He works about 15 days a month. He also has court. I work and with travel am out of the house from 7:20-7:30 Mon-Fri.
When he gets a weeknight off I enjoy his company to no end, I get a candle lit dinner often and a great back massage and the house has been cleaned up (ok, not the way I would do it but better than nothing right?) often store, dry-cleaner and other errands have been done during his day and so when I get home I enjoy his company after my own long day of work. On the weekend days he has off we enjoy each other’s time together as well and hit the movies and dinner out and so on.
But then there are the days he works, a few weeknights a each week I get my “Me” time, I come home from a long day of work and don’t have to bother with too much cooking, though I eat healthy and still need to continue that even when he’s not there though I am more willing to eat left over's than he is. I plop on the couch and read my book or watch a show that I might be ahead of him on or that movie that I want to see and he doesn’t, talk to my friends or family and so on.
On the weekend days that he works we often have some time together working out and have lunch together among other things until he goes to work. He’s up from about 12 and leaves at 2:45. Before he is up I can spend same cuddle time and sleep and I often go horseback riding, to the farmers market, work out, hike, go to my favorite bagel place or the grocery store, etc. Then some time in the afternoon with him before work and then I hit the mall, meet up with friends or do what ever I listed for morning that I didn’t do and do it in the afternoon instead. Talk to family read, etc. Oh…. and there’s always house cleaning and laundry that can fill my time!
I am used to sleeping alone since being single and we just married in October and he was on the same shift then. I do miss him when he is gone, more so the first day after a stretch of days off but I deal with it because this is the way of life…our’s at least. I don’t resent it in the least. I enjoy my time alone and not entertaining or answering to some one at times. And I very much enjoy my time with him as well.
When there are kids things might change but even then I brace for them being difficult and odd schedules as well. Until then I learn what I can and see the benefits of an odd schedule as well. (I can never get to places on weekdays because of work that close by five so on a week day he is off he’ll go for me).
I make the best of it.

He could be working another type job such as many of the men that are at my office job work until 10 at night and with drive time are not home until about 11:pm!
If he was a restaurant manager he would often be working until the restaurant closed and everything was cleaned and prepped for the next day, this can be 1: AM.
If he was a Vet he might be out dealing with a sick horse late at night or if a Doctor he would be spending long hours at work and at odd times.

Remember that the life of Law Enforcement Officer is not the only one that can be hard on the home life.
We must learn to be flexible.

This past Christmas we spent the weekend before with his parents, the Wednesday before together because he worked that weekend. I was also pleasantly surprised at 3:am with bunches of flowers.

I also have friends and acquaintances or other spouses that have nothing to do with Law Enforcement and yet they have many of their own complaints that we seem to think are our’s alone.

Examples are:

The husband never has time for the kids, works late, comes home sits in a chair with a beer in front of the TV and never moves the rest of the night.
Works weekends often
Travels with their job.
Low sex life
No time for romance
Has a sexy assistant and you are insecure (many spouses of Officer are worried about their Police spouse cheating).
The wives do all the housework, husbands do nothing.
The wives take care of the kids, husbands, nothing.
The wives have to be the disciplinarian.
The wives do the errands, grocery shopping, etc.
The husbands spend the weekends golfing and the wives get no “Me” time.

And the list goes on…. in any family, in any job these things can happen and do, not just LAW Enforcement. Remember this before you complain that you hate your spouse being a Cop, because you would have issues no matter what he did.

A posting I recently read was “When I first sought out this group hubby would not allow me to join “. and she went on to say that a large problem in their marriage was "cotrol issues. Umm, I’m sorry. WHAT? Not allowed? Oh boy! My husband would die laughing at even the thought of telling me what I can and cannot do!!! There are a few groups in yahoo of which I am apart and a few I came across wanted me to send a copy of his Police ID to join among other things, that is something that common sense tells me not to do but also something that he agreed I shouldn’t do and that he would not like it if I did. But this was a safety issue since I was giving out a picture, a name an address, etc.

Apparently this “ Control” issue is a large problem among LEO families…. I wouldn’t know because there’s not a chance my husband would be dumb enough or disrespect me enough to try to control me and destroy our marriage.

Remember Officer’s; your family is not to be treated as your suspects are.
And for a note to the spouses that are “controlled” simply don’t allow it, don’t cower and don’t let this be an issue in your marriage. Seek counseling, anything! But no…control is NOT a part of any marriage that is to be successful or happy.

A Prayer.

2005-02-21T15:22:00.000-08:00

Off my husband goes out into the pouring down rain for another long night of work.
He is just getting over a cold that he got after two long days of physical training…and getting his head slammed on the floor.
He comes home and tells me all that he did that night, all the adventures and the sad stories, the crack head prostitutes that he had to pepper spray and the home for troubled sexual molesting teen boy’s who all tell their stories to him of raping little kids, or he’ll tell me about yet another young teen age gang member shot and killed, left to die alone in the streets.
He jumps fences and races after thugs on a daily basis ( our dry cleaner loves us for she is always repairing his pants) he has arrested gang members who reached for his glock to shoot him.
He faces death each day and the possibility of never coming home. He bears the stories of child abuse upon his shoulders . He arrests another drunk driver who could have wiped out a family of five. His blood pressure has raised since he started working in Law Enforcement and his back aches always from a heavy and awkward belt .He works nights and come home to turn around a couple of hours later to go to court or training ,And more every day.

And yet there are people who have the gall to make comments that Police Officers don’t earn their paycheck, these people who sit in a comfy temperature controlled office Mon-Fri 9-5 and wear rain coats that cost about thousands of dollars while my husband works out in the cold rain, drenched to the bone and fending off illness.

He has a split second to make a life or death decision and see’s that he or the public are in danger and makes that decision in the dead of night remembering his wife’s last words “ come home safe”. He might one day have to shoot a criminal and the media will cal him a bad person. Our Officers are the bad ones in the media right? Not the gang members, car thief’s and criminals out there that they have a job to keep off the streets. No, when one of our Officers has to make that split second decision he gets hell for it even as he aches secretly inside for having taken a human life even when there was no other choice.
But the criminal that he was forced to shoot is protected and the community out-cry’s because al of a sudden a car thief, gang member, or drug dealer with a record a mile long is innocent…all of a sudden.

But if it was your car stolen, your daughter raped or your son talked into doing drugs would you just stand there? Would you protect your family? If you were standing in the line of danger you would just stand there?

We have Police Officer to up-hold a law but when that law is up-held by them you curse them. I am sorry that a 13 year old boy had to die, I am sorry that he was raised to break the law, un-supervised because his parents didn’t care and taught to not only disrespect an Officer but to threaten an Officers life and put himself into the situation to be shot.
I am sorry that a 13 year old boy was already living a life towards crime and that if he wasn’t shot now he had a larger chance of being shot by a gang member later or put in prison for a more violent crime when he was older because the leaders of the African American community who said “ Our Officer’s have no regard for our young African American males” don’t stop and think “ why don’t we teach our young men…boy’s to have regard for the law?”

My husband does not want to have to shoot anybody tonight, he wants to make it through the night, take some bad people off the streets and return home safe and sound.

I beg the leaders of the African American community, I beg the parents of young African American boy’s to teach them to lead a better life, to obey the Lords commandments, to follow the law and to stay out of trouble. I beg for them to spend more time making this happen so that their young girls are not giving birth as teens or becoming teen prostitutes and that their boy’s do not break the law and become criminals. I beg them to break the stereotype of African American males that this young boy just added too.
I pray that my husband returns home safe and sound tonight and is not forced to shoot to protect himself, his partner’s, and the community.